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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Is 30-something too old to play the online dating game?

I'm back on Match. I figured after my birthday, it's a new year and new me, so I updated my profile what I'm realistically looking for in a partner and pushed "unhide profile." The outcome has been interesting...

I turned 32 just a few weeks ago. Does 32 mean that only men 40+ want to date me? Are they the only ones that are ready to settle down? Do guys see 30-somethings on a dating site and think "oh, no! They're at that age where they want to get married and have babies."

Fine, that may be true for me, but I also want to date someone my age. For some reason, 40+ just seems a little too old for me right now.

These are the kinds of emails I hate gotten in the last few days...

"We seem like the perfect match. You were in my daily matches and I'm definitely interested." (42, bald and lives 90 miles away)

"I came across your profile and had to say hello. While I know I'm not exactly what you're looking for, you're exactly what I am. Hope we can meet soon." (45, had 3 kids and was divorced)

So... the online dating game continues. I'm just trying to figure out if I'm too old to play.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I Didn't Know He Was a BIG Deal!

For the past few months I have had a little side job in LA. Long story short, my office burnt down (yup, you read that right) and I have been working from home. Family friends heard my tale of woe and asked if I could come work from their house a few days of weeks and take care of the dogs.

So, I've gone from executive to puppy-sitter since my fiery disaster, but it gives me a chance to get out of my house and try something new.

Enter, neighbor from next door. Nice guy. In his late late 30s. Always has a house full of characters and apparently just had a new baby.

Nice Guy says hi the minute he moves in. He tells me that he is renting the house next door for the next few months while he is looking to buy a place.

The first thing that goes through my head, "Ok, Nice Guy has MONEY." Think private beach in Malibu kinda cash.

So, for the last 6 weeks Nice Guy has been stopping by, saying hi, asking me about houses he has seen and is genuinely a really nice guy. I like spending time with him and want him to hang out more. But, he is reserved, quite and oh, that's right, just had a baby. (Yes, I met baby mama and baby when they moved in, but haven't seen them since).

As the weeks pass, I start getting curious about Nice Guy. Where does this money come from? What does he do for a living? Why the hell is he talking to me?

So, I googled Nice Guy. I know you all are shocked it took this long, but I didn't think he was a big deal. I'm not going to say who he is, but "big deal" in his industry doesn't even cover it.

So, now I know he's a big deal. But, he doesn't know that I know he's a big deal. Sound like a friends episode? We've got 2 weeks of neighboring left... I'm eager to see how this one is going to play out. Any advice?

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Birthday Weekend Part 1 - Psychic Shirley

As many of you know, I had my 2nd anniversary of my 30th bday recently. As a little bday present to myself, I went to see a psychic this weekend and have so much to share!

(This is not the psychic I saw... no crystal ball for Shirley, just energy, tarot cards and love)

I LOVE psychics and have never been to one who hasn't said something that they couldn't have known about me. When I was in high school I wrote a term paper on psychics and got my first reading when I was 16. My next psychic experience came when I was 20. The minute I walked in the woman asked me if I had my appendix out when I was 16. Um, yes... craaaazy! I'm a believer, but I do take everything with a grain of salt.

Yesterday was a great experience. I found Psychic Shirley on yelp and immediately felt like she was the person I needed to see. She lived on the west side and did both in-person and skype readings. She used to be a comedian and I could tell after 2 minutes on the phone with her when scheduling my appointment that she was the right choice.

So? What did she have to say about me and my life? Some interesting stuff... Of course, we started with my love life. She said, as many psychics have, that he is coming. My response, "step on it!" She also said that I needed to open up. She told me that I was attracting guys that weren't on the same frequency as I was because they filled a void for me... then she asked if it had to do with writing. WHAT? I was in shock. She asked if I wrote about my dates! When I said yes, she said it all become clear. I was attracting guys that provided me with good blog fodder, but weren't right for me. Once I cleared that blockage, I would be ready for the next step in my life.

She also gave me some specifics... she said she saw a "j" name, something that had to do with "Kellogg" (may or may not have to do with love, but I'm going to start hanging out in the cereal isle at the grocery store!) and that he had a large dog, either a golden retriever or a lab. He will also be attracted to me because he wants to be part of a big family (which I know both of my brother-in-laws love too).

So, now I wait (and start trolling dog parks)! But, I am going to make more of an effort to put out energy that I want great dates and not just good stories for you all! This is beginning of my road to I do, that I hope you stick with me on!

I'm starting with something that Shirley calls the "Rules of Mating." Yes, another blog on this will come soon!

Monday, September 5, 2011

When Something Shocking Happens It Can Give You A Little Perspective

I'm still in a little shock. Sometimes things happen in life that not only shock you, but shake you to your core. Make you reevaluate who you are as a person and how you're living your life. That happened to me this weekend.

First off, I don't want to make this about me. This isn't about me. It's about an amazing man who left this earth too soon. The little part about me is what I'm taking away from it. I do feel like everyone is here to teach people something. Whether it is big or small, I hope that when it is my time people will be able to say they learned something from me. It doesn't have to be life changing, but something that makes a difference in someone's life.

Back to the story... I was puppy sitting this past weekend at my sister's house. They treat their dog like he is a child, so puppy sitting is some legit business. My puppy nephew and I were watching the TCU vs Baylor football game on Friday night. (If anyone saw the game, you would know it was amazing. What a way to kick off college football season!) I texted a family friend who's daughter went to Baylor and commented on the game. When the game was over she called to chat. Yes, she is a mom, but almost like my second mom. She is amazing and someone I love dearly.

She asked me why I was home on a Friday night, how my vacation was, etc. and then said she had some news for me and asked if I had talked to her daughter. I said no and the phone got quiet... She told me that the Banker (read here) was dead. DEAD. (Side note: On our first date, the Banker and I figured out that his college roommate was married to my family friend's cousin. We had a group of friends that we're in common. That meant I could also do a background check that came back glowing!)

Tears came to my eyes as she started to tell me what happened... He was a best man at a wedding in late August. While the bride and groom were off taking their pictures, he suffered a massive heart attack. They tried to resuscitate him on site, but he passed away. At the wedding. Of his best friend. At the age of 33. Now, if you know this person or not that would bring tears to anyone's eyes.

All I kept saying was, "that doesn't make sense, I see him at the gym with his girlfriend everyday. He looked totally fine!" Then, my thought went to his girlfriend, (who he started dating after we decided we'd be better off as friends) poor girl is out with her amazingly nice and awesome boyfriend, meeting all of his friends for the first time thinking she's finally met the one...

The odd thing is that I went to the gym on September first and was thinking, weird the banker isn't here, we always go to the gym at the same time. Things that make you go hmmm...

There are people in life that change you. That make you a better person. I think I was meant to meet the Banker for that reason. We only went out 3 times, but as you can see from my blog, I wanted one of my friends to date him. No real sparks between us, but I still wanted him in my life. This past weekend I was jarred. I kept thinking, what if we had hit it off? Would I be able to handling this kind of pain right now?

This news truly put a lot in perspective for me. I have to stop thinking "where is he" and starting thinking "here I am." I need to live life to the fullest because we all never really know when it will be over. And when it is over, I want to look back and know that I did it right.

(Sorry this is so depressing, but with dating comes life experience and "the more" part of my blog that I need to share with you all as well!)

Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Flying Dutchman!

Many people have asked me how I feel about going dutch on a first date... Well, here's a story that will give you your answer.

A few weeks ago I went on a date with a guy. We'll call him The Flying Dutchman. We met on How about we? (A site I love, but not enough people are using!). We planned to meet up for a drink, but he obviously didn't get my dating memo (many of you know, I'm not a huge fan of dinner for a first date) and made plans for dinner. Fine... dinner it is.

A little about him: He is a few years younger (JUST turned 30), and acted young. No real life experience, wasn't much of a conversationalist, and answered questions instead of asking them. Don't get me wrong, he was a really nice guy, but someone I wanted to set up with someone else after the first 5 minutes into our date (which I did, btw. Blog on that coming soon!).

Back to dinner. I ordered a glass of wine ($9) and soup ($7). He had a beer ($6) and tacos ($18). As our conversation started to lack and I was running out of questions to ask the bill came. The waitress put it in between us. A few questions then began running through my head...
  1. Shouldn't a waitress know better? Give it to the guy and then let the girl offer to pay!
  2. Does paying for the bill have anything to do with who asks who out on the date?
  3. Is it okay to split the bill if you're just getting drinks, but who should pay when it's a full on dinner? Then, what happens who you order appetizers to go with your drinks on a whim?
After 15 minutes I gave up and reached for the bill. As I was reaching The Flying Dutchman beat me to it.

Him: Staring at the check for a good few 3 minutes without grabbing for his wallet.
Me: "Why don't we just split it?" I always offer!
Him: "Well, you had the soup and wine. With tip and tax that will be about $20. Cool?"
Me: "um, Ok." Damn me for being polite!

I guess it's better that he charged me for what I ate than just splitting it down the middle, but seriously, it was horrible. I'm thinking I might start a 30-something dating charm school for men. Lesson 1: Did you mother teach you NOTHING? Pay for the first date!

Now, before all you boys get pissy, please note that while I expect a guy to pay for the first date, I still always offer to pay, always pay for or make dinner once date 3-4 comes around and always make up for it in other ways. I'm a team player when it comes to dating, but do like a little chivalry now and then. (Looks like I'm not the only one! Do a google search for Dutch dating and it's like you typed in the word Boobs. Pages and pages of female bloggers comment about their dutch dating disasters, like miss Mimosas and Grits (two of my favorite things!).

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

And I Wonder Why I'm Not Married?

Apparently boys are instilled with some kind of fear of marriage at a young age? I kid, but seriously, how funny is the little girl? She could care less. It's her way or the highway and just continues to go about her day (while cleaning up a bit!).

Friday, July 22, 2011

If you need me, I'll be in online dating rehab...

As many of you know, I quit Match.com cold turkey last week. This week I have hidden my profile on OK Cupid and this morning, I deleted the apps. If you need me, I'll be in online dating Rehab.

About a month ago, I started to think that I was spending more time trying to find someone online than I was just being myself and experiencing all LA has to offer in the summer. The real kicker was when I discovered that in the morning I wake up, check my email, twitter, facebook and online dating sites before I ever get out of bed. I knew I was addicted.

No. The madness must stop. But, it's harder than I thought it was going to be. Kind-of like seeing the little red light blink on your blackberry when you have an email or your iPhone chime when you have a text, I think I have a physical response to seeing if someone is checking me out online. When I get an email from an online dating site, a little burst of happiness goes through my head (that is, until I realize he is in his 50s and lives in Maine. But still, it's nice to be wanted). Is this a new addiction that can actually happen in our world?

I started doing a little research and apparently, I'm not the only one. The blog, Thoughts on Dating wrote this... "Online dating can be as addictive as anything else because when you make a connection with someone online, it makes the same chemicals in your brain react as if you had taken a drug. The same thing happens to runners and drug addicts. It’s how they become addicted. You aren’t addicted to the online dating, per-se, but you are addicted to the feeling it produces. The endorphins that are released, the feel good chemical, can take control of your life and make you continue doing what it was that released the chemical to begin with. Just in this case it happens to be online dating and not Pot."

Yes, I think that's what I have! But, like any other addiction, there is withdrawal and angst when you can't get your fix. The last week or so has made me question my decision and whether I can find "the one" without being online. I go to the gym everyday and am out 3-4 nights a week with friends and family, so there is the possibility, but have I been leaning on my online dating crutch too long?

We'll find out. Starting today, I'm totally cold turkey. No apps (which are really what have sucked me in!) and all accounts have been frozen (not deleted, I don't what to fill out all those questionnaires again!).

Bets on how long it takes me to get my first date internet free? Anyone else out there addicted? Would love to hear your story and would love some male perspective! Email me at mylifeonmatch@gmail.com.

Happy Friday!

Ps. I'm not going to get a date tonight. I'm headed to west hollywood for an art opening. Another night of hot guys checking out other hot guys. At least there will be eye candy.