The Debate Continues! What message is your "body type" sending?

This has been an ongoing debate for about 3 weeks now, so I figure you can all duke it out in the comments.

As many of you know, I recently joined OK Cupid. On their site they give you the following options for body types... Rather not say, thin, overweight, skinny, average, fit, athletic, jacked, a little extra, curvy, full figured and used up (WTF? Used up? Who the hell would actually put that?).

A little info about me... I'm 5'5, healthy, work out at least 3-4 times a week, am a size 6 and a 34D. This is where the debate begins... I believe I am "curvy" ala Jennifer Love Hewitt, but it seems that curvy means something totally different in the online dating world. But, I do have curves that are real and not doctor altered.

As soon as I changed my body type from curvy to fit the emails and winks came flooding in. Was this putting me with more matches? Am I really fit or should I just be average?

The emails I received were hilarious... One read "Didn't your profile say curvy? You're PHAT, not FAT."

So... what category should I be in? Which will give you the most matches? What are guys looking for and does Average cut it in the online dating world? I need answers people... it might be time to change my body type again!

Will The Real Slim Shady Please Sit Down: Date 2

Since Date 1 sucked so much, I was ready and excited for Date 2. The guy looked cute in his pics and had so far done everything right... he was coming to me, had set the time and place and confirmed that morning via email. Yay! A planner!

Lets call him Kyle... because he looked a lot like the character Kyle from the movie Road Trip! Again, NOTHING LIKE HIS PICS!!! In his pics he was scruffy, a little nerdy, but cute. In person he was SUPER skinny and gawky. I wasn't remotely interested in him physically.

We met for a drink at a local restaurant. As you can imagine, I was a little shocked when I walked up and saw Kyle standing there waiting for me. Hmmm... This can't be the guy that I have been chatting with!?

We grabbed a seat at the bar as I surveyed the restaurant... hot guys everywhere. I was in a Target Rich Environment with KYLE. Boo.

The waitress came over and I ordered a glass of wine. Kyle ordered Iced Tea. No!! Not Again! Apparently he had a big day tomorrow and said that if he had one drink he wouldn't get anything done.

As I sipped on my wine, Kyle and I chatted. He, too, wanted to know if he was what I was expecting. I responded with "for the most part!" but, I think he could tell I was still a little shocked. Like my discussion with Cameron, Kyle and I didn't seem to have much in common. On paper, we were a match, but in person he was brash and overly opinionated for a first date.

About a hour into to the date, I asked Kyle if he was hungry and if he wanted to share something from the Happy Hour menu. He told me that he had had a late lunch and wasn't hungry. GREAT.

About 20 mins later, after we had debated the importance of people becoming teachers in the U.S. (don't ask), I asked for the check (it was all of $8, that he paid for - thank you!!), and we headed out. I told him that I was starving and was going to head over to Whole Foods, which was across the way, to grab dinner.

Kyle thought that was a great idea and walked me there. Yes, he didn't want to eat anything at dinner, but had no problem walking me to a grocery store so I could get my own.

Fun times. I'm taking a break for the rest of the week from online dates, but hope the near future has something better to offer.

Will The Real Slim Shady Please Sit Down? Date 1

I was proud of myself this week. By Monday, I had scheduled not one, but TWO dates. One was from eharmony and the other from OK Cupid. (BTW, I still believe Cupid need archery lessons stat. His aim blows!)

These dates had a few things in common...

1. Neither of them looked anything like their photos in person

2. Both dates lasted in the 90 minute range

3. I didn't have chemistry with either of them

But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Date 1: We'll call him Cameron as he looked a LOT like Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. In his picture he looked like a cute guy next door (it was a black and white, side view profile pic. I know, I should have known better!). I am NOT attracted to Cameron. At. All.

Cameron and I met for Happy Hour in Santa Monica. Santa Monica is about 30 mins from me and 2 mins from him.

Tip 1: Guys - come to the girls! Why should we have to come to you? We can drink more the closer we are to our own homes.

The minute I arrived Cameron couldn't stop telling me how pretty I was in person. I now think this is because we are on different dating levels.

Tip 2: Date in your dating level. Don't aim for the stars! Date someone who is your physical equal! Unless you have a lot of money or are famous and then all bets are off - especially in LA.

The minute Cameron and I sat down the conversation went like this...

Cameron: So, am I what you expected?

Me: Um, yeah, I guess. But, you definitely don't look like the original pic that is on your profile.

Cameron: Yeah. I've heard that from a few people. It's about 10 years old and from a friend's wedding.

Me: Hmmm... you might want to change that! *smiles*

Tip 3: All pictures on your profile should be taken within the last 2 years.

Cameron and I chatted, had a beer, ordered some sushi and continued to chat about our differences. I love sports. He does not. I love culture, art and musicals. He could do without. Then we started talking about our experiences in online dating. He jumped at the chance to tell me that he had another date set up for this week. Was he trying to make me jealous? My response was... "yay! Good for you! You need to see what is out there!"

94 mins later we were saying our thank you's and I was heading towards my car.

45 mins later I received an email on my iPhone from Cameron.

"You can tell right away if there's chemistry. So, what did you senses tell you? Be honest."

OMG. Seriously? If you have to send an email asking if we have chemistry it's obviously not there!

I responded:

"Hmmmm... That is kind of an awkward question! I think you're a really nice guy, but I have to admit I definitely didn't feel any chemistry and we don't have much in common. But, I really enjoyed meeting you and chatting. I have to say that you might want to update your profile a bit with a little more info about who you are. Then maybe you'll find the perfect match! What were you thinking? Please feel free to be honest back!"

Cameron:

"Yeah. I could tell we didn't have a connection. Too bad. I guess I'll go back to the well."

And now onto Date 2...

It's Me! Yes, my life is a PERIL OF THE WEEK!

Check it out here.

After years of being on and off her favorite online dating site, a young attractive woman finally found a keeper. At least that what she thought. She named her new beau, “Tech Guy.”

The two had been dating for about four months. They enjoyed romantic dinners, wonderful day-outings and Friday movie nights on the couch. They were a true couple and things were going well.

Like many couples, they were definitely moving from the honeymoon stage into a real relationship. Tech Guy loved soccer and decided to take his date to one of the season’s big games.

When the two got to the game, they cuddled up under a blanket and cheered Tech Guy’s team on… until halftime. At the break, she wanted a snack and some hot chocolate, so she and Tech Guy headed towards the concession stand. The line was long, and her guy was getting antsy. After 15 minutes the line was moving, but very slowly. Her beau started to turn red with frustration. Finally a few minutes later, when they were only one person away from ordering. It went something like this…

Guy in line getting out his wallet to pay: “Oh no. We need one more hot chocolate and some nachos.”
Tech Guy: “Seriously? You just ordered and couldn’t remember that? Get the f&!% out of the way.”
Guy in line: “What?”
Tech Guy: “You had 20 minutes to figure out what you wanted to order and are now taking way too much time. Hurry up!”
Guy in line: “Dude, chill out.”

Tech Guy now went INSANE. His date had to step in to avoid a full blown fight and never got her hot chocolate. The two got thrown out of the game. As you can imagine, the relationship didn’t work out. It was a good date, gone bad. Concession stands and soccer fans are not high on her list for future online dates.

The Peril of the Week was contributed by My Life on Match and More

Thoughts!

Ok Cupid... Really? Lets have better aim...

Dear Cupid,

Did you really shoot these people with arrows? Maybe the arrows you shot me with didn't have the love dust on them? Maybe I'm immune? Lets try to have better aim next time. Ok?

Thanks!

Emily

These are just two of the many RANDOM emails I got on Ok Cupid this weekend. Had to share...

Email 1:

OK, so hopefully you haven't erased this and are still reading. Truth be told, I wouldn't be surprised if you did, based on geography alone. Both you and I did put down "near me" as one of the main things to look for, right next to straight and single.

BUT, it's not every day that I find a 97% match with a fairly large sample size. So, like you said in your profile, you just gotta put yourself out there. You never know unless you try, you miss 100% of all shots you don't take, and all those other cliches are kinda applicable. I'd be remiss if I didn't make an overture.

So I have to ask:
1) DVR or TiVo?
2) Ever been to Nashville? It's basically LA/Hollywood for country singers. Every bar has live music, every night. Every waitress and waiter are aspiring music stars. It's pretty cool, and I'm not all that into country but was very much inspired by the vibe.

OK, that was random enough. Thanks for taking a break to read this far, and hope you're still interested, or at the very least mildly intrigued. Best of luck for whatever and whomever it is you're looking for, look forward to hearing from you soon!

This guy has no confidence! Not sexy. And... he's from a city almost all the way across the country. What part of within 25 miles didn't he understand? I think that there are places in Los Angeles county that count as a "long distance" or "geographically undesirable" relationship.

Email 2:

So Beautiful, I rate you 5 plus

I found you on OKC today and surprise me... how beautiful you are. just awesome... So, I decide to drop few word, when I read your profile and saw photos.
You don't have to tell others, we met somewhere else. met online is fine by me.
I love bottle of wine and add some cheese to enhance, while watching movies.
I love cooking at home or look for great food all over the places, even if I have to take trip to get it. I think I am confident, generous to anyone I do care. more like old fashion in some way.
I hope to hear back from you.

huh?

The search continues!

I'm EMBRACING technology

I now have a Facebook fan page... it'll be FUN TIMES. Feel free to discuss your shittay dates, your online woes and the pictures that don't look like anything you met in the bar last night. I'll be there with you.

Join me here! www.tiny.cc/MLOMFB

Are "pseudo plans" the new way to stand someone up?

Today was an interesting day... I got in a bitch fight with technology. I tried to switch the domain name from blogspot to www.mylifeonmatchandmore.com (it's now working! waddup!?) and in a flash all of the comments from two years of blogging disappeared. This was all happening as I was waiting, not patiently, for an email to come through about my date tonight.

I have been chatting with a guy on eharmony for a while (yes, again, I made it through the "communication stages" and felt like Atreyu finally making it to the Oracle in The Never Ending Story) and we had been emailing back and forth. He had emailed on Monday. He told me that he had gotten sick over the weekend, but was doing his best to be better by Thursday when we were supposed to "get together." As I do with most emails, I responded later that day saying, "Yes, Thursday still works. What's the plan?"

RADIO SILENCE.

Seriously? So, I woke up this morning wondering... "Do I have a date tonight?"

This got me thinking... are pseudo plans just another nice (but, not so nice) way to blow someone off? It makes a girl get her hopes up (along with her nails done) and then NOTHING. So, thinking I had nothing to lose, I emailed this am... "Hey there, I never heard back from you. What's the plan Stan?" (No, Stan is not his name, but we can call him that if you like.)

At 4pm (that's right people... 4!!!) Stan emailed an apology and asked if maybe we could get together sometime this weekend because he still wasn't feeling great. Oh, and PS. sorry to have dropped the email ball.

Again, I really feel like I have nothing to lose. What's the worst that's going to happen (besides getting cut up in little pieces and left in the woods by a crazed online dater!?)? I figure the worst is that I'll be uninterested and have to buy my own wine again. I'm 30... been there, done that.

So, the email game is back on. But, my question remains... Are the pseudo plans just a new way to "stand up" someone or are people just really that busy that they can't commit to something in advance? I hate that I'm a planner (my legs don't shave themselves!), but hope someday someone will love me for it.

I Don't Drink - Take 2. Introducing... Cheap Water Guy!

Because I didn't learn my lesson the first time!

After the arduous task of going through the eharmony communication steps, I finally met one of my matches (we'll call him Water Guy) in person. We planned on meeting for drinks at a local restaurant. A few minutes before leaving, I checked his profile one last time for info... It was starring me in the face... I DON'T DRINK. Huh? Why did he agree to drinks?

I texted him immediately asking if he wanted to switch to something without alcohol... Starbucks? Maybe Pinkberry? Water Guy kindly declined and said he was on his way. A few minutes before we were supposed to meet Water Guy called... He was lost. Literally, he was around the corner and couldn't find the restaurant. Dr. Google? Calling for a consultation on the smart phone? You there? The date was definitely off to an interesting start!

Finally Water Guy arrived and we were met by the waitress. I ordered a glass of wine (he might not drink, but you know I do!) and he ordered WATER. Not bottled water, the water that they offer you when you sit down.

An hour later, after he had pitched me how great he and his family are the conversation was winding down and Water Guy was still drinking water (his glass had been refilled several times). This got me thinking... If I hadn't ordered wine we would have been kicked out of the bar, no? The bill came and Water Guy completely ignored it. I gave him one more try to redeem himself, but after 5 minutes I gave up. I paid for my wine, said thank you for the evening and left.

The whole way home I couldn't help thinking... 1. Aaron Karo would be ashamed of you and 2. I hope Water Guy has to pee the whole way home.

"I'm fantastic in bed" Marketing 101

I got this email today and had to post (I have no idea who to accredit it to!). In my "offline" life I work in marketing and think this is the perfect marriage of my two crazy worlds.

You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's direct marketing…

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's advertising…

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you phone him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's telemarketing…

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink and say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's public relations…

You're at a party. A handsome guy walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's brand recognition…

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend. That's a sales rep…

Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's tech support…

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all those houses your passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout out at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's junk mail…

Ha!

Dating with Technology - The ONLINE Relationship

This week I got an email from a girlfriend asking me what her ex-boyfriend was up to on Facebook. Seriously. They had done the Facebook "In a Relationship with XX" and now are experiencing the awkward aftermath of their exes being friends with their friends. Quite the Facebook pickle.

Technology is great. Thank God for small cells (although I did rock the Zach Morris cell back in the day and thought I was BAD ASS), pocket-size computers (yay, iPhone!) and texting, but sometimes it would be nice to get a sincere hand-written letter. Yes, I know I'm dreaming - shut up.

Without technology there would be no match.com, eharmony, Ok Cupid, Plenty of Fish, etc. but then I would also have to dress up and go out every night to meet someone! But, this is where things get tricky. You start with the wink, wink. You move onto the email. Exchange of phone numbers. BBMing and texting and THEN meet for a date.

Once you're finally dating you have the option to become Facebook friends. Girls... this is where I say... back away! Just don't do it. Do you need to be Facebook friends? I think this just opens up an opportunity for crazy online stalking. I.e. When his status reads "Out with friends" doesn't your heart skip a little beat wondering why you weren't invited and are there girls in this group of so-called "friends?"

Then... you have the infamous status change from "single" to "in a relationship." Unless you are sure this is the one, I reco leaving that status blank. Who wants to have to change it back and announce that you have broken up with your boyfriend OVER THE INTERNET? Really isn't a broken heart enough?

My non-boyfriend/online 30-something-year-old-man-friend (Aaron Karo!) wrote this in his latest book I'm Having More Fun Than You...

"The great irony is that these days we're so connected it's easier to end an offline relationship than it is to end an online one. We can break up, but we can't log off."

WORD. I'm glad to see we're on the same page.

Now, don't get me wrong, once I have his real email address I online and Facebook stalk until I know I won't end up dead on the side of the road somewhere after our first date, but after my first online break-up I decided I wasn't going to torture myself anymore and am just not Facebook friends with people I date.

The whole him being friends with your friends thing, is entirely another problem. Sometimes a little background knowledge is good, but your friends should know you well enough to tell you what you need to know like "I just saw on XX's wall that he moved to Guam so you can't run into him anymore, yay!" vs. "I just saw on XX's wall that he is engaged and his fiance is pregnant" (boo. bad friend... not cool).

Technology is only going to keep changing and we need to adapt our dating lives and style to stay sane. My sanity right now remains in check by being statusless.