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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Is 30-something too old to play the online dating game?

I'm back on Match. I figured after my birthday, it's a new year and new me, so I updated my profile what I'm realistically looking for in a partner and pushed "unhide profile." The outcome has been interesting...

I turned 32 just a few weeks ago. Does 32 mean that only men 40+ want to date me? Are they the only ones that are ready to settle down? Do guys see 30-somethings on a dating site and think "oh, no! They're at that age where they want to get married and have babies."

Fine, that may be true for me, but I also want to date someone my age. For some reason, 40+ just seems a little too old for me right now.

These are the kinds of emails I hate gotten in the last few days...

"We seem like the perfect match. You were in my daily matches and I'm definitely interested." (42, bald and lives 90 miles away)

"I came across your profile and had to say hello. While I know I'm not exactly what you're looking for, you're exactly what I am. Hope we can meet soon." (45, had 3 kids and was divorced)

So... the online dating game continues. I'm just trying to figure out if I'm too old to play.


  1. I message 32 year old women on a regular basis. I'm 28, 29 at the end of the year.

    Do you ever get messaged by nice guys with nice messages who are too short for you? Because I have all my damn hair. And I'm young. Maybe I should just move to Los Angeles. Sounds like with my hair, my age, I should clean up dating there.

  2. Ha! I love it! I do think there is a sweet spot I'm looking for... someone between 30-38. He has to be out there somewhere, no? And yes, you'd probably make a killing in LA!

  3. if you think you're in an awkward situation, look at me: just turned 35 in july. i am trying to recover from anorexia. i was in a relationship that lasted 3 years but broke apart (his decision) last year (the relationship went as far as ring shopping, so i was completely strung along). i'm afraid i am "un-datable." i have signed up to those free personals sites just to see who's out there, and yes, all i get are responses from 40/50-somethings...even someone in their 70's.

    just be thankful you have a job, don't have an illness that precludes you from being a normal date for someone (i'm a cheap date, as i haven't quite gotten to the point in my recovery where i feel okay about eating out). sorry this is so depressing. just wanted to make you feel better, i guess. :(

  4. NO WAY! One of my GFs met her now-husband on eHarmony a few years ago when she was 33 and he was 36. They had both never been married, no kids and finally found each other :) Plus, I honestly don't think there's a "too old" age to be online. Maybe it just depends on location? (Now that I'm in NYC, people don't settle down here til mid-late 30's! Different culture.)

  5. Omg, this is so me. I'm 31, and on match.ca and the only guys who message me are 40+ and 50 years old and miles away OR they are 5'6" (and I'm almost 5'10"). I've come to the conclusion that men don't read profiles - they think with their eyes. Love your blog btw!

  6. Im turn to 35 this coming November..but yes most people say I look like 25++ and always got a 70% mesaages from 26++..sigh. But I do got a messages/wink from 40-50 also..I think 50 is too old for me..

    But I prefer 33 to 38 heheee...

  7. I really think this is just the nature of the beast of online dating, ladies. You're not "too old" to date online anymore than you are "too old" to date at all. Dating online is a norm at this point - especially in large cities. It's the strategy of casting a wide net and then being careful in who you actually catch. Don't let messages from unimpressive gents (because of age, height, baldness, weight, distance, whatever your dealbreakers are) discourage you.

    The trick (and I'm saying this as someone who is very single and at times very discouraged by the online "selection") is to know what you want and why.

  8. Wait, how can you judge guys over 40 contacting you when you are judging anyone who doesn't fall within your "sweet spot" of dating age? That doesn't seem fair. You're being as age-ist as maybe those guys in their late 30's are towards you.

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  10. Plainsong - thanks for your comment and keep your head up!

    Single Girl - thanks for the comment and I'm glad you like the blog. :)

    MoneyMaus - I'm jumping on eharmony next month! We'll see what happens when you can't online window shop.

    Marna - I totally agree! But, don't you think 10-12 years is a big age gap? I have admitted to being an agist, but them reaching out to me leads me more to believe that they aren't even reading my profile. Since I really am looking for my match, they should at least read what I have to offer and what I'm looking for, no?

  11. I hear what you're saying. I don't think 10-12 years is a big age gap, but that's my own opinion. (I'm 29 and have dated 45 - 35 mostly. I have tried as young as 28 but, like you, I have my "sweet spot" and that's the 35-45 age range.) I hear what you're saying but I also think sometimes you have to bend your own rules a bit to find what you want. But true, like you, I wouldn't date someone who was, say, 49. But I do try to go out with the 27 or 28 year olds who message me on occasion just to make sure I'm giving everyone a fair shake. Dating in this town is damn near impossible no matter how you slice it!! (OK maybe not dating but finding an actual relationship)