Is 30-something too old to play the online dating game?

I'm back on Match. I figured after my birthday, it's a new year and new me, so I updated my profile what I'm realistically looking for in a partner and pushed "unhide profile." The outcome has been interesting...

I turned 32 just a few weeks ago. Does 32 mean that only men 40+ want to date me? Are they the only ones that are ready to settle down? Do guys see 30-somethings on a dating site and think "oh, no! They're at that age where they want to get married and have babies."

Fine, that may be true for me, but I also want to date someone my age. For some reason, 40+ just seems a little too old for me right now.

These are the kinds of emails I hate gotten in the last few days...

"We seem like the perfect match. You were in my daily matches and I'm definitely interested." (42, bald and lives 90 miles away)

"I came across your profile and had to say hello. While I know I'm not exactly what you're looking for, you're exactly what I am. Hope we can meet soon." (45, had 3 kids and was divorced)

So... the online dating game continues. I'm just trying to figure out if I'm too old to play.

I Didn't Know He Was a BIG Deal!

For the past few months I have had a little side job in LA. Long story short, my office burnt down (yup, you read that right) and I have been working from home. Family friends heard my tale of woe and asked if I could come work from their house a few days of weeks and take care of the dogs.

So, I've gone from executive to puppy-sitter since my fiery disaster, but it gives me a chance to get out of my house and try something new.

Enter, neighbor from next door. Nice guy. In his late late 30s. Always has a house full of characters and apparently just had a new baby.

Nice Guy says hi the minute he moves in. He tells me that he is renting the house next door for the next few months while he is looking to buy a place.

The first thing that goes through my head, "Ok, Nice Guy has MONEY." Think private beach in Malibu kinda cash.

So, for the last 6 weeks Nice Guy has been stopping by, saying hi, asking me about houses he has seen and is genuinely a really nice guy. I like spending time with him and want him to hang out more. But, he is reserved, quite and oh, that's right, just had a baby. (Yes, I met baby mama and baby when they moved in, but haven't seen them since).

As the weeks pass, I start getting curious about Nice Guy. Where does this money come from? What does he do for a living? Why the hell is he talking to me?

So, I googled Nice Guy. I know you all are shocked it took this long, but I didn't think he was a big deal. I'm not going to say who he is, but "big deal" in his industry doesn't even cover it.

So, now I know he's a big deal. But, he doesn't know that I know he's a big deal. Sound like a friends episode? We've got 2 weeks of neighboring left... I'm eager to see how this one is going to play out. Any advice?

The Flying Dutchman!

Many people have asked me how I feel about going dutch on a first date... Well, here's a story that will give you your answer.

A few weeks ago I went on a date with a guy. We'll call him The Flying Dutchman. We met on How about we? (A site I love, but not enough people are using!). We planned to meet up for a drink, but he obviously didn't get my dating memo (many of you know, I'm not a huge fan of dinner for a first date) and made plans for dinner. Fine... dinner it is.

A little about him: He is a few years younger (JUST turned 30), and acted young. No real life experience, wasn't much of a conversationalist, and answered questions instead of asking them. Don't get me wrong, he was a really nice guy, but someone I wanted to set up with someone else after the first 5 minutes into our date (which I did, btw. Blog on that coming soon!).

Back to dinner. I ordered a glass of wine ($9) and soup ($7). He had a beer ($6) and tacos ($18). As our conversation started to lack and I was running out of questions to ask the bill came. The waitress put it in between us. A few questions then began running through my head...

1. Shouldn't a waitress know better? Give it to the guy and then let the girl offer to pay!
2. Does paying for the bill have anything to do with who asks who out on the date?
3. Is it okay to split the bill if you're just getting drinks, but who should pay when it's a full on dinner? Then, what happens who you order appetizers to go with your drinks on a whim?

After 15 minutes I gave up and reached for the bill. As I was reaching The Flying Dutchman beat me to it.

Him: Staring at the check for a good few 3 minutes without grabbing for his wallet.

Me: "Why don't we just split it?" I always offer!

Him: "Well, you had the soup and wine. With tip and tax that will be about $20. Cool?"

Me: "um, Ok." Damn me for being polite!

I guess it's better that he charged me for what I ate than just splitting it down the middle, but seriously, it was horrible. I'm thinking I might start a 30-something dating charm school for men. Lesson 1: Did you mother teach you NOTHING? Pay for the first date!

Now, before all you boys get pissy, please note that while I expect a guy to pay for the first date, I still always offer to pay, always pay for or make dinner once date 3-4 comes around and always make up for it in other ways. I'm a team player when it comes to dating, but do like a little chivalry now and then. (Looks like I'm not the only one! Do a google search for Dutch dating and it's like you typed in the word Boobs. Pages and pages of female bloggers comment about their dutch dating disasters, like miss Mimosas and Grits (two of my favorite things!).

When Match.com Comes to LIFE...

A few weeks ago, I was invited to a birthday party. The hostess is a party planner, so I knew the party was going to be top shelf. We all met at this great bar on the west side and got table service (it was hilarious... like we were in Vegas!). I was expecting to have a few too many drinks and do a little dancing, but wasn't expecting my online dating world to literally be staring back at me.

It was like I was in Where the Wild Things Are... many of the men I had seen online were now standing in front of me. Match.com had COME TO LIFE.

So, my girlfriends and I did what all smart girls since they have seen Clueless - we did several laps of the bar before committing to a location. Unfortunately, our location was in the boondocks. But, as we walked around I had a story for each man...

Man 1: I think he is perfect for me. He apparently does not. He was wearing a wedding ring in one of his photos. I emailed him and asked if he was married. The pictured was cropped. So, I know he read my email, but never responded!

Man 2: Friends with Man 1 and in a few pictures together. Very good looking, but again, didn't email me back.

Man 3: Looked familiar, but didn't look exactly like he did online. I have never reached out to him.

Man 4: Is definitely online, but looks like he is there with a girlfriend. Or at least she thinks she is his girlfriend.

So... what do you do when you actually run into people that you have checked out online? After my lap I went back to stand next to them at the bar and the cute boys had vanished.

But, this also happens to me almost everyday at the gym. Match and OkCupid bounce off the internet walls and end up in my spin class. It's kinda awkward to see someone who has checked out your profile riding next to you. Do you give them the nod or literally wink? ha!

I'm in a bind and would love some advice... Say something? Ignore? Pretend like you didn't see them online? What does one do in this situation?

It's time for coffee talk - comments are encouraged!

Romantic Comedy in 60 seconds

Yup - Love this.

Not my kind of "Out Of This World"

As many of my tweeple know, I went on a date last week that was in one word "odd." But, let me start from the beginning.

I was playing my usual late name game of quickmatch on OK Cupid. You know how some people are addicted to Angry Birds? That's me with quickmatch. I can't rate 'em fast enough! (BTW, they are mostly 1-2 stars! What up cupid - get with the program and get some better aim!) I finally came across a guy who seemed decent, had a job and normal things to say. So I gave him 4 stars and hoped for the best.

The next morning I got a wink and an email from said mystery man and 2 days later we had a date planned for early the next week. I appreciated a lot of things from his emailing... he used correct grammar, spelled whole words and planned the date that was on my side of town. The best part? The date was at a wine bar!

Side note: I figure that bars are a great place for a first date because they have alcohol to divert the attention if need be and the drinks tend to let some nervous or shy people come out of their shell (ps. I don't need alcohol to be me. I was born shell-less).

In his emails he told me that he looked like Clark Kent. Hmm... the expectations were now VERY high. Who actually looks like Clark Kent??

About an hour late I met "Clark" at the bar. He was waiting for me outside (in the rain!) and had already taken the liberty of getting us a table and wine cards. At this point I'm thinking "WOO HOO! This guy is a planner. I like it!" AND... he did look a little like Clark Kent. Yippee!

And that my friends was the high point of the date... We each got a glass of wine, he ordered some food and then the talking began... please note, none of the below items I am about to share were in his profile. Ah, the joys of online dating.

Subject 1: School & Job

Me: Where did you go to school?

Clark: Well, I went to Seminary in NY for a while and now I'm an atheist.

Me: Woah, back up there. You went to seminary? To be a Rabbi? (Yes, his name is very jewish, I went out on the limb, sue me.)

Clark: Yup. I actually graduated from there, but stopped taken my seminary classes 2 years in.

Me: Ok, so now what do you believe in? (Now, I'm fascinated and want to know more!)

Clark: I don't believe in a higher being. I'm a writer now and am really into what else is out there. I spend a lot of time thinking about the other me in a parallel universe. (At this point I wanted to put my fingers together like Evie from Out of the World and get out of this bar, but am oddly interested at the same time.)

Me: huh? Like the show Fringe?

Clark: I don't watch TV.

Me: But, you're a screenwriter?

Clark: Yes, but I write movies.

Me: Cool, like what?

Clark: Well, nothing has been sold yet.

Me: (OMG. Kill me now.) Another glass of wine?

Subject 2: Fate vs Destiny?

The date then takes a turn when he says something about "everything happens for a reason."

Me: Oh, so you believe in fate? Destiny?

Clark: Um, no. Where did you get that?

Me: Well, isn't fate really when everything happens for a reason?

Clark: No.

Me: huh? (This debate continues on for a few minutes while both of us very strongly stand out ground on our beliefs). Oh look, my glass is empty again! (We're getting 1 ounce tastes of everything. I DO need to drive home!)

After our final tasting, I'm getting a little annoyed. I can really talk to anyone about anything and this is like an interview gone bad, yet for some reason, he wants to keep chatting. Finally, Clark agrees that maybe it is time to go and we head outside to our cars.

Me: Where did you park, maybe we can walk together?

Clark: Oh, not that lot. That's the expensive one.

Me: Um, ok. I parked over there (pointing to a different lot across the street)

Clark: Oh good! That's the lot I parked in too!

Me: Great! (Yes, I'm wearing open-toed heels in the rain and am now annoyed.)

As we get to my car...

Clark: Well, this was fun. Not sure if it's rude to say, but I definitely don't think we have a romantic connection. But, I'd still love to hang out sometime.

Me: Haha! I agree! Great... well, you know where to find me!

Clark: Sounds good - nite! (As he roams around having no idea where his car is.)

No. Neither of us have reached out. And the dating game continues!

That's Right... I'm now taking marriage advice from a 5 year old

Well, at least SHE thinks, I'm doing it right. I've got the job, where's the man?

Don't you have ANYONE to set me up with??

You know how once you hit a certain age, you start asking anyone and everyone, "don't you have someone to set me up with?" Then you you start asking around and it seems that NO ONE has anyone to set you up with. I have yet to understand how this is possible... My favorite friend line is, "Yes, I know some single guys, but I am NOT introducing them to you. They are single for a reason."

Wait... does that mean I'm single for a reason??

No fear singletons... there is ANOTHER online app that leverages the power of your friends on Facebook to hook up their single friends. Introducing, Heartbroker.

If you haven't clued in yet, a "heartbroker" is the friend you pick to profile you to help you find the one true love. The idea behind the new company is that friends won't lie and will do their best to find you a match (or get your laid - depending on the friend).

Here’s how the company describes the process: “Heartbroker works by having singles ask their trusted friends to write a testimonial and rate them on five simple attributes. The testimonials are listed on singles’ profiles so that their matches can evaluate them. The attribute ratings, on the other hand, remain confidential to encourage honest feedback, and are used to determine compatibility with others. Friends can also try their hand at playing Cupid with Heartbroker by suggesting matches to their single friends.”

My favorite part is that the singleton must first approve a Heartbroker for the feedback to count, so you don't need to worry about a crazy college roommate (dude, how insane does that movie look, btw?) posting something out you and trying to get you killed by an axe murderer.

Once you approve the testimonial from you Heartbroker, it is displayed on your public profile (don't forget single boys, NO pics in the bathroom mirror with our without your shirt on), which can then be viewed by other Heartbroker users.

Now, a little bit about the testimonial. It's really not that much work. Your friend will rate you on attractiveness (if they say you're ugly, then they are not your friend!), intellect, humor, kindness and “outgoingness.” Now, the company claims the attribute ratings are used only in the company’s matching algorithm and not shown to anyone (ala eHarmony anyone?). That data will always remain hidden, but your friend will see the testimonial you wrote about them, as long as you approve. Make sense?

For now, the site is exclusive to Facebook. To participate, you must have a Facebook account and cannot profile a friend who is not on Facebook. Who doesn't have a Facebook account?? And Zoosk - you might be screwed.

The idea behind the site is to make the online dating process more social, moving it away from the “solitary self-promotion” ofthe current online dating market.

So, I'm gonna get my little sister to write something amazing about me and I'll report back when I'm married in a few months. Till then - Happy Valentine's Day!

The Modern Day Love Letter

I have been getting some seriously interesting emails from guys on dating sites lately and some of them are too good to not post.

The thing I don't really understand about this one is that I'm not a "talk radio" fan. My profile says I like music, but nothing says anything about talk radio. What would make him write NPR Anyone?" in the subject line? It doesn't scream OPEN ME, does it?

Email 1 (via Match.com):
Subject: NPR Anyone?
I consider myself to be a well rounded handsome worldly generous individual who appreciates and enjoys the time to cook for people that I deeply appreciate and enjoy. Add some nice red wine and you have someone who resonates with passion for the meaning of living in this world, intellect to talk about worldly politics, after all the world around us is larger then what we see and live in. I would love to learn more about you, your passions, what excites you about life, where did you grow up perhaps share some nice stores of exploring the world over a nice bottle of wine. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Cheers

Unfortunately, I haven't traveled much either. I did the whole "studying abroad" thing, but it's not like I have a treasure chest of "exploring the world" stories. Did I mention in his "about me" he says that he is LONELY?

This next one starts with the online dating cold call and it goes downhill from there.

Email 2 (via OkCupid):
Subject: Are people afraid to meet you?
Well I am. I could have sworn I've seen your profile and emailed you before, but either Cupid is now freelancing as a professional cleaner and wiped it off the map, or I'm mistaken... My favorite dates have by far been the ones staying in with someone getting to know them whilst watching cheesy old movies with some snacks. That's pretty rare for a first date understandably, but I guess I give off that trustworthy vibe. That makes me happy that my true self shines through the filter of the internet. Dinner, or a walk on the beach would be second place. Going to the movies would be the last. Why do people who don't know each other go to sit next to each other in silence at a theater for two hours? weird. At this point, it all comes down to whether or not you think we sound similar or not. Tell Cupid to take a five minute break and take a gander at my profile if you'd like.

So... he's afraid to meet me, but wants to me to come over to his house for our first date?

And, my favorite... the old man email. This was the last of the chain. He is 46, bald and kinda looks like Jennifer Lopez's hip hop ex-husband Chris Whats-His-Face. He winked. I sent him the "thanks, but no thanks," response. He sent me this...

my last three girlfriends were 25 27 29...
i really know how to listen to... understand...enlighten.. teach...spoil and pamper gals your age.. Give me 5 mins on the tel..and i promise i will change your mind..
its time to date a man....not boys.

To my delight, I'm not the only one getting interesting online dating emails. My tweeple @shesaystoomuch and @hotrodgal (please follow them if you're not!) are getting similar "really?" emails in their inboxes.

The "Unfortuante" Email to @shesaystoomuch:
Well. Aren't you gorgeous for being 35 and so tiny. Thought you were underage at first. It's not often I can say that about such a fragile and innocent girl being very attractive. You probably can't keep up with an experienced and bad boy unfortunately, can you? We'd definitely make good looking kids though.

My girl @hotrodgal has too many crazy emails to count, but here are my two favorites:
Email 1. 10 points to the person who can read this and translate it correctly the first time. PS. @hotrodgal is not 15.
hey whats sup i never been with a punk rock chick lol how u doing today love ya page n pics i just got home fom work and checked ur page u seem like cool peoples and age just a number and no im not a man hore lol i have no kids im been livin out here for 3 yrs and only been with one gurl i came from new york and no im not a yankee lol check it im 30 puerto rican italian mix best of both worlds baby wanna be my suga momma lol jk so what u do for fun?

Email 2. There really aren't any words to even describe this.
Dear Life Companion, Since Providence Has Taken The Curvy Wench Out Of My Life, To Reside In Some Far Distant Kingdom, I Am Looking For A Life Companion With Whom To Travel To Society for Creative Anachronism Events Preferably An Ansteorran Woman From The Barony of Raven's Fort Or The Barony of Stargate With A Few Extra Pounds In All The Right Places!!! I like going to the Society for Creative Anachronism. The SCA is an organization dedicated to researching and re-creating the arts and skills of pre-17th-century Europe. Members, dressed in clothing of the Middle Ages and Renaissance, attend events which feature tournaments, royal courts, feasts, dancing, various classes & workshops, and the like. If we were to become friends I was wondering if you would be willing to travel to and attend some of these events with me. You may be familiar with the Texas Renaissance Festival what SCA does is similar that only on a smaller scale. Feel free to ask me ANYTHING and I will try to answer open and HONESTLY.

Honestly, I'm not dressing up and going to fairs with you.

Send me your worst online dating emails and maybe you'll be featured!! Guys out there, do you get emails like these too (that aren't scammers posing to be Russian mail order brides)? At least you can be happy to know you're not alone.

4 Stars for this online dating profile!

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Profile Tips from Me to Every Guy Out There!

I was asked to guest blog on Single City Guy's blog last week and wanted to post expanded tips here as well! I figure the more you know, the better luck you'll have of me not making fun of you! Recently I went on two dates in one week. I was excited about both.

They both looked cute in their online profiles and it seemed like we had a few things in common. Oh, how pictures can be deceiving! Neither date looked ANYTHING like his picture online. One guy even told me that his picture was 10-years-old! So, to help you guys (and girls!) out there who are also in the online dating world, here are a few profile tips to help find you your real match.

While all dating sites are different, the profile picture rules all remain in the same.

1. Make sure your profile picture (and all other photos) has been taken in the past year and a half.
2. Post a clear shot of your face, shoulders up. Stay away from professional headshots and profile photos. We want to see the real you!
3. Steer clear of hats and sunglasses in your main photo. If you’re bald and/or cross-eyed we’re going to find out when we meet you in person anyways… no relationship should be based on lies.

** Girls! This is true for you too! Post of picture of what you look like now, not what you looked like 5 years and 20lbs ago. It’s not fair to either one of you! And… online dating sites are not a model search. Be yourself and maybe you’ll find your match.

Once you have your profile picture down, we would love to learn a little more about you. Some other tips include:

1. Post of picture of something you love to do. Snowboarding, camping, etc. Then we know what kind of activities we’ll be doing together.
2. If you have close relationships with your family and friends, post those pictures and don’t forget to label them. Sisters get mistaken for ex-girlfriends all the time.
3. Do you have a pet? Show us! We need to know who else is shacking up with you!

Now some things you should stay away from:

1. Please don’t post a picture of your penis. If we like you, don’t worry, we’ll see it!
2. Don’t take a picture of yourself in your bathroom mirror with your iPhone or Blackberry. This makes you look like you have no friends. If you’re going to be online dating, you’re going to need pictures of you being you.
3. Stay away from posting pictures of you and other girls. This can send the wrong message that you’re already taken.

With these simple photo rules you should be off to a good start in finding someone that really is your match!

My profile tips are easy too:

1. Check your spelling and grammar. If YOU'RE not sure if you used the correct spelling of YOUR & YOU'RE or THEIR & THERE, google it.
2. Please don't use "TEXT" language in your profile or when sending messages. You're sending an email, not a text and you have a full keyboard!
3. Be specific of what you're looking for. If you just want to meet some new friends, say that. But, if you're actually looking for a relationship, we want to know that too. On that note, if you want to get laid, say you're looking for something "casual." Yes, there are girls out there who are looking for that too.
4. Be honest. Tell us about YOU. Again, as stated above, it's never good to start a relationship off on lies.
5. THINK about your intro. There are a few common lines you should stay away from. These include, "My mom thinks I'm a catch," "I can't believe I'm actually online dating," and "It's so hard to write a summary about yourself!" We're all in the same boat! Say something original!
6. Don't state something you're not. I.e. You're not a foodie just because you like food and you're not "cultural" if you like Shark Week on TV (Just some examples I've run into!).
7. Re-read your profile before you post it. If something sounds a little "off" we're going to think they same thing. But for us, "off" will mean creepy, weird and psycho killer.
8. Don't try so hard to be funny/witty. Sarcasm and wit don't come across well in the written word. So write that you have a "sarcastic sense of humor," but save it for our date.
9. Respond! When a girl reaches out to you and she's not what you're looking for, give the "no thanks" if you're comfortable. Then no one is sitting at home wondering if "he's just not that into you" we now know.
10. Be you! (but, don't forget all of the other tips in the process)
11. Be an active online dater. You can't just throw your profile up and hope your dream girl will swoon. You need to put in the effort to get what you're looking for.

Anything I missed? Happy online dating!

My BEST Date This Summer Has Been With...

My mom.

(no, this isn't us!)

Yes, scary, but true! Last weekend we went to a street fair in Los Angeles. Our whole family got together to go. Both of my sisters are married and my parents are divorced, so my mom and I get paired off a lot when it comes to family functions... movies, holidays, you get the idea.

So, we all decided that we were going to go to the street fair together. I had already had a great afternoon with my sister and friend seeing Eclipse (in a theater where you could DRINK!) and was looking forward to a great evening with my family and a few friends. About 12 of us gathered at my mom's place for appetizers and cocktails and continued what was becoming a great summer day.

Around 8, we all rallied and headed over to the fair which was only a few blocks away. As we were walking over my asked if I would be her date for the night. Awe... cute! The next thing I know she bought my ticket for me! (And you know how many dates I have been on where I'm picking up the check.)

We had a great night. She bought me dinner, we had wine, talked about work, summer, friends, and pop culture (Team Jacob vs Team Edward and that damn Ali on the Bachelorette). Seriously, it was one of the best "dates" I have been on it a while.

The moral of the story (at least for me) is to not take your family for granted. They will always pick you up when you're down and remind you that you are loved. My mom knew exactly what I needed and delivered. Now, if I could just find a guy to do the same thing, I'll be in good shape!

The Geography of Online Dating

As we know, different sites attract different people. But, what I didn't know is that this foray in online dating love is just a big geography game!

For example... while I have found that eharmony in Los Angeles is full of IT guys and techies, it apparently attracts a totally different kind of guy on the East Coast. Another observation? OK Cupid is crawling with "aspiring actors" and "filmmakers" in Los Angeles, but is a engineer's dream in North Carolina.

So, what gives? Are there just different guys out there who are willing to try online dating or are they looking for something more specific? Are "aspiring actors" just looking for their next meal in LA and are the Techies looking for someone to bring home to the family for the holidays?

I feel like I have a good grasp on the online dating game, but am stumped with this one. Is the key to finding love opening up my mind to a cross country romance? Remember, I think driving to Orange County from LA is a long distance relationship.

I need to know... what does each site offer you in your town? When we get more specifics, I'll add them to the map. As of now we have Peter Pans, Aspiring Actors/Filmmakers, Cowboys/All-American Men, Techies/Engineers and Ex-Frat Guys/Sports Fans. Am I missing anything?

Boys, don't worry, I'm happy to make a map for you. What's out there? Is Plenty of fish full of potential one-night-stands? Do the girls on OK Cupid not leave enough to the imagination? Spill.

It's Me! Yes, my life is a PERIL OF THE WEEK!

Check it out here.

After years of being on and off her favorite online dating site, a young attractive woman finally found a keeper. At least that what she thought. She named her new beau, “Tech Guy.”

The two had been dating for about four months. They enjoyed romantic dinners, wonderful day-outings and Friday movie nights on the couch. They were a true couple and things were going well.

Like many couples, they were definitely moving from the honeymoon stage into a real relationship. Tech Guy loved soccer and decided to take his date to one of the season’s big games.

When the two got to the game, they cuddled up under a blanket and cheered Tech Guy’s team on… until halftime. At the break, she wanted a snack and some hot chocolate, so she and Tech Guy headed towards the concession stand. The line was long, and her guy was getting antsy. After 15 minutes the line was moving, but very slowly. Her beau started to turn red with frustration. Finally a few minutes later, when they were only one person away from ordering. It went something like this…

Guy in line getting out his wallet to pay: “Oh no. We need one more hot chocolate and some nachos.”
Tech Guy: “Seriously? You just ordered and couldn’t remember that? Get the f&!% out of the way.”
Guy in line: “What?”
Tech Guy: “You had 20 minutes to figure out what you wanted to order and are now taking way too much time. Hurry up!”
Guy in line: “Dude, chill out.”

Tech Guy now went INSANE. His date had to step in to avoid a full blown fight and never got her hot chocolate. The two got thrown out of the game. As you can imagine, the relationship didn’t work out. It was a good date, gone bad. Concession stands and soccer fans are not high on her list for future online dates.

The Peril of the Week was contributed by My Life on Match and More

Thoughts!

I'm EMBRACING technology

I now have a Facebook fan page... it'll be FUN TIMES. Feel free to discuss your shittay dates, your online woes and the pictures that don't look like anything you met in the bar last night. I'll be there with you.

Join me here! www.tiny.cc/MLOMFB

Are "pseudo plans" the new way to stand someone up?

Today was an interesting day... I got in a bitch fight with technology. I tried to switch the domain name from blogspot to www.mylifeonmatchandmore.com (it's now working! waddup!?) and in a flash all of the comments from two years of blogging disappeared. This was all happening as I was waiting, not patiently, for an email to come through about my date tonight.

I have been chatting with a guy on eharmony for a while (yes, again, I made it through the "communication stages" and felt like Atreyu finally making it to the Oracle in The Never Ending Story) and we had been emailing back and forth. He had emailed on Monday. He told me that he had gotten sick over the weekend, but was doing his best to be better by Thursday when we were supposed to "get together." As I do with most emails, I responded later that day saying, "Yes, Thursday still works. What's the plan?"

RADIO SILENCE.

Seriously? So, I woke up this morning wondering... "Do I have a date tonight?"

This got me thinking... are pseudo plans just another nice (but, not so nice) way to blow someone off? It makes a girl get her hopes up (along with her nails done) and then NOTHING. So, thinking I had nothing to lose, I emailed this am... "Hey there, I never heard back from you. What's the plan Stan?" (No, Stan is not his name, but we can call him that if you like.)

At 4pm (that's right people... 4!!!) Stan emailed an apology and asked if maybe we could get together sometime this weekend because he still wasn't feeling great. Oh, and PS. sorry to have dropped the email ball.

Again, I really feel like I have nothing to lose. What's the worst that's going to happen (besides getting cut up in little pieces and left in the woods by a crazed online dater!?)? I figure the worst is that I'll be uninterested and have to buy my own wine again. I'm 30... been there, done that.

So, the email game is back on. But, my question remains... Are the pseudo plans just a new way to "stand up" someone or are people just really that busy that they can't commit to something in advance? I hate that I'm a planner (my legs don't shave themselves!), but hope someday someone will love me for it.

Dating with Technology - The ONLINE Relationship

This week I got an email from a girlfriend asking me what her ex-boyfriend was up to on Facebook. Seriously. They had done the Facebook "In a Relationship with XX" and now are experiencing the awkward aftermath of their exes being friends with their friends. Quite the Facebook pickle.

Technology is great. Thank God for small cells (although I did rock the Zach Morris cell back in the day and thought I was BAD ASS), pocket-size computers (yay, iPhone!) and texting, but sometimes it would be nice to get a sincere hand-written letter. Yes, I know I'm dreaming - shut up.

Without technology there would be no match.com, eharmony, Ok Cupid, Plenty of Fish, etc. but then I would also have to dress up and go out every night to meet someone! But, this is where things get tricky. You start with the wink, wink. You move onto the email. Exchange of phone numbers. BBMing and texting and THEN meet for a date.

Once you're finally dating you have the option to become Facebook friends. Girls... this is where I say... back away! Just don't do it. Do you need to be Facebook friends? I think this just opens up an opportunity for crazy online stalking. I.e. When his status reads "Out with friends" doesn't your heart skip a little beat wondering why you weren't invited and are there girls in this group of so-called "friends?"

Then... you have the infamous status change from "single" to "in a relationship." Unless you are sure this is the one, I reco leaving that status blank. Who wants to have to change it back and announce that you have broken up with your boyfriend OVER THE INTERNET? Really isn't a broken heart enough?

My non-boyfriend/online 30-something-year-old-man-friend (Aaron Karo!) wrote this in his latest book I'm Having More Fun Than You...

"The great irony is that these days we're so connected it's easier to end an offline relationship than it is to end an online one. We can break up, but we can't log off."

WORD. I'm glad to see we're on the same page.

Now, don't get me wrong, once I have his real email address I online and Facebook stalk until I know I won't end up dead on the side of the road somewhere after our first date, but after my first online break-up I decided I wasn't going to torture myself anymore and am just not Facebook friends with people I date.

The whole him being friends with your friends thing, is entirely another problem. Sometimes a little background knowledge is good, but your friends should know you well enough to tell you what you need to know like "I just saw on XX's wall that he moved to Guam so you can't run into him anymore, yay!" vs. "I just saw on XX's wall that he is engaged and his fiance is pregnant" (boo. bad friend... not cool).

Technology is only going to keep changing and we need to adapt our dating lives and style to stay sane. My sanity right now remains in check by being statusless.

I'm an ...Ist. I know.

When you're a little girl you dream of Prince Charming. Thanks to Disney, they are all tall, dark and handsome. So, can you really blame me (or any other women out there for that matter) for wanting something similar? I say, no.

But, now that I'm older and supposed to be more mature, I have come to the conclusion and finally admit that I am an "ist." I'm an agist, heightist, jobist, etc. You name it and I have the "ist" for it.

If I meet someone in a bar and they're under 28, I roll my eyes and think "you're too young to date!" On my online dating profile I have a line in there that says, "If you are young enough for me to have babysat or old enough to be my dad, I'm not interested." Do you know how many men over the age of 45 seriously think I would go out with them?

I'm also a heightist. Yes, a heightist. I LOVE men over 6'. I feel safe and small and feminine. I love being able to hug a man and have my head hit his chest. I actually have the talent of knowing how tall most men are by where I hit them when we hug (with heels on and off!). That being said, if you're under 5'11, I move on. This is a problem. I know this is a problem. Do you know how many HOT men there are under 5'8 let alone 6'? Just watch Vampire Diaries as many of them are on there.

I'm trying to get over my "ist's" and am working on dating people I normally wouldn't have in the past. I've been told that if you can find 6 out of 10 things that you really want in your mate you're in good shape. So, we'll see what happens!

When I end up with a 26-year-old, blond, 5'6, actor who I'm madly in love with I'll be able to myself "I told you so!"

What kind of "ist" are you?

You Are In For A Treat! Ah, Duck Boy. (Elle Taylor)

After years of friends and family suggesting that I try online dating, I finally relented. I decided to try eHarmony because I thought that it was a more "serious" online dating website. I'll admit I was drawn to the promised matching on 29 dimensions of compatibility. I figured I'd give it a try. What did I have to lose?!? Over an hour later, I had filled out the exhaustive personality profile questionnaire and was ready to rock and roll. I had tons of fun building out my profile, posting photos, and selecting my Must Have, Can't Stands. Let's get started! My first matches were average, at best. After a few days I came across a cute guy who was a little old for me (38 is the top of my age range) but seemed well-rounded and funny. We hit it off right away and pretty soon we were exchanging emails regularly. We decided to meet up at a sports bar to catch the Niner game and get to know each other over a couple of beers.

I was excited but a little nervous. Online dating can be awkward -- like blind dates, you just don't know what to expect.

Let's call him DB, as in, Duck Boy. DB and I met up at the sports bar only to find that it was jam packed. Everyone and their mother was out to watch the game! Major wrench in the gears. So there we were, standing outside the bar awkardly trying to come up with Plan B. I threw out the idea of an Irish pub a few streets over that most likely would be playing the game. He nodded, then said, "why don't we go to this little French Bistro instead?" I did my best to mask my confusion. The "French Bistro" he mentioned, is a high end restaurant, specializing in French wines. How did we go from beers at a sports bar while watching the game, to a high end French restaurant? Did I miss something? "Umm, sure that sounds good." And off we went.

We were the only two people in the restaurant besides the bartender and as I expected they didn't have TV's broadcasting the game. To add insult to injury, we both ordered beer on tap -- remind me again why we're here? We got to talking and right away I felt like I was being interviewed. He was peppering me with questions like: What is the best quality you have to offer in a relationship? If you could make one change today that would drastically improve your quality of life, what would it be? Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Do you want kids?

Whoa.... he needed to slow it down. Significantly.

It wasn't a conversation that flowed naturally. It felt formal, serious, and too structured for my taste. After we finished our first beer, he asked if I was hungry. We agreed to share an appetizer and I excused myself to go to the ladies room while he perused the menu. Upon my return, he informed me that he took the liberty of ordering something for us. I was a little annoyed that he ordered something without asking what I liked, but figured that he probably ordered something benign. About 10 minutes later the bartender walks up to our table holding a wood cutting board. I immediately thought, mmmmm cheese, a natural assumption considering it's a wine bar/restaurant. (I love cheese) However, I thought it was a little weird because cheese and crackers don't typically pair well with beer. Little did I know! As the waiter approached our table he said, "Allow me to present, the duck board." Come again? Duck board? What if I was a vegetarian? What if I didn't like duck? I completely zoned out as the waiter described the 5 different kinds of duck arranged beautifully around the board.

What was a girl to do? I take pride in my openness to try new things so I decided to make the best of it.

I raised my glass and said "Well, here's to my first duck experience!" He looked at me as if I was from Mars and replied "You've never had duck? Oh it's fabulous, you're in for a treat." -- it was as if I had just told him that I've never had chicken. I said "No, I haven't, but there's a first time for everything." To be a good sport, I tried the duck meatloaf, sausage, and bacon. I decided against the pate and confit. To be fair, the duck meatloaf wasn't that bad but in general, duck is not something I ever plan on ordering for myself.

My head was spinning with questions. Why here? Why did he order a duck board? Was he trying to test me? Was he desperately trying to impress me by showing me that he was worldly and appreciated 'the finer things in life?' If so, it wasn't working. He was too intense for my taste and was definitely giving off the "I'm ready to settle down" vibe. I thanked him for the date and we parted ways. He said he'd love to do this again soon, I smiled and waved goodbye with no intention of getting together for Date #2.

Overall it was an ok date, despite the unexpected foray into the duck realm and pointed questions about the quality of my life or where I see myself in 10 years. 10 years? I don't even know where I might be next year! Stay tuned...

The Drive That Was Longer Than The Date

Sometimes you need to put yourself out there and see what happens. Well, I did that and it ended up costing me 3 hours in the car that I will never get back.

Back in March I thought I would expand my Match search to include Orange County. For those of you who don't live in LA, Orange County is not too far in miles, but is far when it comes to traffic. 20 miles = 45 minutes. However, there are some VERY cute men in Orange County and if it means I'm going to fall in love, what's a little time in the car?

I started emailing with OC guy in February. After a few weeks of emailing, we decided it was time to bite the bullet and meet in person. I should have thought twice when he recommended that I come to him, but you live and learn!

We decided to meet at an OC sports bar and watch some college basketball games around 7pm. He lived 10 minutes from there... I know I'm dumb, please don't point it out! I left my house in LA around 5. Seriously, 5pm. I gave myself 2 hours to get there. I figured if I got there early I could always do some shopping before we were supposed to meet.

At least I know LA well! It took me exactly 2 hours to get there! By the time I arrived, my ass was asleep and my make-up looked like it had been on my face all day. Stressed and annoyed, I cleaned myself up and headed into the bar.

Hmmm... I looked everywhere and wasn't seeing the person I had been emailing. So, I took out my phone and texted OC guy to see where he was. Yup, he was in the bar and I just wasn't recognizing him. MAYBE, because he didn't look anything like his photo. Well, I'm sure he looked like that when the picture was taken, but that had to have been a good 8-10 years ago. Now he had less hair, a few more pounds and an "interesting" sense of style.

I'm there and do not want to get back in the car, so we sit down at the bar for a drink. I order a beer and OC guy orders a beer and dinner. Wait? Dinner? Again? At this point it is 7:15. I'm hungry, kinda pissy from the drive and my slight disappointment from the person sitting next to me, so I order something to eat.

THANK GOD FOR MARCH MADNESS or I wouldn't have lasted another 10 minutes. We eat, chat a bit and even after lots of emails realize that we don't really have much in common let alone any chemistry in person. Now, for those who know me, know I can talk to a wall if it will listen, so it's very rare to be in a position where I have nothing to say. In this case, I had almost nothing to say and turned my attention to the many TV screens of amazing basketball games. I love March Madness - Cinderella stories, last minute buzzer shots, college guys with amazing arms, etc. I digress...

As the game we were watching came to an end, I looked down at my watch. WHAT? How can it only be 8pm? What am I going to say to his guy? So, I did what any girl would do, I went to the bathroom to devise a plan. I called a girlfriend asked for advice. I even texted an x-boyfriend who lives in the OC to come rescue me, (un)fortunately he wasn't home and couldn't help me out. I finally made my decision - He only lived 10 minutes away, just call it a night.

So, that's what I did. By the time I had gotten back to the bar he had paid for dinner and asked it I wanted another drink. Since I had to drive all the way back to LA, it was the perfect out. No more drinks and we're in a bar - lets call it a night! So, at 8:15pm I climbed back into my car and headed back to LA. It only took me 50 minutes to get home and I got to tell 3 different girlfriends about my night. Ah, the drive that was longer than the date.

I'm still interested in dating OC guys, but they either have to meet me halfway or come to LA.