4 Stars for this online dating profile!

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Profile Tips from Me to Every Guy Out There!

I was asked to guest blog on Single City Guy's blog last week and wanted to post expanded tips here as well! I figure the more you know, the better luck you'll have of me not making fun of you! Recently I went on two dates in one week. I was excited about both.

They both looked cute in their online profiles and it seemed like we had a few things in common. Oh, how pictures can be deceiving! Neither date looked ANYTHING like his picture online. One guy even told me that his picture was 10-years-old! So, to help you guys (and girls!) out there who are also in the online dating world, here are a few profile tips to help find you your real match.

While all dating sites are different, the profile picture rules all remain in the same.

1. Make sure your profile picture (and all other photos) has been taken in the past year and a half.
2. Post a clear shot of your face, shoulders up. Stay away from professional headshots and profile photos. We want to see the real you!
3. Steer clear of hats and sunglasses in your main photo. If you’re bald and/or cross-eyed we’re going to find out when we meet you in person anyways… no relationship should be based on lies.

** Girls! This is true for you too! Post of picture of what you look like now, not what you looked like 5 years and 20lbs ago. It’s not fair to either one of you! And… online dating sites are not a model search. Be yourself and maybe you’ll find your match.

Once you have your profile picture down, we would love to learn a little more about you. Some other tips include:

1. Post of picture of something you love to do. Snowboarding, camping, etc. Then we know what kind of activities we’ll be doing together.
2. If you have close relationships with your family and friends, post those pictures and don’t forget to label them. Sisters get mistaken for ex-girlfriends all the time.
3. Do you have a pet? Show us! We need to know who else is shacking up with you!

Now some things you should stay away from:

1. Please don’t post a picture of your penis. If we like you, don’t worry, we’ll see it!
2. Don’t take a picture of yourself in your bathroom mirror with your iPhone or Blackberry. This makes you look like you have no friends. If you’re going to be online dating, you’re going to need pictures of you being you.
3. Stay away from posting pictures of you and other girls. This can send the wrong message that you’re already taken.

With these simple photo rules you should be off to a good start in finding someone that really is your match!

My profile tips are easy too:

1. Check your spelling and grammar. If YOU'RE not sure if you used the correct spelling of YOUR & YOU'RE or THEIR & THERE, google it.
2. Please don't use "TEXT" language in your profile or when sending messages. You're sending an email, not a text and you have a full keyboard!
3. Be specific of what you're looking for. If you just want to meet some new friends, say that. But, if you're actually looking for a relationship, we want to know that too. On that note, if you want to get laid, say you're looking for something "casual." Yes, there are girls out there who are looking for that too.
4. Be honest. Tell us about YOU. Again, as stated above, it's never good to start a relationship off on lies.
5. THINK about your intro. There are a few common lines you should stay away from. These include, "My mom thinks I'm a catch," "I can't believe I'm actually online dating," and "It's so hard to write a summary about yourself!" We're all in the same boat! Say something original!
6. Don't state something you're not. I.e. You're not a foodie just because you like food and you're not "cultural" if you like Shark Week on TV (Just some examples I've run into!).
7. Re-read your profile before you post it. If something sounds a little "off" we're going to think they same thing. But for us, "off" will mean creepy, weird and psycho killer.
8. Don't try so hard to be funny/witty. Sarcasm and wit don't come across well in the written word. So write that you have a "sarcastic sense of humor," but save it for our date.
9. Respond! When a girl reaches out to you and she's not what you're looking for, give the "no thanks" if you're comfortable. Then no one is sitting at home wondering if "he's just not that into you" we now know.
10. Be you! (but, don't forget all of the other tips in the process)
11. Be an active online dater. You can't just throw your profile up and hope your dream girl will swoon. You need to put in the effort to get what you're looking for.

Anything I missed? Happy online dating!

The Geography of Online Dating

As we know, different sites attract different people. But, what I didn't know is that this foray in online dating love is just a big geography game!

For example... while I have found that eharmony in Los Angeles is full of IT guys and techies, it apparently attracts a totally different kind of guy on the East Coast. Another observation? OK Cupid is crawling with "aspiring actors" and "filmmakers" in Los Angeles, but is a engineer's dream in North Carolina.

So, what gives? Are there just different guys out there who are willing to try online dating or are they looking for something more specific? Are "aspiring actors" just looking for their next meal in LA and are the Techies looking for someone to bring home to the family for the holidays?

I feel like I have a good grasp on the online dating game, but am stumped with this one. Is the key to finding love opening up my mind to a cross country romance? Remember, I think driving to Orange County from LA is a long distance relationship.

I need to know... what does each site offer you in your town? When we get more specifics, I'll add them to the map. As of now we have Peter Pans, Aspiring Actors/Filmmakers, Cowboys/All-American Men, Techies/Engineers and Ex-Frat Guys/Sports Fans. Am I missing anything?

Boys, don't worry, I'm happy to make a map for you. What's out there? Is Plenty of fish full of potential one-night-stands? Do the girls on OK Cupid not leave enough to the imagination? Spill.

I'm EMBRACING technology

I now have a Facebook fan page... it'll be FUN TIMES. Feel free to discuss your shittay dates, your online woes and the pictures that don't look like anything you met in the bar last night. I'll be there with you.

Join me here! www.tiny.cc/MLOMFB

Are "pseudo plans" the new way to stand someone up?

Today was an interesting day... I got in a bitch fight with technology. I tried to switch the domain name from blogspot to www.mylifeonmatchandmore.com (it's now working! waddup!?) and in a flash all of the comments from two years of blogging disappeared. This was all happening as I was waiting, not patiently, for an email to come through about my date tonight.

I have been chatting with a guy on eharmony for a while (yes, again, I made it through the "communication stages" and felt like Atreyu finally making it to the Oracle in The Never Ending Story) and we had been emailing back and forth. He had emailed on Monday. He told me that he had gotten sick over the weekend, but was doing his best to be better by Thursday when we were supposed to "get together." As I do with most emails, I responded later that day saying, "Yes, Thursday still works. What's the plan?"

RADIO SILENCE.

Seriously? So, I woke up this morning wondering... "Do I have a date tonight?"

This got me thinking... are pseudo plans just another nice (but, not so nice) way to blow someone off? It makes a girl get her hopes up (along with her nails done) and then NOTHING. So, thinking I had nothing to lose, I emailed this am... "Hey there, I never heard back from you. What's the plan Stan?" (No, Stan is not his name, but we can call him that if you like.)

At 4pm (that's right people... 4!!!) Stan emailed an apology and asked if maybe we could get together sometime this weekend because he still wasn't feeling great. Oh, and PS. sorry to have dropped the email ball.

Again, I really feel like I have nothing to lose. What's the worst that's going to happen (besides getting cut up in little pieces and left in the woods by a crazed online dater!?)? I figure the worst is that I'll be uninterested and have to buy my own wine again. I'm 30... been there, done that.

So, the email game is back on. But, my question remains... Are the pseudo plans just a new way to "stand up" someone or are people just really that busy that they can't commit to something in advance? I hate that I'm a planner (my legs don't shave themselves!), but hope someday someone will love me for it.

I Don't Drink - Take 2. Introducing... Cheap Water Guy!

Because I didn't learn my lesson the first time!

After the arduous task of going through the eharmony communication steps, I finally met one of my matches (we'll call him Water Guy) in person. We planned on meeting for drinks at a local restaurant. A few minutes before leaving, I checked his profile one last time for info... It was starring me in the face... I DON'T DRINK. Huh? Why did he agree to drinks?

I texted him immediately asking if he wanted to switch to something without alcohol... Starbucks? Maybe Pinkberry? Water Guy kindly declined and said he was on his way. A few minutes before we were supposed to meet Water Guy called... He was lost. Literally, he was around the corner and couldn't find the restaurant. Dr. Google? Calling for a consultation on the smart phone? You there? The date was definitely off to an interesting start!

Finally Water Guy arrived and we were met by the waitress. I ordered a glass of wine (he might not drink, but you know I do!) and he ordered WATER. Not bottled water, the water that they offer you when you sit down.

An hour later, after he had pitched me how great he and his family are the conversation was winding down and Water Guy was still drinking water (his glass had been refilled several times). This got me thinking... If I hadn't ordered wine we would have been kicked out of the bar, no? The bill came and Water Guy completely ignored it. I gave him one more try to redeem himself, but after 5 minutes I gave up. I paid for my wine, said thank you for the evening and left.

The whole way home I couldn't help thinking... 1. Aaron Karo would be ashamed of you and 2. I hope Water Guy has to pee the whole way home.

Dating with Technology - The ONLINE Relationship

This week I got an email from a girlfriend asking me what her ex-boyfriend was up to on Facebook. Seriously. They had done the Facebook "In a Relationship with XX" and now are experiencing the awkward aftermath of their exes being friends with their friends. Quite the Facebook pickle.

Technology is great. Thank God for small cells (although I did rock the Zach Morris cell back in the day and thought I was BAD ASS), pocket-size computers (yay, iPhone!) and texting, but sometimes it would be nice to get a sincere hand-written letter. Yes, I know I'm dreaming - shut up.

Without technology there would be no match.com, eharmony, Ok Cupid, Plenty of Fish, etc. but then I would also have to dress up and go out every night to meet someone! But, this is where things get tricky. You start with the wink, wink. You move onto the email. Exchange of phone numbers. BBMing and texting and THEN meet for a date.

Once you're finally dating you have the option to become Facebook friends. Girls... this is where I say... back away! Just don't do it. Do you need to be Facebook friends? I think this just opens up an opportunity for crazy online stalking. I.e. When his status reads "Out with friends" doesn't your heart skip a little beat wondering why you weren't invited and are there girls in this group of so-called "friends?"

Then... you have the infamous status change from "single" to "in a relationship." Unless you are sure this is the one, I reco leaving that status blank. Who wants to have to change it back and announce that you have broken up with your boyfriend OVER THE INTERNET? Really isn't a broken heart enough?

My non-boyfriend/online 30-something-year-old-man-friend (Aaron Karo!) wrote this in his latest book I'm Having More Fun Than You...

"The great irony is that these days we're so connected it's easier to end an offline relationship than it is to end an online one. We can break up, but we can't log off."

WORD. I'm glad to see we're on the same page.

Now, don't get me wrong, once I have his real email address I online and Facebook stalk until I know I won't end up dead on the side of the road somewhere after our first date, but after my first online break-up I decided I wasn't going to torture myself anymore and am just not Facebook friends with people I date.

The whole him being friends with your friends thing, is entirely another problem. Sometimes a little background knowledge is good, but your friends should know you well enough to tell you what you need to know like "I just saw on XX's wall that he moved to Guam so you can't run into him anymore, yay!" vs. "I just saw on XX's wall that he is engaged and his fiance is pregnant" (boo. bad friend... not cool).

Technology is only going to keep changing and we need to adapt our dating lives and style to stay sane. My sanity right now remains in check by being statusless.

Introducing... Elle Taylor, fellow online dater

Exciting news! I've brought on a co-pilot! Elle is also a serial online dater. Having experienced eHarmony, Match.com and more, she has too many stories to not be blogging. So, please welcome her to mix. She is 30, lives in Northern California and is still looking for Mr. Right (although has some great stories with Mr. Right Now.)