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Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Flying Dutchman!

Many people have asked me how I feel about going dutch on a first date... Well, here's a story that will give you your answer.

A few weeks ago I went on a date with a guy. We'll call him The Flying Dutchman. We met on How about we? (A site I love, but not enough people are using!). We planned to meet up for a drink, but he obviously didn't get my dating memo (many of you know, I'm not a huge fan of dinner for a first date) and made plans for dinner. Fine... dinner it is.

A little about him: He is a few years younger (JUST turned 30), and acted young. No real life experience, wasn't much of a conversationalist, and answered questions instead of asking them. Don't get me wrong, he was a really nice guy, but someone I wanted to set up with someone else after the first 5 minutes into our date (which I did, btw. Blog on that coming soon!).

Back to dinner. I ordered a glass of wine ($9) and soup ($7). He had a beer ($6) and tacos ($18). As our conversation started to lack and I was running out of questions to ask the bill came. The waitress put it in between us. A few questions then began running through my head...
  1. Shouldn't a waitress know better? Give it to the guy and then let the girl offer to pay!
  2. Does paying for the bill have anything to do with who asks who out on the date?
  3. Is it okay to split the bill if you're just getting drinks, but who should pay when it's a full on dinner? Then, what happens who you order appetizers to go with your drinks on a whim?
After 15 minutes I gave up and reached for the bill. As I was reaching The Flying Dutchman beat me to it.

Him: Staring at the check for a good few 3 minutes without grabbing for his wallet.
Me: "Why don't we just split it?" I always offer!
Him: "Well, you had the soup and wine. With tip and tax that will be about $20. Cool?"
Me: "um, Ok." Damn me for being polite!

I guess it's better that he charged me for what I ate than just splitting it down the middle, but seriously, it was horrible. I'm thinking I might start a 30-something dating charm school for men. Lesson 1: Did you mother teach you NOTHING? Pay for the first date!

Now, before all you boys get pissy, please note that while I expect a guy to pay for the first date, I still always offer to pay, always pay for or make dinner once date 3-4 comes around and always make up for it in other ways. I'm a team player when it comes to dating, but do like a little chivalry now and then. (Looks like I'm not the only one! Do a google search for Dutch dating and it's like you typed in the word Boobs. Pages and pages of female bloggers comment about their dutch dating disasters, like miss Mimosas and Grits (two of my favorite things!).


  1. I'm 36, have dated a lot, and have never once gone Dutch. If someone suggested it, I would be turned off. However, once in a relationship, I'm happy to take turns. I've never been in a relationship where that's happened though. The men would always pay unless I made it clear that it was for a his birthday, in celebration of something for him, etc. I've always dated older men though, so that might have something to do with it. My one boyfriend who was more than happy if I paid all the time was the one who ended up being a lying, cheating, scumbag.

  2. In my 20s, I dated a guy who was older, had no money and I paid for everything. I did this because I thought I loved him and he was a struggling designer. I'm now at a point in my life where I want to be woo'd. (At least on the first few dates!) No more dutch for me!