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Monday, September 27, 2010

I Have Entered the FRIEND ZONE

As you guys know, I'm in sexter withdrawal and spent the last two weeks giving the Banker a chance. Here's the update...

It's been about three weeks and we've gone on three dates. The Banker is what you want your friends to marry. He is so sweet, pays for everything, and asks thoughtful questions. For example, I was out of town for a few days and he asked if we wanted to grab dinner and then go back to my place so I could catch up on my TV. No, I'm not dumb, I'm sure he wanted to go back to my place for a different reason, but the fact that he knows I have a close and complicated relationship with my dvr is nice.

Our second date was great. We went to a really nice dinner, got a little buzzed and made out like teenagers while watching Jersey Shore. It was FUN.

The problem? Last week we entered the FRIEND ZONE.

We decided to grab an early dinner and catch a movie. The whole date was great, but mid-movie as my hand was in the 7th grade pose hoping to get grabbed, I realized I really didn't want my hand to be grabbed. Our dinner conversation was more on a friend level. Now, we were in the dark and there was nothing urging me to put my hand on his leg, whisper in his ear, etc.

After the movie we headed back to my house. (side note: the electronic house music in the car was a bit of a buzz kill even when not drinking.) I was pooped, but invited him. Come on... I'm really trying here! Now, we're in my house and NOTHING. We watched TV. He leaned over and kissed me and the hot make-out sesh we had had the week before was a thing of the past. (This again, just proved to me the importance of alcohol in a relationship!) The kiss was wet and sloppy.

I'm now going to have to have the talk... "It's not you, It's me." "You're such a nice guy." "There just isn't any chemistry."

Back to the drawing board... have three dates set up for the next two weeks. And... we'll see if the sexter picks things up where he left them off.

My question to you all this week is... what does the FRIEND ZONE look like for you? And, what do you do once you're in it??


  1. It looks frustrating - and you have to decide if you have enough friends already.

  2. I have too many friends myself...I wiosh I knew why sometimes

  3. Sometimes FRIEND ZONE can never quite be friend zone when there is still strong chemistry and interest. But here it sounds like you either ran the course or you just had a blah third date.

    If he's kind and you value his conversation (and maybe also company), then be honest and say: "You're great, and I'd like to continue spending time with you as your friend." Set your boundaries, be thoughtful about each others feelings, and enjoy the friendship.

  4. i think you just answered my internal questions on what feels slightly off in my current "relationship."

  5. I just ran across this blog, and I've read over some of your posts, with understanding, and it doesn't matter if you're female or male, as I'm looking at the person. And Yep, it is partly you. You're just difficult. And especially, insecure, because you think you need alcohol in a relationship. You're also fairly negative and in LA, which is two deal-breaking aspects. I personally like NoCal a lot more. Hope you can at least handle the honesty.

    Lesson: If you want to date, fix yourself, don't be difficult. If you don't want to be better than what you are, or change, than just don't date. Less problems :)

    I apply this to myself. I don't date because I'm not at my best.