When Match.com "matches" You with an Ex

I know sometimes you think I might be lying to you, but all of these things actually do happen to me!

The back-story: In my mid-twenties I was dating an amazing man. He was 33, creative, gorgeous, tall, smart, fun - the list goes on. But, now that I'm in my 30s, I realize that he was dating someone 6 years younger because he wasn't ready for the next step (which most women his age were!). So, on my birthday and 8 days before my sister's wedding (do you see the signs??) he decided that he didn't like the direction our relationship was heading (we had been dating a year) and broke up with me. (To answer your question, yes, I attended my sister's wedding alone with everyone asking where my cute boyfriend was!)

About a year later, I was back on Match and checking out what else was out there... Funny thing, my Ex-Boyfriend was what was out there. So, I held my head high (shed a tear or two, come on, I'm a girl!) and kept searching.

Two weeks later I got this email in my Match.com inbox... "Hi E. Hope you're doing well. So, Match says we're 97% compatible! How's it going for you?"

At this point, I literally jumped up from my office chair (when else are you online dating?) and ran to dish with the girls down the hall. Seriously, you dump me a week before my sister's wedding and on my BIRTHDAY and you send me THAT???

So, that night I put on my big girl pants, had a few glasses of wine and responded with... "Damn that 3%."

Match compatibility has to do with height, religion, drinking and hair (or lack there of). I think they might need a new scale (that is nothing like eHarmony's!) And the search continues!

Do I Look Like Craigslist?

2010 has kicked off to a great start! Both Elle and I have been dating (and tweeting!) away, and have a lot of fun stories to share. But to kick of the new year, here is just one of the those "REALLY???" moments.

Last week I got an email to my Match.com inbox. Always excited when I see that light on my blackberry blink red, I read the email first thing in the morning. This is how I kicked off my day...

"I know this may sound weird, and I am little embarrassed to take this approach, but I am hopeful it will have two results. 1) Find some good friends in Los Angeles and 2) Find a nice place to live in Los Angeles by the Spring. I feel very fortunate in my life to be given all so many opportunities and successes. Two weeks ago I was promoted to a Sr. Vice President of a Fortune 500 company. The catch is that I own a home far away and have been commuting everyday. My new office is in LA. The drive isn't ideal, so I found a good friend to lease my home and I now am looking for a place to rent near my office. Because you live in Los Angeles, I am hopeful you might know some people looking for a roommate.

I am in my late 30s, fit, clean, easy going, active, outdoorsy. Like to hike, bike, run, ski... I don't surf, but I want to learn now that I am moving to LA. Did I say that I like to live in a clean home? If you might know someone looking for a roommate or a has a place for rent, please let me know. I also look forward to meeting you and hopeful we can be friends."

How does one even respond to this? "Check out westside rentals and craigslist?" If he's in his late 30s, he should know how to find a new apartment right?

And the dating game called my life continues!

Is 30 the new 50?

This is what is currently winking at me...

This is what I would prefer to be winking at me!

As many of you know, I recently turned 30. I love being 30. My twenties kinda blew. Lots of man drama and no wedding ring, so I entered my thirties with a "This is my decade!" attitude. Unfortunately, the men on match.com do not feel the same way. So, I ask you... is match only for women in their twenties?

I think a study should be done on online dating in your twenties and thirties. I got to experience firsthand what happens from the last week you are 29 to the first week you are 30. Cute guys in their thirties no longer even list you as something they are looking for. Most 35-year-old men are looking for girls between 25 and 29. Damn, I used to be one of them! Now, I fall into a new category... The men between 45 and 65 who are looking for a younger piece of ass.

Have you seen It's Complicated yet? I am not interested in the Lake Bell role who has to sleep with Alec Baldwin. I don't care how much money is at stake. Ewww...

So, the rules of online dating are changing for me. I no longer can sit around hoping to get emails and winks from people I'm actually attracted to. Now, I have to WORK at it. Yes, I spend a good 30 minutes a day now crafting emails, winking away and trying to talk men my age into thinking I'm not that much older than I was a few months ago. Hello? I still get carded!

I'm back on Match (Elle is too!) and am positive I'll have some great stories for 2010. The winking grandpas will no doubt be a post soon!

UPDATE! Blackberry Messenger is NOT an OK form of communication

UPDATE from Tall Guy. 6 weeks passed. I'm beyond OVER IT. But, apparently Tall Guy is not. So, during a relaxing night of Gossip Girl and trying to find the real-life Ted from How I Met Your Mother, I get a message via Facebook. "Friend Request: Tall Guy"

Seriously? You can't talk to me over the phone, but you want to be Facebook friends? Um, no. So, I ignore. A fews days later the texting begins...

Tall Guy: Do u not want to be my facebook friend :( ?

Me: Nope. Look? You have my number. You can always CALL and ask me out. (yes, I know I'm being kinda lame here, but honestly. This is getting to be ridiculous.)

Tall Guy: I want to see you again.

Me: Then, pick up the phone, call me, and ask me out. I'm around next week.

Tall Guy: Ok! :)

Yes, smiley face turned around in that convo! Go me!

A WEEK later... now, I'm just effing with him. I'm not desperate and don't need to go out with someone who obviously isn't into me. This is beyond annoying. When someone likes you they call. I'm not 15 anymore and I have a cell. It's not like he has to worry about my dad answering.

Me: Shocker, you didn't call.

Tall Guy (seconds later): Here's the deal: I'm attracted to u - and want to see u again. So, I will call u. Right now I'm at the gym. But if u will give me another chance...

Me: One more chance, don't eff it up.

Update: It's been another 2 weeks. No call. Ah, the life of dating. Girls, I know you're jealous.

You Are In For A Treat! Ah, Duck Boy. (Elle Taylor)

After years of friends and family suggesting that I try online dating, I finally relented. I decided to try eHarmony because I thought that it was a more "serious" online dating website. I'll admit I was drawn to the promised matching on 29 dimensions of compatibility. I figured I'd give it a try. What did I have to lose?!? Over an hour later, I had filled out the exhaustive personality profile questionnaire and was ready to rock and roll. I had tons of fun building out my profile, posting photos, and selecting my Must Have, Can't Stands. Let's get started! My first matches were average, at best. After a few days I came across a cute guy who was a little old for me (38 is the top of my age range) but seemed well-rounded and funny. We hit it off right away and pretty soon we were exchanging emails regularly. We decided to meet up at a sports bar to catch the Niner game and get to know each other over a couple of beers.

I was excited but a little nervous. Online dating can be awkward -- like blind dates, you just don't know what to expect.

Let's call him DB, as in, Duck Boy. DB and I met up at the sports bar only to find that it was jam packed. Everyone and their mother was out to watch the game! Major wrench in the gears. So there we were, standing outside the bar awkardly trying to come up with Plan B. I threw out the idea of an Irish pub a few streets over that most likely would be playing the game. He nodded, then said, "why don't we go to this little French Bistro instead?" I did my best to mask my confusion. The "French Bistro" he mentioned, is a high end restaurant, specializing in French wines. How did we go from beers at a sports bar while watching the game, to a high end French restaurant? Did I miss something? "Umm, sure that sounds good." And off we went.

We were the only two people in the restaurant besides the bartender and as I expected they didn't have TV's broadcasting the game. To add insult to injury, we both ordered beer on tap -- remind me again why we're here? We got to talking and right away I felt like I was being interviewed. He was peppering me with questions like: What is the best quality you have to offer in a relationship? If you could make one change today that would drastically improve your quality of life, what would it be? Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Do you want kids?

Whoa.... he needed to slow it down. Significantly.

It wasn't a conversation that flowed naturally. It felt formal, serious, and too structured for my taste. After we finished our first beer, he asked if I was hungry. We agreed to share an appetizer and I excused myself to go to the ladies room while he perused the menu. Upon my return, he informed me that he took the liberty of ordering something for us. I was a little annoyed that he ordered something without asking what I liked, but figured that he probably ordered something benign. About 10 minutes later the bartender walks up to our table holding a wood cutting board. I immediately thought, mmmmm cheese, a natural assumption considering it's a wine bar/restaurant. (I love cheese) However, I thought it was a little weird because cheese and crackers don't typically pair well with beer. Little did I know! As the waiter approached our table he said, "Allow me to present, the duck board." Come again? Duck board? What if I was a vegetarian? What if I didn't like duck? I completely zoned out as the waiter described the 5 different kinds of duck arranged beautifully around the board.

What was a girl to do? I take pride in my openness to try new things so I decided to make the best of it.

I raised my glass and said "Well, here's to my first duck experience!" He looked at me as if I was from Mars and replied "You've never had duck? Oh it's fabulous, you're in for a treat." -- it was as if I had just told him that I've never had chicken. I said "No, I haven't, but there's a first time for everything." To be a good sport, I tried the duck meatloaf, sausage, and bacon. I decided against the pate and confit. To be fair, the duck meatloaf wasn't that bad but in general, duck is not something I ever plan on ordering for myself.

My head was spinning with questions. Why here? Why did he order a duck board? Was he trying to test me? Was he desperately trying to impress me by showing me that he was worldly and appreciated 'the finer things in life?' If so, it wasn't working. He was too intense for my taste and was definitely giving off the "I'm ready to settle down" vibe. I thanked him for the date and we parted ways. He said he'd love to do this again soon, I smiled and waved goodbye with no intention of getting together for Date #2.

Overall it was an ok date, despite the unexpected foray into the duck realm and pointed questions about the quality of my life or where I see myself in 10 years. 10 years? I don't even know where I might be next year! Stay tuned...

Introducing... Elle Taylor, fellow online dater

Exciting news! I've brought on a co-pilot! Elle is also a serial online dater. Having experienced eHarmony, Match.com and more, she has too many stories to not be blogging. So, please welcome her to mix. She is 30, lives in Northern California and is still looking for Mr. Right (although has some great stories with Mr. Right Now.)

Farts and Relationships

From the movie Love and Other Disasters. Not the best movie, but this clip tells it like it is. "Relationships are best measured by farting."