When Something Shocking Happens It Can Give You A Little Perspective

I'm still in a little shock. Sometimes things happen in life that not only shock you, but shake you to your core. Make you reevaluate who you are as a person and how you're living your life. That happened to me this weekend.

First off, I don't want to make this about me. This isn't about me. It's about an amazing man who left this earth too soon. The little part about me is what I'm taking away from it. I do feel like everyone is here to teach people something. Whether it is big or small, I hope that when it is my time people will be able to say they learned something from me. It doesn't have to be life changing, but something that makes a difference in someone's life.

Back to the story... I was puppy sitting this past weekend at my sister's house. They treat their dog like he is a child, so puppy sitting is some legit business. My puppy nephew and I were watching the TCU vs Baylor football game on Friday night. (If anyone saw the game, you would know it was amazing. What a way to kick off college football season!) I texted a family friend who's daughter went to Baylor and commented on the game. When the game was over she called to chat. Yes, she is a mom, but almost like my second mom. She is amazing and someone I love dearly.

She asked me why I was home on a Friday night, how my vacation was, etc. and then said she had some news for me and asked if I had talked to her daughter. I said no and the phone got quiet... She told me that the Banker (read here) was dead. DEAD. (Side note: On our first date, the Banker and I figured out that his college roommate was married to my family friend's cousin. We had a group of friends that we're in common. That meant I could also do a background check that came back glowing!)

Tears came to my eyes as she started to tell me what happened... He was a best man at a wedding in late August. While the bride and groom were off taking their pictures, he suffered a massive heart attack. They tried to resuscitate him on site, but he passed away. At the wedding. Of his best friend. At the age of 33. Now, if you know this person or not that would bring tears to anyone's eyes.

All I kept saying was, "that doesn't make sense, I see him at the gym with his girlfriend everyday. He looked totally fine!" Then, my thought went to his girlfriend, (who he started dating after we decided we'd be better off as friends) poor girl is out with her amazingly nice and awesome boyfriend, meeting all of his friends for the first time thinking she's finally met the one...

The odd thing is that I went to the gym on September first and was thinking, weird the banker isn't here, we always go to the gym at the same time. Things that make you go hmmm...

There are people in life that change you. That make you a better person. I think I was meant to meet the Banker for that reason. We only went out 3 times, but as you can see from my blog, I wanted one of my friends to date him. No real sparks between us, but I still wanted him in my life. This past weekend I was jarred. I kept thinking, what if we had hit it off? Would I be able to handling this kind of pain right now?

This news truly put a lot in perspective for me. I have to stop thinking "where is he" and starting thinking "here I am." I need to live life to the fullest because we all never really know when it will be over. And when it is over, I want to look back and know that I did it right.

(Sorry this is so depressing, but with dating comes life experience and "the more" part of my blog that I need to share with you all as well!)

The Flying Dutchman!

Many people have asked me how I feel about going dutch on a first date... Well, here's a story that will give you your answer.

A few weeks ago I went on a date with a guy. We'll call him The Flying Dutchman. We met on How about we? (A site I love, but not enough people are using!). We planned to meet up for a drink, but he obviously didn't get my dating memo (many of you know, I'm not a huge fan of dinner for a first date) and made plans for dinner. Fine... dinner it is.

A little about him: He is a few years younger (JUST turned 30), and acted young. No real life experience, wasn't much of a conversationalist, and answered questions instead of asking them. Don't get me wrong, he was a really nice guy, but someone I wanted to set up with someone else after the first 5 minutes into our date (which I did, btw. Blog on that coming soon!).

Back to dinner. I ordered a glass of wine ($9) and soup ($7). He had a beer ($6) and tacos ($18). As our conversation started to lack and I was running out of questions to ask the bill came. The waitress put it in between us. A few questions then began running through my head...

1. Shouldn't a waitress know better? Give it to the guy and then let the girl offer to pay!
2. Does paying for the bill have anything to do with who asks who out on the date?
3. Is it okay to split the bill if you're just getting drinks, but who should pay when it's a full on dinner? Then, what happens who you order appetizers to go with your drinks on a whim?

After 15 minutes I gave up and reached for the bill. As I was reaching The Flying Dutchman beat me to it.

Him: Staring at the check for a good few 3 minutes without grabbing for his wallet.

Me: "Why don't we just split it?" I always offer!

Him: "Well, you had the soup and wine. With tip and tax that will be about $20. Cool?"

Me: "um, Ok." Damn me for being polite!

I guess it's better that he charged me for what I ate than just splitting it down the middle, but seriously, it was horrible. I'm thinking I might start a 30-something dating charm school for men. Lesson 1: Did you mother teach you NOTHING? Pay for the first date!

Now, before all you boys get pissy, please note that while I expect a guy to pay for the first date, I still always offer to pay, always pay for or make dinner once date 3-4 comes around and always make up for it in other ways. I'm a team player when it comes to dating, but do like a little chivalry now and then. (Looks like I'm not the only one! Do a google search for Dutch dating and it's like you typed in the word Boobs. Pages and pages of female bloggers comment about their dutch dating disasters, like miss Mimosas and Grits (two of my favorite things!).

And I Wonder Why I'm Not Married?

Apparently boys are instilled with some kind of fear of marriage at a young age? I kid, but seriously, how funny is the little girl? She could care less. It's her way or the highway and just continues to go about her day (while cleaning up a bit!).

If you need me, I'll be in online dating rehab...

As many of you know, I quit Match.com cold turkey last week. This week I have hidden my profile on OK Cupid and this morning, I deleted the apps. If you need me, I'll be in online dating Rehab.

About a month ago, I started to think that I was spending more time trying to find someone online than I was just being myself and experiencing all LA has to offer in the summer. The real kicker was when I discovered that in the morning I wake up, check my email, twitter, facebook and online dating sites before I ever get out of bed. I knew I was addicted.

No. The madness must stop. But, it's harder than I thought it was going to be. Kind-of like seeing the little red light blink on your blackberry when you have an email or your iPhone chime when you have a text, I think I have a physical response to seeing if someone is checking me out online. When I get an email from an online dating site, a little burst of happiness goes through my head (that is, until I realize he is in his 50s and lives in Maine. But still, it's nice to be wanted). Is this a new addiction that can actually happen in our world?

I started doing a little research and apparently, I'm not the only one. The blog, Thoughts on Dating wrote this... "Online dating can be as addictive as anything else because when you make a connection with someone online, it makes the same chemicals in your brain react as if you had taken a drug. The same thing happens to runners and drug addicts. It’s how they become addicted. You aren’t addicted to the online dating, per-se, but you are addicted to the feeling it produces. The endorphins that are released, the feel good chemical, can take control of your life and make you continue doing what it was that released the chemical to begin with. Just in this case it happens to be online dating and not Pot."

There's even a woman who wrote a book about her experience as an online dating junkie.

Yes, I think that's what I have! But, like any other addiction, there is withdrawal and angst when you can't get your fix. The last week or so has made me question my decision and whether I can find "the one" without being online. I go to the gym everyday and am out 3-4 nights a week with friends and family, so there is the possibility, but have I been leaning on my online dating crutch too long?

We'll find out. Starting today, I'm totally cold turkey. No apps (which are really what have sucked me in!) and all accounts have been frozen (not deleted, I don't what to fill out all those questionnaires again!).

Bets on how long it takes me to get my first date internet free? Anyone else out there addicted? Would love to hear your story and would love some male perspective! Email me at mylifeonmatch@gmail.com.

Happy Friday!

Ps. I'm not going to get a date tonight. I'm headed to west hollywood for an art opening. Another night of hot guys checking out other hot guys. At least there will be eye candy.

My DREAM guy - The list!

Everyone says that when you put something you want out there in the universe it is more likely to come true. Well, I'm going to put this to the test. I put together the characteristics I would like in my dream man. Yes, some of these things are negotiable, but I'm talking DREAM man here, not some Joe Shmoe off the street!

Here it is:

Over 6'

Dark hair (light eyes are a huge plus)

Has drive (family and job)

College graduate

Creative

Can carry an intellectual conversation

Challenges me

Up-to-date with news and pop culture

Social drinker

Doesn't smoke

2-6 yrs older than me

Has siblings and a relationship with his family

Physically fit

Likes to play and watch sports

Finds me sexy

Loves me for who I am and the way I am

Likes the arts (museums, plays, etc.)

Enjoys good food & going out to dinner

Wants kids

Likes dogs and doesn't have a cat

Financially stable

Lives in or wants to live in Southern California

Romantic/chivalrous

Honest

Loyal

Good communicator (email, phone, in person)

Has a career

Likes music (even country)

Complimentary

Is funny/ has a good sense of humor

Is affectionate

Likes my family

Has good teeth

Is kind

Has good manners

Is outgoing (doesn't need to be entertained in a group)

Has his own circle of friends

Has traveled (even a little)

If I had to compare him to a TV character, I would probably want to date Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother.

Is this too much to ask? Probably, but I'm throwing it out there anyway! This is what my ideal guy would look like...

Ok, universe, do your magic!

When Match.com Comes to LIFE...

A few weeks ago, I was invited to a birthday party. The hostess is a party planner, so I knew the party was going to be top shelf. We all met at this great bar on the west side and got table service (it was hilarious... like we were in Vegas!). I was expecting to have a few too many drinks and do a little dancing, but wasn't expecting my online dating world to literally be staring back at me.

It was like I was in Where the Wild Things Are... many of the men I had seen online were now standing in front of me. Match.com had COME TO LIFE.

So, my girlfriends and I did what all smart girls since they have seen Clueless - we did several laps of the bar before committing to a location. Unfortunately, our location was in the boondocks. But, as we walked around I had a story for each man...

Man 1: I think he is perfect for me. He apparently does not. He was wearing a wedding ring in one of his photos. I emailed him and asked if he was married. The pictured was cropped. So, I know he read my email, but never responded!

Man 2: Friends with Man 1 and in a few pictures together. Very good looking, but again, didn't email me back.

Man 3: Looked familiar, but didn't look exactly like he did online. I have never reached out to him.

Man 4: Is definitely online, but looks like he is there with a girlfriend. Or at least she thinks she is his girlfriend.

So... what do you do when you actually run into people that you have checked out online? After my lap I went back to stand next to them at the bar and the cute boys had vanished.

But, this also happens to me almost everyday at the gym. Match and OkCupid bounce off the internet walls and end up in my spin class. It's kinda awkward to see someone who has checked out your profile riding next to you. Do you give them the nod or literally wink? ha!

I'm in a bind and would love some advice... Say something? Ignore? Pretend like you didn't see them online? What does one do in this situation?

It's time for coffee talk - comments are encouraged!

The online dating scam - real or fake?

A few weeks ago there was a special on 20/20 on online dating scams. Did anyone see it? I happen to be at my mom's that night. Thanks to my crush, Mr. Chris Cuomo, she is now convinced I'm getting conned by men in Ghana who pose as hottie military men in need of cash every month. Luckily, she is wrong, but she is right because there are some not nice people out there. In case you missed it, recap here.

So, this brings me to the emails. Do women (or men for that matter) know immediately in an email that someone is "not really in it for love?" Take this email for instance... I read this and immediately thought, "this has got to be a computer automated scam." But, maybe some people aren't so savvy?

NICE PROFILE.
NICE PROFILE YOU DISPLAYED ON HERE. TRYING TO EXHIBIT THE WORLD THROUGH MY EYES. I THINK I FIND IT RATHER FASCINATING BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS THE BEST TO KEEP CALM LOOK CLOSELY BEFORE TAKING A DIVE. SO IN ALL I CAN SAY... A NICE PICS YOU'VE GOT TOO. BUT THERE'S ONE MORE THING
I'D LIKE TO KNOW. AND THAT IS IF A GENTLE MAN IS WELCOME IN YOUR WORLD? I HOPE NOT BECAUSE A TRUE EXPLORER SHOULD BE READY FOR THE DANGERS AND PLEASURES OF LIFE. WELL I'M Alan William.... AND I HAPPEN TO BE SINGLE AND NEVER MARRIED .. IF IT'S OK BEING FRIENDS WHY DON'T YOU MAIL ME TO MY PRIVATE EMAIL ADDRESS SO I CAN WRITE MORE ABOUT ME. THE REASON IS
THAT AM NOT A FREQUENT SUBSCRIBER ON HERE . GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER IS ALWAYS THE HARDEST PART BUT I SEE THAT COURAGE IN YOU FROM HERE. THROUGH YOUR EYES.TO INCLUDE THIS ADDYDUM I LIKE TO CLEAR THAT DISTANCE/NATIONALITY DOES NOT TRANSCEND IN RELATIONSHIP NOT EVEN AGE IS CONSIDERED A FACTOR.IF INTERESTED AFTER YOU MUST HAVE GONE THROUGH MY
PROFILE LEAVE A MESSAGE. LOOK AROUND YOU, AREN'T YOU HAVING THE CUTEST PICTURE ON match I VOTE YOU'VE GOT THE MOST MAGICAL SMILE I'VE EVER SEEN IN RECENT TIMES... I MAY NOT BE MR. PERFECT I AM Alan AND I HAPPEN TO NEED THE RIGHT WOMAN AROUND.CONTACT ME HERE ON (Personal email address)
CHEERS..Alan

So this is definitely fake. For one it's in all caps. Who does that? Secondly, his name is not in all caps. Weird? Yes. Third? His profile is GONE. Two days after he sent this email his profile has disappeared. Lastly, his English is tortured. Everyone who follows me on twitter knows how much I appreciate good grammar in an email on an online dating site. Don't write me in text language unless we are texting (or tweeting).

So, guys and girls out there, beware of the scam, but be smart. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck (oh, and asks you for cash), it probably is a creepy conman from Ghana (according to 20/20 - not me!).