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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I Don't Drink - Take 2. Introducing... Cheap Water Guy!

Because I didn't learn my lesson the first time!

After the arduous task of going through the eharmony communication steps, I finally met one of my matches (we'll call him Water Guy) in person. We planned on meeting for drinks at a local restaurant. A few minutes before leaving, I checked his profile one last time for info... It was starring me in the face... I DON'T DRINK. Huh? Why did he agree to drinks?

I texted him immediately asking if he wanted to switch to something without alcohol... Starbucks? Maybe Pinkberry? Water Guy kindly declined and said he was on his way. A few minutes before we were supposed to meet Water Guy called... He was lost. Literally, he was around the corner and couldn't find the restaurant. Dr. Google? Calling for a consultation on the smart phone? You there? The date was definitely off to an interesting start!

Finally Water Guy arrived and we were met by the waitress. I ordered a glass of wine (he might not drink, but you know I do!) and he ordered WATER. Not bottled water, the water that they offer you when you sit down.

An hour later, after he had pitched me how great he and his family are the conversation was winding down and Water Guy was still drinking water (his glass had been refilled several times). This got me thinking... If I hadn't ordered wine we would have been kicked out of the bar, no? The bill came and Water Guy completely ignored it. I gave him one more try to redeem himself, but after 5 minutes I gave up. I paid for my wine, said thank you for the evening and left.

The whole way home I couldn't help thinking... 1. Aaron Karo would be ashamed of you and 2. I hope Water Guy has to pee the whole way home.


  1. wow. Wow. wow. What!? I once too, got through the 17 awkward steps of eharmony, and was in "open communication" with this girl, once I found out she didn't drink, it was kind of a deal breaker. I mean, I'm not a raging alcoholic, but never ever ever drinks? There's just something uneasy about that.
    Also, dude didn't even pay for your wine!? THE LEAST he could do was buy you wine, to compensate for him being lame.

  2. This is why I don't date non-drinkers. Eek.. I bet he doesn't even leave a tip for water when he orders it. There are times I've had water at a bar (too hungover from the night before, or they only carried swill) but I tip like I would have if I'd have ordered a beer. For them, its still the same work.

  3. I don't drink at all, but I love a good party or fun bar and bartenders can make some awesome NA drinks these days. I never bring it up initially, or really until the situation arises, but I like to think I tend to be less creepy and more courteous (i.e. I DO tip for water, always, and usually pick up my drinking friends' tab if I asked them out) than most non-drinkers.

    At the very least I don't not drink because of some righteous indignation or religious belief- alcohol just doesn't agree with the medications I take. Plus people seem to be cool with it since I'll tag along to parties they wanna go to and drag their drunk asses home ;D

  4. Wow! The nerve of some guys!

  5. I LOVE the comments! The point of this post is that while I'm not opposed to dating someone who doesn't drink, I am opposed to someone who asks me out, doesn't order anything while we are out and then wants me to pick up the bill when they asked ME out. In the end, I learned my lesson... I'm going to try to go out with "drinkers" for the time being and then maybe I'll open up my dating pool again to non-drinkers at 35. What's a girl to do? :)

  6. So, fine, he doesn't drink... I know a select few who don't. But at least order a Coke/coffee/small appetizer so you're not JUST having water! It looks bad if you're just sitting having WATER.

    And. If you're going out for drinks with a woman and you DON'T order anything... the least a guy can do is pay! Or friggin split it. (I'm not sure which is more of an insult?!) He's obviously cheap. NEXT! :)

  7. I agree with MoneyMaus - not even a soda or something? That's just weird and cheap, clearly since he just didn't want to pay, either. I tend to want my date to drink, at least on occasion, because it does feel a little awkward and then I feel guilty if I DO order a glass of wine. Did you ever hear from him again?!

  8. When I read the title, I had no idea what a story about a "Cheap Water Guy" could possibly entail.

    Now I know.

    And I'm still baffled.

    How does he function in society??

  9. Did he suggest drinks or did you? Doesn't eHarmony check that shit in their compatibility dohickey? I'm embarrassed to even be name-checked in this post (even though it was in a good way i'm still somehow tainted.)

  10. HAHAHAH oh man!! I've been there. It's like at least order a Coke you asshole