Peter Pan in Never Never Land, You're a Dick

Living in LA, you're bound to meet one of the many "lost boys" we have here in Never Never Land. One word of advice, just don't call Mr. Pan "Peter" to his face.

So... last Friday night Elle Taylor (fellow blogger, singleton and dear friend!), was visiting from out of town. We cheers'd to LA beach sunset with a bottle of champagne and hit the town for a good dinner.

We walked into a great restaurant that I frequent often and it was packed. While Elle hung out by the front door putting our name in, I zipped over to the bar where I saw two open seats. There were full waters at the bar and a guy in his early 30s standing near them, but the seats were open. Said Peter Pan and his lost boy friend were talking up the younger girls at a nearby table. The convo went something like this...

"Excuse me. Are you guys using these seats?"

"Um, why?" says Peter.

"My girlfriend and I wanted to grab a quick dinner."

"Who's your girlfriend?" He asked like he knew her from somewhere.

"Right there, by the front door. The cute one." I say while pointing to Elle.

"Let me consult with my friend" says Peter.

WTF? Seriously??? My eye rolls back in my head as steam comes out of my ears.

"What? Seriously?" I ask.

"Yeah. I think we're going to keep these seats."

Oh, no he didn't!

"Thanks, dude." I say as snarkily as possible as I walk away.

Elle meets up with me at the bar and asks me what happened. I retell the story as we turn into bitchy, PMSy, psycho paths.

Two minutes later, I run into the owner of the restaurant (whom I know and love) and he hooks us up with a table stat. Unfortunately, this table is the table that the girls were sitting at that Peter and his lost boy were talking up.

As they get up and we go to sit down, Peter comes back at me for more.

"We're leaving, you can have those seats now if you want them." says Peter.

"Yeah. No Thanks. We got a table."

"Did I do something to piss you off?"

"Seriously? You're a dick." I've gotten started and now I can't stop.

"What? I said you can have the seats."

"Yes, after you told me I couldn't, two seconds after you checked out my friend. Dick move."

Annoying Girl from table interjects to Peter, "It's your birthday, lets get out of here."

"Can I at least buy you guys a drink or something?" says Peter

"No, thanks. Peter Pan. We don't want anything from you."

"You don't owe them anything. This was obviously a misunderstanding."

"Yeah. No, it wasn't. Your friend here told me we couldn't sit in the seats he wasn't using after he checked out my friend. Not cool."

(Sidebar: Elle is gorgeous!) Elle is now laughing and ready to get my back if I have to take out Annoying Girl.

"Lets get out of here" says Annoying Girl.

"Happy Birthday! You have a great rest your night." I say as I fist pump Peter in the chest. Yes, I realize if I was a guy, I would've just gotten decked.

"Do you realize that you would have just gotten your ass kicked?" says Elle. "You called him Peter Pan to his face and then fist pumped him in the chest while wishing him a Happy Birthday. Bwahahaha! Well, cheers to us!"

Oh, liquid courage. How you continually steer me the wrong way!

The Love Den - If You Make It, They Will Come

I was just looking at my room and remember chatting with my friends a while back about making my room more of a "hospitable environment" for men. A Field of Dreams of sorts... "If I make it, they will come" (in more ways than one!) type place.

I learned this lesson long ago... no matter what your interior design taste may be, women cannot have bedding that is too feminine. Ladies, listen up... the shabby chic floral print needs to go.

Below are a few examples that yell... "Yes, I lost my virginity in college, but we were both drunk. I now have my own place, decorated how I like it, but haven't had sex in two years." You can't have anything too retirement home or too barely legal.

Here are few examples of bedding that I think create an "I'm a big girl, have great taste and want some lovin'" atmosphere... (think unisex! Yes, the word has SEX in it, hint, hint.)

If you need floral, try something modern and organic like these.

Don't take my word for it, but I have made my room "fuck friendly" and they have "come." Tee hee!

Plane Guy Update

Went on the first "date" last night, only I guess it wasn't really a "date!" Oh... the joys of dating.

The convo went something like this after about 30 mins of chatting... I couldn't help myself, but because of our conversation, it was the elephant in the room.

Me: So, I have to ask, is this a work meeting or a social outing?

Him: Hmmm... I was wondering the same thing. Why don't we go with a "getting to know each other" drink.

Me: Ok. Hey, at least you can write this off!

Him: I didn't think about that, but I guess I can! Lets talk some work.

Me: Grrrreat.

Drinks, which turned into food too, lasted about 2 hours. We talked about everything from family to work, etc. He then asked if I wanted to go to his cousin's birthday party with a few miles away. (Does he normally take colleagues to family functions?) It was only 8:30pm so I went for it.

I followed him to the party (a girl should always have her own car!) and we went in. This "party" was 6 people sitting around, drinking Charles Shaw waiting for the birthday boy to arrive. So, I did what I do in those situations... I found my gays and made myself comfortable!

The birthday boy never arrived, but a few hours later, after talking politics, art, and religion with a bunch of strangers, we were off. He walked me to my car, kissed my cheek and said we should do this again sometime.

Now, I'm worried... Are we getting together to talk work or go on a date?

We'll see if there is anything to stay tuned for!

The mind of 30-something-year-old-man

I know what it is like in the mind of a 30-year-old woman because I am one. But, with all the Peter Pans living in Los Angeles, I thought I should pick up a copy of Aaron Karo's new book and check out this species myself.

Do you remember Aaron Karo? He was the guy that wrote Ruminations when he was in college? Funny anecdotal quotes about life, love and beer? I thought he was hilarious then and now he is just a wealth of knowledge.

There is a lot of incredible info coming from this 30-year-old-man-mind, so I plan on putting up a few quotes from Aaron and any other men who have something to share (just email me at mylifeonmatch@gmail.com).

Ladies (and Peter Pans), to start off this new series, I wanted to share a quote from "I'm Having More Fun Than You" (Aaron's recent book, you can get it here)...

"When the check comes, there should be absolutely no debate: I'm paying. Ladies, any guy who doesn't pay for you is fucking worthless. Any guy who offers to split the check should hand in his man badge and have his testicles confiscated at the door: he's done. If we make it a few more dates, personally I appreciate when the girl does the fake, reaching-for-her-purse move. I'm still paying, but I respect the fact that she is playing along. A few more dates and yes, I will let the girl pay. But, only if she insists. I know I've been spending a shitload of money on her the past few weeks. I also know she's spent a shitload of money on clothes, makeup, waxing (fyi. a cheap brazilian starts around $50), manicures, and other crap I can't even consciously perceive, but all of which collectively made me want to go out with her in the first place."

I love it. Thoughts?

I'm an ...Ist. I know.

When you're a little girl you dream of Prince Charming. Thanks to Disney, they are all tall, dark and handsome. So, can you really blame me (or any other women out there for that matter) for wanting something similar? I say, no.

But, now that I'm older and supposed to be more mature, I have come to the conclusion and finally admit that I am an "ist." I'm an agist, heightist, jobist, etc. You name it and I have the "ist" for it.

If I meet someone in a bar and they're under 28, I roll my eyes and think "you're too young to date!" On my online dating profile I have a line in there that says, "If you are young enough for me to have babysat or old enough to be my dad, I'm not interested." Do you know how many men over the age of 45 seriously think I would go out with them?

I'm also a heightist. Yes, a heightist. I LOVE men over 6'. I feel safe and small and feminine. I love being able to hug a man and have my head hit his chest. I actually have the talent of knowing how tall most men are by where I hit them when we hug (with heels on and off!). That being said, if you're under 5'11, I move on. This is a problem. I know this is a problem. Do you know how many HOT men there are under 5'8 let alone 6'? Just watch Vampire Diaries as many of them are on there.

I'm trying to get over my "ist's" and am working on dating people I normally wouldn't have in the past. I've been told that if you can find 6 out of 10 things that you really want in your mate you're in good shape. So, we'll see what happens!

When I end up with a 26-year-old, blond, 5'6, actor who I'm madly in love with I'll be able to myself "I told you so!"

What kind of "ist" are you?