My Life on Match & More

Is 30-something too old to play the online dating game?

2011-09-20T13:39:00.000-07:00

I'm back on Match. I figured after my birthday, it's a new year and new me, so I updated my profile what I'm realistically looking for in a partner and pushed "unhide profile." The outcome has been interesting...

I turned 32 just a few weeks ago. Does 32 mean that only men 40+ want to date me? Are they the only ones that are ready to settle down? Do guys see 30-somethings on a dating site and think "oh, no! They're at that age where they want to get married and have babies."

Fine, that may be true for me, but I also want to date someone my age. For some reason, 40+ just seems a little too old for me right now.

These are the kinds of emails I hate gotten in the last few days...

"We seem like the perfect match. You were in my daily matches and I'm definitely interested." (42, bald and lives 90 miles away)

"I came across your profile and had to say hello. While I know I'm not exactly what you're looking for, you're exactly what I am. Hope we can meet soon." (45, had 3 kids and was divorced)

So... the online dating game continues. I'm just trying to figure out if I'm too old to play.

I Didn't Know He Was a BIG Deal!

2011-09-13T18:11:00.000-07:00

For the past few months I have had a little side job in LA. Long story short, my office burnt down (yup, you read that right) and I have been working from home. Family friends heard my tale of woe and asked if I could come work from their house a few days of weeks and take care of the dogs.

So, I've gone from executive to puppy-sitter since my fiery disaster, but it gives me a chance to get out of my house and try something new.

Enter, neighbor from next door. Nice guy. In his late late 30s. Always has a house full of characters and apparently just had a new baby.

Nice Guy says hi the minute he moves in. He tells me that he is renting the house next door for the next few months while he is looking to buy a place.

The first thing that goes through my head, "Ok, Nice Guy has MONEY." Think private beach in Malibu kinda cash.

So, for the last 6 weeks Nice Guy has been stopping by, saying hi, asking me about houses he has seen and is genuinely a really nice guy. I like spending time with him and want him to hang out more. But, he is reserved, quite and oh, that's right, just had a baby. (Yes, I met baby mama and baby when they moved in, but haven't seen them since).

As the weeks pass, I start getting curious about Nice Guy. Where does this money come from? What does he do for a living? Why the hell is he talking to me?

So, I googled Nice Guy. I know you all are shocked it took this long, but I didn't think he was a big deal. I'm not going to say who he is, but "big deal" in his industry doesn't even cover it.

So, now I know he's a big deal. But, he doesn't know that I know he's a big deal. Sound like a friends episode? We've got 2 weeks of neighboring left... I'm eager to see how this one is going to play out. Any advice?

Birthday Weekend Part 1 - Psychic Shirley

2011-09-11T10:36:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, I had my 2nd anniversary of my 30th bday recently. As a little bday present to myself, I went to see a psychic this weekend and have so much to share!

(This is not the psychic I saw... no crystal ball for Shirley, just energy, tarot cards and love)

I LOVE psychics and have never been to one who hasn't said something that they couldn't have known about me. When I was in high school I wrote a term paper on psychics and got my first reading when I was 16. My next psychic experience came when I was 20. The minute I walked in the woman asked me if I had my appendix out when I was 16. Um, yes... craaaazy! I'm a believer, but I do take everything with a grain of salt.

Yesterday was a great experience. I found Psychic Shirley on yelp and immediately felt like she was the person I needed to see. She lived on the west side and did both in-person and skype readings. She used to be a comedian and I could tell after 2 minutes on the phone with her when scheduling my appointment that she was the right choice.

So? What did she have to say about me and my life? Some interesting stuff... Of course, we started with my love life. She said, as many psychics have, that he is coming. My response, "step on it!" She also said that I needed to open up. She told me that I was attracting guys that weren't on the same frequency as I was because they filled a void for me... then she asked if it had to do with writing. WHAT? I was in shock. She asked if I wrote about my dates! When I said yes, she said it all become clear. I was attracting guys that provided me with good blog fodder, but weren't right for me. Once I cleared that blockage, I would be ready for the next step in my life.

She also gave me some specifics... she said she saw a "j" name, something that had to do with "Kellogg" (may or may not have to do with love, but I'm going to start hanging out in the cereal isle at the grocery store!) and that he had a large dog, either a golden retriever or a lab. He will also be attracted to me because he wants to be part of a big family (which I know both of my brother-in-laws love too).

So, now I wait (and start trolling dog parks)! But, I am going to make more of an effort to put out energy that I want great dates and not just good stories for you all! This is beginning of my road to I do, that I hope you stick with me on!

I'm starting with something that Shirley calls the "Rules of Mating." Yes, another blog on this will come soon!

When Something Shocking Happens It Can Give You A Little Perspective

2011-09-05T20:20:00.000-07:00

I'm still in a little shock. Sometimes things happen in life that not only shock you, but shake you to your core. Make you reevaluate who you are as a person and how you're living your life. That happened to me this weekend.

First off, I don't want to make this about me. This isn't about me. It's about an amazing man who left this earth too soon. The little part about me is what I'm taking away from it. I do feel like everyone is here to teach people something. Whether it is big or small, I hope that when it is my time people will be able to say they learned something from me. It doesn't have to be life changing, but something that makes a difference in someone's life.

Back to the story... I was puppy sitting this past weekend at my sister's house. They treat their dog like he is a child, so puppy sitting is some legit business. My puppy nephew and I were watching the TCU vs Baylor football game on Friday night. (If anyone saw the game, you would know it was amazing. What a way to kick off college football season!) I texted a family friend who's daughter went to Baylor and commented on the game. When the game was over she called to chat. Yes, she is a mom, but almost like my second mom. She is amazing and someone I love dearly.

She asked me why I was home on a Friday night, how my vacation was, etc. and then said she had some news for me and asked if I had talked to her daughter. I said no and the phone got quiet... She told me that the Banker (read here) was dead. DEAD. (Side note: On our first date, the Banker and I figured out that his college roommate was married to my family friend's cousin. We had a group of friends that we're in common. That meant I could also do a background check that came back glowing!)

Tears came to my eyes as she started to tell me what happened... He was a best man at a wedding in late August. While the bride and groom were off taking their pictures, he suffered a massive heart attack. They tried to resuscitate him on site, but he passed away. At the wedding. Of his best friend. At the age of 33. Now, if you know this person or not that would bring tears to anyone's eyes.

All I kept saying was, "that doesn't make sense, I see him at the gym with his girlfriend everyday. He looked totally fine!" Then, my thought went to his girlfriend, (who he started dating after we decided we'd be better off as friends) poor girl is out with her amazingly nice and awesome boyfriend, meeting all of his friends for the first time thinking she's finally met the one...

The odd thing is that I went to the gym on September first and was thinking, weird the banker isn't here, we always go to the gym at the same time. Things that make you go hmmm...

There are people in life that change you. That make you a better person. I think I was meant to meet the Banker for that reason. We only went out 3 times, but as you can see from my blog, I wanted one of my friends to date him. No real sparks between us, but I still wanted him in my life. This past weekend I was jarred. I kept thinking, what if we had hit it off? Would I be able to handling this kind of pain right now?

This news truly put a lot in perspective for me. I have to stop thinking "where is he" and starting thinking "here I am." I need to live life to the fullest because we all never really know when it will be over. And when it is over, I want to look back and know that I did it right.

(Sorry this is so depressing, but with dating comes life experience and "the more" part of my blog that I need to share with you all as well!)

The Flying Dutchman!

2011-09-01T15:36:00.000-07:00

Many people have asked me how I feel about going dutch on a first date... Well, here's a story that will give you your answer.

A few weeks ago I went on a date with a guy. We'll call him The Flying Dutchman. We met on How about we? (A site I love, but not enough people are using!). We planned to meet up for a drink, but he obviously didn't get my dating memo (many of you know, I'm not a huge fan of dinner for a first date) and made plans for dinner. Fine... dinner it is.

A little about him: He is a few years younger (JUST turned 30), and acted young. No real life experience, wasn't much of a conversationalist, and answered questions instead of asking them. Don't get me wrong, he was a really nice guy, but someone I wanted to set up with someone else after the first 5 minutes into our date (which I did, btw. Blog on that coming soon!).

Back to dinner. I ordered a glass of wine ($9) and soup ($7). He had a beer ($6) and tacos ($18). As our conversation started to lack and I was running out of questions to ask the bill came. The waitress put it in between us. A few questions then began running through my head...

Shouldn't a waitress know better? Give it to the guy and then let the girl offer to pay!
Does paying for the bill have anything to do with who asks who out on the date?
Is it okay to split the bill if you're just getting drinks, but who should pay when it's a full on dinner? Then, what happens who you order appetizers to go with your drinks on a whim?

After 15 minutes I gave up and reached for the bill. As I was reaching The Flying Dutchman beat me to it.

Him: Staring at the check for a good few 3 minutes without grabbing for his wallet.

Me: "Why don't we just split it?" I always offer!

Him: "Well, you had the soup and wine. With tip and tax that will be about $20. Cool?"

Me: "um, Ok." Damn me for being polite!

I guess it's better that he charged me for what I ate than just splitting it down the middle, but seriously, it was horrible. I'm thinking I might start a 30-something dating charm school for men. Lesson 1: Did you mother teach you NOTHING? Pay for the first date!

Now, before all you boys get pissy, please note that while I expect a guy to pay for the first date, I still always offer to pay, always pay for or make dinner once date 3-4 comes around and always make up for it in other ways. I'm a team player when it comes to dating, but do like a little chivalry now and then. (Looks like I'm not the only one! Do a google search for Dutch dating and it's like you typed in the word Boobs. Pages and pages of female bloggers comment about their dutch dating disasters, like miss Mimosas and Grits (two of my favorite things!).

And I Wonder Why I'm Not Married?

2011-07-26T20:58:00.000-07:00

Apparently boys are instilled with some kind of fear of marriage at a young age? I kid, but seriously, how funny is the little girl? She could care less. It's her way or the highway and just continues to go about her day (while cleaning up a bit!).

If you need me, I'll be in online dating rehab...

2011-07-22T13:33:00.001-07:00

As many of you know, I quit Match.com cold turkey last week. This week I have hidden my profile on OK Cupid and this morning, I deleted the apps. If you need me, I'll be in online dating Rehab.

About a month ago, I started to think that I was spending more time trying to find someone online than I was just being myself and experiencing all LA has to offer in the summer. The real kicker was when I discovered that in the morning I wake up, check my email, twitter, facebook and online dating sites before I ever get out of bed. I knew I was addicted.

No. The madness must stop. But, it's harder than I thought it was going to be. Kind-of like seeing the little red light blink on your blackberry when you have an email or your iPhone chime when you have a text, I think I have a physical response to seeing if someone is checking me out online. When I get an email from an online dating site, a little burst of happiness goes through my head (that is, until I realize he is in his 50s and lives in Maine. But still, it's nice to be wanted). Is this a new addiction that can actually happen in our world?

I started doing a little research and apparently, I'm not the only one. The blog, Thoughts on Dating wrote this... "Online dating can be as addictive as anything else because when you make a connection with someone online, it makes the same chemicals in your brain react as if you had taken a drug. The same thing happens to runners and drug addicts. It’s how they become addicted. You aren’t addicted to the online dating, per-se, but you are addicted to the feeling it produces. The endorphins that are released, the feel good chemical, can take control of your life and make you continue doing what it was that released the chemical to begin with. Just in this case it happens to be online dating and not Pot."

There's even a woman who wrote a book about her experience as an online dating junkie.

Yes, I think that's what I have! But, like any other addiction, there is withdrawal and angst when you can't get your fix. The last week or so has made me question my decision and whether I can find "the one" without being online. I go to the gym everyday and am out 3-4 nights a week with friends and family, so there is the possibility, but have I been leaning on my online dating crutch too long?

We'll find out. Starting today, I'm totally cold turkey. No apps (which are really what have sucked me in!) and all accounts have been frozen (not deleted, I don't what to fill out all those questionnaires again!).

Bets on how long it takes me to get my first date internet free? Anyone else out there addicted? Would love to hear your story and would love some male perspective! Email me at mylifeonmatch@gmail.com.

Happy Friday!

Ps. I'm not going to get a date tonight. I'm headed to west hollywood for an art opening. Another night of hot guys checking out other hot guys. At least there will be eye candy.

My DREAM guy - The list!

2011-07-15T09:54:00.000-07:00

Everyone says that when you put something you want out there in the universe it is more likely to come true. Well, I'm going to put this to the test. I put together the characteristics I would like in my dream man. Yes, some of these things are negotiable, but I'm talking DREAM man here, not some Joe Shmoe off the street!

Here it is:

Over 6'

Dark hair (light eyes are a huge plus)

Has drive (family and job)

College graduate

Creative

Can carry an intellectual conversation

Challenges me

Up-to-date with news and pop culture

Social drinker

Doesn't smoke

2-6 yrs older than me

Has siblings and a relationship with his family

Physically fit

Likes to play and watch sports

Finds me sexy

Loves me for who I am and the way I am

Likes the arts (museums, plays, etc.)

Enjoys good food & going out to dinner

Wants kids

Likes dogs and doesn't have a cat

Financially stable

Lives in or wants to live in Southern California

Romantic/chivalrous

Honest

Loyal

Good communicator (email, phone, in person)

Has a career

Likes music (even country)

Complimentary

Is funny/ has a good sense of humor

Is affectionate

Likes my family

Has good teeth

Is kind

Has good manners

Is outgoing (doesn't need to be entertained in a group)

Has his own circle of friends

Has traveled (even a little)

If I had to compare him to a TV character, I would probably want to date Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother.

Is this too much to ask? Probably, but I'm throwing it out there anyway! This is what my ideal guy would look like...

Ok, universe, do your magic!

When Match.com Comes to LIFE...

2011-07-12T16:02:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I was invited to a birthday party. The hostess is a party planner, so I knew the party was going to be top shelf. We all met at this great bar on the west side and got table service (it was hilarious... like we were in Vegas!). I was expecting to have a few too many drinks and do a little dancing, but wasn't expecting my online dating world to literally be staring back at me.

It was like I was in Where the Wild Things Are... many of the men I had seen online were now standing in front of me. Match.com had COME TO LIFE.

So, my girlfriends and I did what all smart girls since they have seen Clueless - we did several laps of the bar before committing to a location. Unfortunately, our location was in the boondocks. But, as we walked around I had a story for each man...

Man 1: I think he is perfect for me. He apparently does not. He was wearing a wedding ring in one of his photos. I emailed him and asked if he was married. The pictured was cropped. So, I know he read my email, but never responded!

Man 2: Friends with Man 1 and in a few pictures together. Very good looking, but again, didn't email me back.

Man 3: Looked familiar, but didn't look exactly like he did online. I have never reached out to him.

Man 4: Is definitely online, but looks like he is there with a girlfriend. Or at least she thinks she is his girlfriend.

So... what do you do when you actually run into people that you have checked out online? After my lap I went back to stand next to them at the bar and the cute boys had vanished.

But, this also happens to me almost everyday at the gym. Match and OkCupid bounce off the internet walls and end up in my spin class. It's kinda awkward to see someone who has checked out your profile riding next to you. Do you give them the nod or literally wink? ha!

I'm in a bind and would love some advice... Say something? Ignore? Pretend like you didn't see them online? What does one do in this situation?

It's time for coffee talk - comments are encouraged!

The online dating scam - real or fake?

2011-07-08T15:39:00.001-07:00

A few weeks ago there was a special on 20/20 on online dating scams. Did anyone see it? I happen to be at my mom's that night. Thanks to my crush, Mr. Chris Cuomo, she is now convinced I'm getting conned by men in Ghana who pose as hottie military men in need of cash every month. Luckily, she is wrong, but she is right because there are some not nice people out there. In case you missed it, recap here.

So, this brings me to the emails. Do women (or men for that matter) know immediately in an email that someone is "not really in it for love?" Take this email for instance... I read this and immediately thought, "this has got to be a computer automated scam." But, maybe some people aren't so savvy?

NICE PROFILE.
NICE PROFILE YOU DISPLAYED ON HERE. TRYING TO EXHIBIT THE WORLD THROUGH MY EYES. I THINK I FIND IT RATHER FASCINATING BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS THE BEST TO KEEP CALM LOOK CLOSELY BEFORE TAKING A DIVE. SO IN ALL I CAN SAY... A NICE PICS YOU'VE GOT TOO. BUT THERE'S ONE MORE THING
I'D LIKE TO KNOW. AND THAT IS IF A GENTLE MAN IS WELCOME IN YOUR WORLD? I HOPE NOT BECAUSE A TRUE EXPLORER SHOULD BE READY FOR THE DANGERS AND PLEASURES OF LIFE. WELL I'M Alan William.... AND I HAPPEN TO BE SINGLE AND NEVER MARRIED .. IF IT'S OK BEING FRIENDS WHY DON'T YOU MAIL ME TO MY PRIVATE EMAIL ADDRESS SO I CAN WRITE MORE ABOUT ME. THE REASON IS
THAT AM NOT A FREQUENT SUBSCRIBER ON HERE . GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER IS ALWAYS THE HARDEST PART BUT I SEE THAT COURAGE IN YOU FROM HERE. THROUGH YOUR EYES.TO INCLUDE THIS ADDYDUM I LIKE TO CLEAR THAT DISTANCE/NATIONALITY DOES NOT TRANSCEND IN RELATIONSHIP NOT EVEN AGE IS CONSIDERED A FACTOR.IF INTERESTED AFTER YOU MUST HAVE GONE THROUGH MY
PROFILE LEAVE A MESSAGE. LOOK AROUND YOU, AREN'T YOU HAVING THE CUTEST PICTURE ON match I VOTE YOU'VE GOT THE MOST MAGICAL SMILE I'VE EVER SEEN IN RECENT TIMES... I MAY NOT BE MR. PERFECT I AM Alan AND I HAPPEN TO NEED THE RIGHT WOMAN AROUND.CONTACT ME HERE ON (Personal email address)
CHEERS..Alan

So this is definitely fake. For one it's in all caps. Who does that? Secondly, his name is not in all caps. Weird? Yes. Third? His profile is GONE. Two days after he sent this email his profile has disappeared. Lastly, his English is tortured. Everyone who follows me on twitter knows how much I appreciate good grammar in an email on an online dating site. Don't write me in text language unless we are texting (or tweeting).

So, guys and girls out there, beware of the scam, but be smart. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck (oh, and asks you for cash), it probably is a creepy conman from Ghana (according to 20/20 - not me!).

Romantic Comedy in 60 seconds

2011-06-14T13:54:00.001-07:00

Yup - Love this.

March Madness and Another "Really?" Date

2011-06-04T14:01:00.000-07:00

First off, so sorry for the lack of posts! Work has been getting the best of me. I have however, been dating away and some of the dates haven't really been blog-worthy (you can follow me on twitter and I live tweet from my dates in the valet line and bathroom for your enjoyment! @mylifeonmatch). Just a plethora of nice guys that aren't for me. But... then again, there are few that I can talk about. Today's post with feature, March Madness Man. We'll call him 3M.

So, 3M and I met on OK Cupid. I hadn't been out in a while and he reached out. He seemed like a nice guy. 38, tall, brown hair and lived within 20 miles of me. (Side note: As many of you in LA know, anything over 20 miles, and sometimes under, can be a long distance relationship. Sometimes it can take you 20 minutes to get to your date and sometimes it can take you 2 hours. More than likely, it always the latter.)

3M and I emailed a few times and decided to meet at a sports bar on the third street promenade in Santa Monica. Earlier in the day, I checked in via text to make sure we were still on and he texted me back saying he was bowling for a charity event and would try to make it as close to 1pm as possible. We settled on 1pm so we could grab a bite and watch the game of one of my favorite Pac-10 (now Pac-12) teams.

I leave my house giving me ample time to get there park and meet him out front. At 12:50pm I roll in and see a table up front. Since it is a packed sports bar I grab the table as soon as I can. Also, since it is a busy bar, I have to order something in order to keep the table. So, I order a beer, take off my sweater, aim myself towards the TV and wait.

1pm rolls by.... I get a text, "I'm on my way! Sorry, bad traffic."

1:15pm rolls by... nothing.

1:20pm... I'm getting a little annoyed and now a little embarrassed that I am holding this table for myself in a land of cute guys all with their friends cheering on the game. I send 3M a text, "I got us a great table. I'm wearing jeans and a pink and white top. Hope to see you soon."

1:30pm... Text from 3M. "Hey, trying to park. Wow, the traffic is bad around here." The entire time I'm thinking, "Duh... have you NEVER been to Santa Monica on a Saturday?"

1:45pm... 3M rolls in.

Him: "Wow. Had to no idea how bad the traffic would be."

Me: "How long have you lived in LA?"

Him: "10 years"

SERIOUSLY? AND YOU HAD NO IDEA HOW BAD THE TRAFFIC WOULD BE?

Me: "Ok. Well, sorry. I had to order a drink to save us this table. Hope you don't mind."

Him: "No, but is that your first drink?"

Me: "Um, yes." Did he expect me not to drink or to be wasted?

Him: "Well, I just had a bunch of bowling food, but could really go for some fries. You want something?"

Me: "I think I'll have another drink." I'm also thinking... aren't fries bowling food?

Now, 3M is a nice guy, but again (you guys know my luck with the online dating scene), his pictures are definitely a few years old. 3M is balding and supporting a tummy that could easily pass for a woman in her 2nd trimester.

Back to the game that is getting good.

Him: "Who are you rooting for?"

I tell him the team I like and why I like them (no, I didn't go to school there, but know a bunch of people who did). He then decides to make things interesting that he is going to root for the other team, just because.

Now, I'm a competitive person, but really? We're supposed to get to know each other on this date. He was 45 minutes late and is now going to root against me?

Throughout the game and the bucket of fries, we talk about what we do. It's like we're on two different planets. He says he is saving the world on his profile. He works in politics (and is on the other side of spectrum than I am). I say I'm saving the world on my profile. I work for a number of nonprofits. Ok, neither of us are really saving the world, but come on...

Back to the game... we're in double overtime. My team is playing awesome, but the game is close. 3M is now standing up and cheering on the other team... JUST. BECAUSE. My team loses. 3M is now laughing. And just like that the date was over. I'm not a poor sport, but I am a little annoyed. We have also run out of things to talk about.

We leave on nice terms... "Great meeting you. Thanks for the beer!" But, my interest level in him is at a zero. I think nothing of it and head home. At least I got to see the game on the big screen.

A MONTH LATER, 3M calls and leaves a message on my cell. I have saved it because it still makes me laugh. "Hey, Emily, It's 3M from OK Cupid (like it's his company). Was just calling to check in and say hi. I hope we can still be friends. Maybe I'll run into you again sometime? Talk soon!"

Did he just give me the "I hope we can be friends" line? It's like he broke up with me and we went on one date, a MONTH ago!

Again, another great experience, but goes down in my books as a "really?" date because every time I think about it the only word that comes to mind is "really?"

Not my kind of "Out Of This World"

2011-03-16T18:42:00.000-07:00

As many of my tweeple know, I went on a date last week that was in one word "odd." But, let me start from the beginning.

I was playing my usual late name game of quickmatch on OK Cupid. You know how some people are addicted to Angry Birds? That's me with quickmatch. I can't rate 'em fast enough! (BTW, they are mostly 1-2 stars! What up cupid - get with the program and get some better aim!) I finally came across a guy who seemed decent, had a job and normal things to say. So I gave him 4 stars and hoped for the best.

The next morning I got a wink and an email from said mystery man and 2 days later we had a date planned for early the next week. I appreciated a lot of things from his emailing... he used correct grammar, spelled whole words and planned the date that was on my side of town. The best part? The date was at a wine bar!

Side note: I figure that bars are a great place for a first date because they have alcohol to divert the attention if need be and the drinks tend to let some nervous or shy people come out of their shell (ps. I don't need alcohol to be me. I was born shell-less).

In his emails he told me that he looked like Clark Kent. Hmm... the expectations were now VERY high. Who actually looks like Clark Kent??

About an hour late I met "Clark" at the bar. He was waiting for me outside (in the rain!) and had already taken the liberty of getting us a table and wine cards. At this point I'm thinking "WOO HOO! This guy is a planner. I like it!" AND... he did look a little like Clark Kent. Yippee!

And that my friends was the high point of the date... We each got a glass of wine, he ordered some food and then the talking began... please note, none of the below items I am about to share were in his profile. Ah, the joys of online dating.

Subject 1: School & Job

Me: Where did you go to school?

Clark: Well, I went to Seminary in NY for a while and now I'm an atheist.

Me: Woah, back up there. You went to seminary? To be a Rabbi? (Yes, his name is very jewish, I went out on the limb, sue me.)

Clark: Yup. I actually graduated from there, but stopped taken my seminary classes 2 years in.

Me: Ok, so now what do you believe in? (Now, I'm fascinated and want to know more!)

Clark: I don't believe in a higher being. I'm a writer now and am really into what else is out there. I spend a lot of time thinking about the other me in a parallel universe. (At this point I wanted to put my fingers together like Evie from Out of the World and get out of this bar, but am oddly interested at the same time.)

Me: huh? Like the show Fringe?

Clark: I don't watch TV.

Me: But, you're a screenwriter?

Clark: Yes, but I write movies.

Me: Cool, like what?

Clark: Well, nothing has been sold yet.

Me: (OMG. Kill me now.) Another glass of wine?

Subject 2: Fate vs Destiny?

The date then takes a turn when he says something about "everything happens for a reason."

Me: Oh, so you believe in fate? Destiny?

Clark: Um, no. Where did you get that?

Me: Well, isn't fate really when everything happens for a reason?

Clark: No.

Me: huh? (This debate continues on for a few minutes while both of us very strongly stand out ground on our beliefs). Oh look, my glass is empty again! (We're getting 1 ounce tastes of everything. I DO need to drive home!)

After our final tasting, I'm getting a little annoyed. I can really talk to anyone about anything and this is like an interview gone bad, yet for some reason, he wants to keep chatting. Finally, Clark agrees that maybe it is time to go and we head outside to our cars.

Me: Where did you park, maybe we can walk together?

Clark: Oh, not that lot. That's the expensive one.

Me: Um, ok. I parked over there (pointing to a different lot across the street)

Clark: Oh good! That's the lot I parked in too!

Me: Great! (Yes, I'm wearing open-toed heels in the rain and am now annoyed.)

As we get to my car...

Clark: Well, this was fun. Not sure if it's rude to say, but I definitely don't think we have a romantic connection. But, I'd still love to hang out sometime.

Me: Haha! I agree! Great... well, you know where to find me!

Clark: Sounds good - nite! (As he roams around having no idea where his car is.)

No. Neither of us have reached out. And the dating game continues!

That's Right... I'm now taking marriage advice from a 5 year old

2011-02-23T11:28:00.001-08:00

Well, at least SHE thinks, I'm doing it right. I've got the job, where's the man?

Don't you have ANYONE to set me up with??

2011-02-10T18:22:00.000-08:00

You know how once you hit a certain age, you start asking anyone and everyone, "don't you have someone to set me up with?" Then you you start asking around and it seems that NO ONE has anyone to set you up with. I have yet to understand how this is possible... My favorite friend line is, "Yes, I know some single guys, but I am NOT introducing them to you. They are single for a reason."

Wait... does that mean I'm single for a reason??

No fear singletons... there is ANOTHER online app that leverages the power of your friends on Facebook to hook up their single friends. Introducing, Heartbroker.

If you haven't clued in yet, a "heartbroker" is the friend you pick to profile you to help you find the one true love. The idea behind the new company is that friends won't lie and will do their best to find you a match (or get your laid - depending on the friend).

Here’s how the company describes the process: “Heartbroker works by having singles ask their trusted friends to write a testimonial and rate them on five simple attributes. The testimonials are listed on singles’ profiles so that their matches can evaluate them. The attribute ratings, on the other hand, remain confidential to encourage honest feedback, and are used to determine compatibility with others. Friends can also try their hand at playing Cupid with Heartbroker by suggesting matches to their single friends.”

My favorite part is that the singleton must first approve a Heartbroker for the feedback to count, so you don't need to worry about a crazy college roommate (dude, how insane does that movie look, btw?) posting something out you and trying to get you killed by an axe murderer.

Once you approve the testimonial from you Heartbroker, it is displayed on your public profile (don't forget single boys, NO pics in the bathroom mirror with our without your shirt on), which can then be viewed by other Heartbroker users.

Now, a little bit about the testimonial. It's really not that much work. Your friend will rate you on attractiveness (if they say you're ugly, then they are not your friend!), intellect, humor, kindness and “outgoingness.” Now, the company claims the attribute ratings are used only in the company’s matching algorithm and not shown to anyone (ala eHarmony anyone?). That data will always remain hidden, but your friend will see the testimonial you wrote about them, as long as you approve. Make sense?

For now, the site is exclusive to Facebook. To participate, you must have a Facebook account and cannot profile a friend who is not on Facebook. Who doesn't have a Facebook account?? And Zoosk - you might be screwed.

The idea behind the site is to make the online dating process more social, moving it away from the “solitary self-promotion” ofthe current online dating market.

So, I'm gonna get my little sister to write something amazing about me and I'll report back when I'm married in a few months. Till then - Happy Valentine's Day!

Marriage in 60 seconds

2011-02-10T10:43:00.000-08:00

And we're all looking for love, why? GREAT video :)

Chance Encounters - You can online date, but you can't hide!

2011-01-13T14:05:00.000-08:00

Why? Why is it when you break up with someone they always seem to make their way back into your life? My answer is that the world is too small and online dating makes it even smaller. You can online date, but you can't hide!

Chance Encounter 1:

My ex-boyfriend, who I dated for over a year and broke up with me days before my sister's wedding (see my ex-boyfriend peed on me entry), hadn't seen each other in about a year. I had started a new job and was looking for love online.

Me: Ooh! I have a message from someone! (log on).

Inbox: Letter from x-boyfriend. "Fancy meeting you here! Wow! We're a 97% match! Who knew?

Me: Inside my very annoyed head... "SERIOUSLY?? Um, we were together for a year."

Outbox: Letter from me back to ex-boyfriend. "Yeah. Damn that 3%, huh?"

Inbox: Radio Silence.

Chance Encounter 2:

The banker (see Friend Zone entry) who I met on Match. The banker is still a doll. Nice guy who I just didn't and don't want to have sex with. In an effort to find someone I do want to have sex with, I joined a high-end gym in LA. As I am there in my workout clothes and sporting my holiday winter weight, The banker walks in and says hello.

The banker: Hey! What are you doing here?

Me: Ya know, joining a gym. Good holiday (and other annoying small talk in front of gym membership girl)?

The banker: Yes, it was amazing.

Me: So, hey, since you're standing here... do you want my referral?

Membership girl: You get a free month!!

The banker: Sure, that would be awesome.

Me: Well, it's the least I can do to pay you back after all those nice dates that didn't really pan out for you. (yes, I actually said that as the membership girl starts to giggle)

The banker: Um, cool, thanks.

Me: Oooookay! Bye!

Chance Encounter 3:

Another online doozy! My little sister ran into a hot older guy that lives where we grew up this fall (Again, see my ex-boyf the pisser!). Apparently after reaching out to hot older guy on my own and not hearing back, I have discovered that he really only wanted to hit on my little married sister, than get my number. He is now on Match. We are a 90% match and I check him out everyday just to make him feel bad.

Chance Encounter 4-6:

I went to a school where the girls were kinda cute and the boys were so-so. Still, I always had a cute boyfriend or someone to make out with and have gorgeous girl friends. Either way, most of my friends didn't marry someone we went to school with, so it's no shock when I see them online. The funny thing is when they see YOU online! In the last three weeks, I have seen and been checked out by someone I made out with on Valentine's Day '99, someone I took condoms from for a sorority treasure hunt in '00 and then someone I dated briefly post college in '02, but I met in school. That's right girls, my sloppy seconds are up grabs on Match! Who wants 'em?

The thing that makes me laugh is that I live in a HUGE city, how can the internet (and one dating site) make the world so small?

Singledom during the holidays...

2010-12-22T10:51:00.000-08:00

You're not alone. I went through some holiday depression this holiday season. Woe is me... I'm carrying around some winter weight (tan fat is hands down better than white fat!) and both my sisters have husbands and their own families when I have myself... But, I took that thought and ran with it. I have myself. No one to be responsible for, no extra people to spend money on, no in-laws to deal with during the holidays. No surprise here, but I perked up pretty quick!

This happy holiday attitude was in part to my tweeps and their thoughts on what singledom means to them during the holidays. This is what they came up with. Hope it perks you up too. There are some pros to being single during the holidays!

Finish this sentence, "Singledom during the holidays means..."
@MyLifeonMatch one less person to shop for!
@lunalove31 i don't have to bring anything thing to my mom's house b/c i dont have a plus 1... YES
@MeetMeninNY not having to go someone else an expensive gift
@Singleintheciti I'm not disappointed when he get's me a crappy gift
@Singleintheciti I don't have to spend time with someone else's family that I may not really like
@LAmoureuseand I don't have to pretend to restrain myself on xmas cake
@MsChick74 being able to kiss more than one guy under the mistletoe!
@ButterandHoney not having to buy &/or receive gifts from significant other where u have to feign excitement. "Gee, thx! U shouldn't have..."
@misstaylorcast I can afford the $200 I just spent on a coat instead of a gift for a bf
@singlegirlie No relationship drama!
@SSDated Bliss. The most fun possible. Sexy fun. Freedom. Whatever your little heart desires
@TheDatingFiles Less Stress!
@CoolAssPuppy More cupcakes for me!
@hotrodgal means no arguing over whose family to spend the holidays with and more eggnog for me!!
@maryjanedupott more $ to buy ME something special and i know i'll like it.
@BSargentOKC one less family to feel awkward around.

And my FAVORITE! @BobbiPal Love can be right around the corner

So, don't have to have a Blue Christmas this holiday season. Live it up! Take that extra cash you would have spent on someone else and join a gym, join an online dating service or just meet up with your friends, have a few cocktails and make fun of all of your married friends that are having to eat dry Turkey and wear an ugly sweater at their in-law's house.

2010 has been a GREAT year for me and I know 2011 will be even better. HUGE cheers and thanks to all my tweeps out there. You guys rock and remind me that I'm not alone in this crazy life of a singleton (during the holidays!)

Make sure to check out the tweeps above and if you're not on twitter yet, 2011 is the perfect time to start. I tweet during dates. Yup... that's reason enough to join! Please pass this post on and finish this sentence in the comments yourself... "Singledom during the holidays means..."

The Modern Day Love Letter

2010-10-21T15:02:00.000-07:00

I have been getting some seriously interesting emails from guys on dating sites lately and some of them are too good to not post.

The thing I don't really understand about this one is that I'm not a "talk radio" fan. My profile says I like music, but nothing says anything about talk radio. What would make him write NPR Anyone?" in the subject line? It doesn't scream OPEN ME, does it?

Email 1 (via Match.com):
Subject: NPR Anyone?
I consider myself to be a well rounded handsome worldly generous individual who appreciates and enjoys the time to cook for people that I deeply appreciate and enjoy. Add some nice red wine and you have someone who resonates with passion for the meaning of living in this world, intellect to talk about worldly politics, after all the world around us is larger then what we see and live in. I would love to learn more about you, your passions, what excites you about life, where did you grow up perhaps share some nice stores of exploring the world over a nice bottle of wine. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Cheers

Unfortunately, I haven't traveled much either. I did the whole "studying abroad" thing, but it's not like I have a treasure chest of "exploring the world" stories. Did I mention in his "about me" he says that he is LONELY?

This next one starts with the online dating cold call and it goes downhill from there.

Email 2 (via OkCupid):
Subject: Are people afraid to meet you?
Well I am. I could have sworn I've seen your profile and emailed you before, but either Cupid is now freelancing as a professional cleaner and wiped it off the map, or I'm mistaken... My favorite dates have by far been the ones staying in with someone getting to know them whilst watching cheesy old movies with some snacks. That's pretty rare for a first date understandably, but I guess I give off that trustworthy vibe. That makes me happy that my true self shines through the filter of the internet. Dinner, or a walk on the beach would be second place. Going to the movies would be the last. Why do people who don't know each other go to sit next to each other in silence at a theater for two hours? weird. At this point, it all comes down to whether or not you think we sound similar or not. Tell Cupid to take a five minute break and take a gander at my profile if you'd like.

So... he's afraid to meet me, but wants to me to come over to his house for our first date?

And, my favorite... the old man email. This was the last of the chain. He is 46, bald and kinda looks like Jennifer Lopez's hip hop ex-husband Chris Whats-His-Face. He winked. I sent him the "thanks, but no thanks," response. He sent me this...

my last three girlfriends were 25 27 29...
i really know how to listen to... understand...enlighten.. teach...spoil and pamper gals your age.. Give me 5 mins on the tel..and i promise i will change your mind..
its time to date a man....not boys.

To my delight, I'm not the only one getting interesting online dating emails. My tweeple @shesaystoomuch and @hotrodgal (please follow them if you're not!) are getting similar "really?" emails in their inboxes.

The "Unfortuante" Email to @shesaystoomuch:
Well. Aren't you gorgeous for being 35 and so tiny. Thought you were underage at first. It's not often I can say that about such a fragile and innocent girl being very attractive. You probably can't keep up with an experienced and bad boy unfortunately, can you? We'd definitely make good looking kids though.

My girl @hotrodgal has too many crazy emails to count, but here are my two favorites:
Email 1. 10 points to the person who can read this and translate it correctly the first time. PS. @hotrodgal is not 15.
hey whats sup i never been with a punk rock chick lol how u doing today love ya page n pics i just got home fom work and checked ur page u seem like cool peoples and age just a number and no im not a man hore lol i have no kids im been livin out here for 3 yrs and only been with one gurl i came from new york and no im not a yankee lol check it im 30 puerto rican italian mix best of both worlds baby wanna be my suga momma lol jk so what u do for fun?

Email 2. There really aren't any words to even describe this.
Dear Life Companion, Since Providence Has Taken The Curvy Wench Out Of My Life, To Reside In Some Far Distant Kingdom, I Am Looking For A Life Companion With Whom To Travel To Society for Creative Anachronism Events Preferably An Ansteorran Woman From The Barony of Raven's Fort Or The Barony of Stargate With A Few Extra Pounds In All The Right Places!!! I like going to the Society for Creative Anachronism. The SCA is an organization dedicated to researching and re-creating the arts and skills of pre-17th-century Europe. Members, dressed in clothing of the Middle Ages and Renaissance, attend events which feature tournaments, royal courts, feasts, dancing, various classes & workshops, and the like. If we were to become friends I was wondering if you would be willing to travel to and attend some of these events with me. You may be familiar with the Texas Renaissance Festival what SCA does is similar that only on a smaller scale. Feel free to ask me ANYTHING and I will try to answer open and HONESTLY.

Honestly, I'm not dressing up and going to fairs with you.

Send me your worst online dating emails and maybe you'll be featured!! Guys out there, do you get emails like these too (that aren't scammers posing to be Russian mail order brides)? At least you can be happy to know you're not alone.

Sexter Update! (and the future of Sexting?)

2010-10-14T11:39:00.000-07:00

My tweeple know that The Sexter is on my shit list. He came back from a few weeks away and I have discovered he can talk the talk, but can't walk the walk.

When he returned, sexts picked up right where they left off. Things were hot and heavy until his impromptu visit to my office. He stopped by, said hi and left. Now, this is not how I saw things going in my mind? I pictured things getting pushed off my desk as I was being pushed onto it! No, that didn't happen.

When I texted him later that afternoon saying... "Seriously? Hi? Bummed to know you can talk the talk, but can't walk the walk. Slam me against a wall and have your way with me or stop texting me. This is getting boring."

His response? "Maybe it's better it just fantasize." OH. NO. HE. DIDN'T! Now, this would be one thing if we had never met, but he not only knows what I look like, but has known me for 10 years!

So... back to the grind. Or at least I thought... Apple is trying to eff my new sexting hobby too! Thank God, I'm not 16.

A patent (filed in 2008) was just approved for "systems, devices, and methods" of filtering "text-based messages" based on "objectionable content." You know: Sexting and my recent pastime. This iPhone app can now help overbearing parents control their children's text messages and email. Again, THANK God I'm not 16 and didn't live in the age of text messages in high school.

Here's the text of the patent:
"Systems, devices, and methods are provided for enabling a user to control the content of text-based messages sent to or received from an administered device. In some embodiments, a message will be blocked (incoming or outgoing) if the message includes forbidden content. In other embodiments, the objectionable content is removed from the message prior to transmission or as part of the receiving process. The content of such a message is controlled by filtering the message based on defined criteria. The criteria may be defined according to a parental control application. These techniques also may be used, in accordance with instructional embodiments, to require the administered devices to include certain text in messages. These embodiments might, for example, require that a certain number of Spanish words per day be included in e-mails for a child learning Spanish "

In my day, I would have found a way to get around this. For example, my friends and I used to refer to the liquor store as the "library" and beer as "books." My parents probably caught on, but it took them a few tries. So, my guess is that teens will figure out ways to get around content-blocking, like using different words, or, say, picking up the phone and calling their sexters.

I also don't get the whole "Spanish" thing...

As a fun little comment game, post your favorite sext to get around this new app. I dare you.

If I was a teen I would sext something like... "I can't wait rub your corn cob between my chest pillows." Bwhahahaha!

Is it possible to have the Happiness TRIFECTA?

2010-10-12T13:23:00.000-07:00

My friends and I have talked about this for years and all agree that the Happiness Trifecta may just be an urban legend, but for me, it has always been something that I can't seem to get around! For those of you who don't know what it is, the Happiness Trifecta (I'm working on my Trademark and copyright as we speak!) is when everything is going great in your love life, home life and work life all at the same time. Yes, it seems insane, because it is. With things like Murphy's Law the minute one thing seems to be going well something else gets all effed up.

For example, you get a great job and move into a new huge apartment with ocean views. The minute things are going well, your boyfriend breaks up with you.

Then, work seems to be going well, your house is all decorated and you meet someone new. A month later you get laid off and you're back to where you started.

Now, while I believe the Happiness Trifecta to be a governing movement in my life, I always add the elusive "health" factor in too. This just makes things annoying... things are going great and then I'm walking around with swine flu!

So, I ask you all out there is the Happiness Trifecta something you believe in? Think about it and let me know...

When Your Ex-Boyfriend Pees on You

2010-10-04T14:15:00.000-07:00

If I was a dog, my ex-boyfriend peed on me this weekend. Yup, he marked his territory to make sure no other dogs would want anything to do with me. And, the best part? We haven't really talked in about two years.

A little background info...

McDouche (ex-Boyf, who used to be a McDreamy and is now known as McDouche) and I dated for a year long distance (LA to Northern California). That was four years ago. We grew up in the same town except he graduated four years before me. I had always known about him, but when we met at a bar post college, sparks flew. A day before I moved to Northern California he emailed me. Our first date was three days long. I fell hard.

We broke up the day before my 27th bday and nine days before my sister's wedding. Everyone at the wedding asked where he was and why he wasn't there. It was a nightmare.

A few months later I moved back to Los Angeles for a job and he could've cared less. He Facebooked me. I ignored him. Unfortunately, because we grew up in the same town, there is still a lot of crossover. My sisters run into him and his new girlfriend all the time. And that's exactly what happened this past weekend.

My sister was at a street fair and ended up at the local bar. She really wants me to find someone wonderful and whenever she sees a cute guy she asks if he is single and if he wants my number. (Hell, I date people I meet online, my little sis pimping me out can't be any worse!) So, she saw a cute guy (yes, someone else from the town we grew up in) and got his card for me. Then, she ran into McDouche. McDouche was sitting next to his latest girlfriend and said hello. He then noticed the card (that read, "For Emily" on it) in my little sister's hand and grabbed it. He looked at it, ripped it up and said "Your sister deserves better than this."

Seriously? He should have just peed on me in this animal kingdom we call a world. It would have been easier.

My sister gave the cute new guy my info anyways. We'll see what happens.

I Have Entered the FRIEND ZONE

2010-09-27T13:50:00.000-07:00

As you guys know, I'm in sexter withdrawal and spent the last two weeks giving the Banker a chance. Here's the update...

It's been about three weeks and we've gone on three dates. The Banker is what you want your friends to marry. He is so sweet, pays for everything, and asks thoughtful questions. For example, I was out of town for a few days and he asked if we wanted to grab dinner and then go back to my place so I could catch up on my TV. No, I'm not dumb, I'm sure he wanted to go back to my place for a different reason, but the fact that he knows I have a close and complicated relationship with my dvr is nice.

Our second date was great. We went to a really nice dinner, got a little buzzed and made out like teenagers while watching Jersey Shore. It was FUN.

The problem? Last week we entered the FRIEND ZONE.

We decided to grab an early dinner and catch a movie. The whole date was great, but mid-movie as my hand was in the 7th grade pose hoping to get grabbed, I realized I really didn't want my hand to be grabbed. Our dinner conversation was more on a friend level. Now, we were in the dark and there was nothing urging me to put my hand on his leg, whisper in his ear, etc.

After the movie we headed back to my house. (side note: the electronic house music in the car was a bit of a buzz kill even when not drinking.) I was pooped, but invited him. Come on... I'm really trying here! Now, we're in my house and NOTHING. We watched TV. He leaned over and kissed me and the hot make-out sesh we had had the week before was a thing of the past. (This again, just proved to me the importance of alcohol in a relationship!) The kiss was wet and sloppy.

I'm now going to have to have the talk... "It's not you, It's me." "You're such a nice guy." "There just isn't any chemistry."

Back to the drawing board... have three dates set up for the next two weeks. And... we'll see if the sexter picks things up where he left them off.

My question to you all this week is... what does the FRIEND ZONE look like for you? And, what do you do once you're in it??

My Sexting Cherry Has Been Popped

2010-09-13T13:37:00.000-07:00

I still don't really know how this happen. One day I was a sexting virgin and the next day I'm sending things in texts I wouldn't do in real life... Who is this slutty girl and how the hell did she get her hands on my iPhone? Oh, wait... that scandalous sexting girl is me!

So, the last week has been filled with confusion, dates and sexts all having almost nothing to do with each other.

Lets start with the sexting. Midweek I went on a lunch date with a guy friend. I guy I have known for ages. I even dated one of his friends. We were going to lunch because I wanted to set him up with one of my friend's friends. Somewhere between lunch and getting back to our offices (a 5-minute walk) the emails began. Over the afternoon, the emails were flirty, fun and a little risque. Once day turned to night the emails turned to sexts.

If you were in my apartment with me, my face would have looked something like this...

Two days and 562 texts sent and received later, my face looked like this:

Over the weekend I slowly turned into Pavlov's dog of sexting. I would hear the ding of texts coming in and all of the blood would rush down to my nether region. Words like naughty, tits, and cock were filling me head. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm no saint, but I'm not a one-night-stand kind-of-girl either.

In the midst of all of this, I'm also getting completely PG texts from a guy I've been out with a few times (we'll call him the Banker). The Banker is so nice, great on paper and "hopes I'm having a great day" every morning. The problem? I'm not all that physically attracted to him (although he is a good kisser). And all I can think about is getting slammed against a wall letting sexting boy have his way with me.

No, I haven't seen sexting boy in person since our lunch, but our sexts sessions have been wild and have taken place everyday from about noon to two and then 9-11 every night for almost a week.

It's like I have a devil and angel on my shoulders and need to make a decision... or I could just play this whole thing out and see what happens. The nice guy who wants to take me on dates and tells me I'm pretty or the sexter or wants me to send him pics of my boobs, but gets me all hot and bothered (yes, he is cute and has a job)?

Also... have you noticed that when it rains, it pours? No dates all of August and now I have 4 set up for next week. This dating/sexting this is exhausting, but you won't hear my complaining!

I wanna hear everyone's take on sexting. I'm still trying to figure out how it's such a huge fad with teens. Are they THAT sexually active that they have the knowledge of what to sext or do they just watch a lot of porn and follow the leader? Just so you know, phrases like "you naughty, dirty girl" are SO passe.

Fine... Sometimes It's My Fault

2010-09-07T16:33:00.000-07:00

I'm baaack! As many of you know, I took a much-needed dating hiatus for the month of August. I needed some me time. To hang out with my friends, move into my new apartment, clean out my closet and get rid of everything that I didn't need. I purged. I purged both material items and things in my life I realized weren't good for me... shitty friends, a few extra pounds, old emails from x-boyfriends, etc.

Now, it's September. I'm 31 and ready to date men, not boys. August was also the month when dove into The Duchess Guide Summer Loving Series. The class is about focusing on yourself and what you want out of life, love, etc. (I recommend everyone check out the site stat, because Duchess Jill Brown is amazing!) One thing I learned about myself is that sometimes a crappy date is 100% my fault! While I would like to believe that I am perfect, I'm not and have been known a time or two to eff things up just fine on my own.

So, in the name of rehabing myself, I'm gonna come clean and tell the world about a few dates where I was the one who effed up.

Bachelor #1:

I met B#1 on Match. He reached out to me, was older, attractive and seemed to have his shit together. He was perfect on paper and seemed pretty perfect in person too. We met at a cute restaurant in LA and upon meeting me suggested we parlay drinks to dinner. WOO HOO. About an hour into dinner I realize that I have down 2 glasses of wine pretty quickly. As dinner was being removed and B#1 was reviewing the dessert menu, I try to be funny, tell a story with my hands and knock over glass of wine #3 into B#1's lap while drowning his blackberry on the way. Instead of laughing this off like I hoped he would, we called it a night and I never heard from B#1 again (that is until I was matched up with him on eharmony last month. Yes, story about that will come soon as we are supposed to have drinks in a few weeks.).

Bachelor #2:

I actually went out with B#2 during my dating hiatus. He emailed me one morning and asked if I wanted to get coffee. 2 hours later we were at one of my least favorite restaurants not drinking coffee (I'm still confused about that part). Either way, it was a nice little get to know you. He asked me to email him my number - which I did when I got back to the office. A week went by and radio silence. There was this great event coming up that I thought he would like, so I emailed him and said "Bummer, I guess I had more fun on our little get to know you than you did. Anyways, thought you would love this event." He responded with, "I've been texting you and haven't heard back."

That's right kids, I gave him the wrong number. I emailed from my iPhone and put in a 7 where an 8 should have been. No worries - problem solved! Or so I thought...

A few days later I asked if he wanted to hit up a bbq with me that weekend. The next morning I check my match to see that my subscription has expired. No big deal, I'll renew. Then as I try to input my credit card info I'm alerted that the number has been stolen and the bank has now frozen all of my assets. That's right I can't re-subscribe until I can get a hold of the bank. That doesn't happen until the morning of the party (due to the holiday weekend) where B#2 has now emailed me 2 days earlier saying he would love to come. I called B#2 to set things up and haven't heard back. I even texted an apology and still nothing.

So, see? Sometimes the stars aren't aligned and things can't always work out the way you want them to. I am at fault sometimes and am now more ready than ever before to see what else life has to throw at me. Lots of dates set up for the next few weeks... stay tuned.

The Awkward First Date!

2010-07-26T13:34:00.000-07:00

I'm a little behind in my movie watching, but just caught The Invention of Lying on HBO. The date scene KILLS ME!

Yes, I do feel like many of the dates I've gone on and heard of could've gone something like this...

Bwhaha!

The Online Dating Cold Call

2010-07-22T14:41:00.001-07:00

I have NO idea what is happening, but I am experiencing a new type of online dating that I have never experienced before... otherwise known as, the online dating cold call (awesomely named by twitter friend @MattTheMedic). This is when you have never winked, eflirted, instant messaged or had any contact with someone before on a dating site and they claim you have.

This week I have received the following cold calls...

Thanks for the 'wink', I'm flattered!
Very cute profile...and, you live so close! I'd love to hear back from you. It's so beautiful out today...it would be great to meet you for a drink outside somewhere! Hope your interested and if so...send me a number to arrange!
Cheers,
Cold Call Guy 1

* When I first received this I was confused... did I wink at this guy? He doesn't look familiar. When in fact I was correct... I didn't wink at him. In fact he was significantly out of my age range (and spelled YOU'RE wrong). But, his tactic did make me give his profile a second glance... was I losing my mind?

Then... it happened again...

You winked at me, I winked at you or did I wink at you and forget? I've done that before....:)
If not, we should meet for a drink tonight.

Cold Call Guy 2

* I have never winked at or even checked out this guy and did he just ask me out for TONIGHT??

And, the third time's a charm!

Hey there, how's it going? I was just logging in and saw we rated each other high. It looks like we have plenty to argue about :), and you are cute as all get out, so I figured I probably should message you.

Cold Call Guy 3

* Hmmm... again, I am left baffled. I swear I didn't score this guy high and when you do give someone 4 or 5 stars and they rate you high OK Cupid sends you an email letting you know that you both find each other somewhat attractive. I never got that email... in fact, this guy got 1 star from me. If that is what we have to argue about, then he is correct.

So, this has me thinking... is this the new tactic in online dating? Do I start emailing guys thanking them for their wink? Is this happening to anyone else?

Things that make you go hmmm...

4 Stars for this online dating profile!

2010-07-19T08:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes there are some profiles that are worth sharing. This is one of them. I think it's awesome. And yes, he lives a good 3000 miles away from me.

My Self Summary:
six foot one, tons o' fun.

I'm the kind of guy who likes to take care of things. I will always be working hard toward the betterment of our relationship.

I'm a skilled homemaker. I mean, I expect to have your meal ready for you when you get home from work. If I find a hair in the bathroom, I am on that thing like Fabio on a "I can't believe its not butter" commercial.

I can do amazing things with my hands, like paint toenails and massage backs. I would just love talking to you in the mirror while I stand behind you combing your hair. I'd probably put my hands on your shoulders and tell you "everything is going to be just fine dear."

I collect Tupperware because, as most suburban moms know, "Ain't no party like a Tupperware party 'cause a Tupperware party don't stop." I love to bake and will most likely have pies and other goodies warm on the window sill whenever you get a craving.

I'm a lover. I really am all about chick flicks and cuddling. If you get cold while we are watching my favorite movie, "He's Just not that Into You," I'll be the one to get up to turn up the heat or put a log on the fire and brew up some peppermint or herbal tea. If you ever need to talk I'll be there for you. I'm a listener and will not only console you but will also bake you some fresh cupcakes to make you feel better.

Being a "seat down" type of guy doesn't mean that I am unwilling to sit down when I pee. In fact, it means just the opposite.

If you ever feel frisky, I'm an excellent love-maker. I try to keep my body up to snuff so that if you ever want me to get oiled up an act like a tanned buff exotic dancer in the bedroom, well, I'd be prepared; as long as we get to snuggle afterward.

People tell me that I look like Brad Pitt's slightly better-looking brother, but with the personality of Oprah Winfrey. I love Oprah. Hopefully we have time to watch that and Sex in the City reruns a lot.

I really like gardening and will undoubtedly find the time to craft an amazing botanical jungle for you. It will probably extend from the villa's rear patio overlooking the ocean unless it blocks the view of the tree with the wild parrots. If you don't like parrots, I am willing to learn falconry as you may feel a kinship to nature and think it best we hunt for our food.

Financial stability is my middle name. I'm earn'in 'em and burn'in 'em; cash'in checks and break'in necks - for the children. I have no children of my own so I like to volunteer my time and money. An investment in a child is the gift that keeps giving. We all grow old and go to jail one day, but before that, we are kids. Period.

I'm an excellent lounge singer and artist. If you wanted to, we could recreate the piano scene from "Pretty Woman" and the pottery wheel scene from "Ghost."

I love nothing better than to dance! I usually don't even need any alcohol to do it either. Sometimes a guy just has to let loose, right? I mean, I like to drink socially, but only when my significant other and I have discussed it and come to a team conclusion that is is appropriate. "I like to party not drink Bacardi 'cause I'm not look'in to throw up on nobody!"

----------------
are you still reading this? If so we will definitely be married, probably.
----------------

My life at the moment is slightly tricky and is sometimes a little much for most girls to handle: I inherited all this money from my grandfather who passed while skydiving near our summer villa in Italy. It came to me in cash and I have nowhere to put it. It is just piling up in my living room and the stacks are too big for the rubber bands, so they keep snapping. I was thinking about maybe just throwing some of it away but I thought maybe someone might want to come take some of it off my hands. I mean, I know it would be a pain in the butt for you to rent a pickup truck and everything, so I'm willing to pay you $30 per hour with health insurance and 401k if you can make some time to haul some of it away. I appreciate your interest in me and hope I might be able to find the love of my life here on this wonderful online dating website. I'm crossing my fingers, but as they say, dreams do come true!

The first things people usually notice about me:
Welshly Arms archery club wound hasn't healed.

My favorite books, movies, music, and food:
Music is something that plays in the heads of ice cream truck drivers as they fall asleep.

Listen closely:
- Blend or mix Two 8oz sticks of cream cheese, two eggs, 1/2 cup of sugar, splash of vanilla
- heat oven to 400 degrees, thaw frozen pie crust in oven for 8 minutes (with holes poked all over)
- take pie crust out of oven, dump batter in to crust, put back in oven cook entire pie for 45 minutes
- finished when a METAL butterknife comes out clean.
- as you sink your teeth into it imagine me without my shirt on

The six things I could never do without:
My curling iron and my hair flattener. I do my hair up and take it down. My record high is seven "up/downs" in a minute. Also double rainbows.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit:
everyone poops

You should message me if:
- you floss
- don't identify yourself with the heels/miniskirt you better be wearing
- enjoy the fighting style I made up when I was 11 (see below)

Fighting Style:
1. two people stand on opposite sides of the room
2. Each person picks a "move" that they must repeat over and over without pause. (there is no room for experimentation or warmup once the move is decided upon)
3. Each person begins their attacking (or defensive) movement as they stand in place on their own sides of the room.
4. After 15 seconds of this "DISPLAY OF POWER" they SLOWLY walk toward their opponent as they continue their movement.
5. When the opponents come together the malay ensues.

* Billy Blanks, my childhood ex-friend, stole my fighting style and sold it commercially as "Taebo." You will notice that when you watch Mr. Cocksucker he repeats his moves over and over, never just doing a single motion and moving on. This alone is PROOF that he was looking in my window when I told him to STAY OFF MY PROPERTY after he hit me with that water balloon even though I told him that my mom said I couldn't get wet.

** The best part? I emailed him telling him how funny his profile was and he asked me if my company was hiring. AWESOME.

But, wait... I don't like you!

2010-07-19T08:33:00.000-07:00

I have been dating A LOT recently. And by dating, I mean going off my "ist" list and seeing what else there is out there. My type obviously hasn't been working for me (according to my family who continually remind me that I'm not married), so I've been dating a variety of people. (I.e. Cameron and Kyle).

Now, from my blog posts you can see that there hasn't been a lot of chemistry or even a blip of connection with any of these guys. But, I'm still bummed and this is why...

JUST BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE YOU, DOESN'T MEAN YOU DON'T LIKE ME!

As I have said, I knew these dates weren't anything to write home about, but I wanted them to like me. I have lots of friends, feel like I make a great first impression, but no phone calls and no email follow up from my last few dates. Yes, I know this is selfish, but doesn't everyone want to be liked? I want to be the one that tells these guys that I wasn't feelin' it, but best of luck on their search for love. But, I haven't had the chance.

Again, I know I'm being silly and irrational, but it is one thing to reject and a totally other thing to be rejected.

Profile Tips from Me to Every Guy Out There!

2010-07-13T11:00:00.000-07:00

I was asked to guest blog on Single City Guy's blog last week and wanted to post expanded tips here as well! I figure the more you know, the better luck you'll have of me not making fun of you! Recently I went on two dates in one week. I was excited about both.

They both looked cute in their online profiles and it seemed like we had a few things in common. Oh, how pictures can be deceiving! Neither date looked ANYTHING like his picture online. One guy even told me that his picture was 10-years-old! So, to help you guys (and girls!) out there who are also in the online dating world, here are a few profile tips to help find you your real match.

While all dating sites are different, the profile picture rules all remain in the same.

Make sure your profile picture (and all other photos) has been taken in the past year and a half.
Post a clear shot of your face, shoulders up. Stay away from professional headshots and profile photos. We want to see the real you!
Steer clear of hats and sunglasses in your main photo. If you’re bald and/or cross-eyed we’re going to find out when we meet you in person anyways… no relationship should be based on lies.

** Girls! This is true for you too! Post of picture of what you look like now, not what you looked like 5 years and 20lbs ago. It’s not fair to either one of you! And… online dating sites are not a model search. Be yourself and maybe you’ll find your match.

Once you have your profile picture down, we would love to learn a little more about you. Some other tips include:

Post of picture of something you love to do. Snowboarding, camping, etc. Then we know what kind of activities we’ll be doing together.
If you have close relationships with your family and friends, post those pictures and don’t forget to label them. Sisters get mistaken for ex-girlfriends all the time.
Do you have a pet? Show us! We need to know who else is shacking up with you!

Now some things you should stay away from:

Please don’t post a picture of your penis. If we like you, don’t worry, we’ll see it!
Don’t take a picture of yourself in your bathroom mirror with your iPhone or Blackberry. This makes you look like you have no friends. If you’re going to be online dating, you’re going to need pictures of you being you.
Stay away from posting pictures of you and other girls. This can send the wrong message that you’re already taken.

With these simple photo rules you should be off to a good start in finding someone that really is your match!

My profile tips are easy too:

Check your spelling and grammar. If YOU'RE not sure if you used the correct spelling of YOUR & YOU'RE or THEIR & THERE, google it.
Please don't use "TEXT" language in your profile or when sending messages. You're sending an email, not a text and you have a full keyboard!
Be specific of what you're looking for. If you just want to meet some new friends, say that. But, if you're actually looking for a relationship, we want to know that too. On that note, if you want to get laid, say you're looking for something "casual." Yes, there are girls out there who are looking for that too.
Be honest. Tell us about YOU. Again, as stated above, it's never good to start a relationship off on lies.
THINK about your intro. There are a few common lines you should stay away from. These include, "My mom thinks I'm a catch," "I can't believe I'm actually online dating," and "It's so hard to write a summary about yourself!" We're all in the same boat! Say something original!
Don't state something you're not. I.e. You're not a foodie just because you like food and you're not "cultural" if you like Shark Week on TV (Just some examples I've run into!).
Re-read your profile before you post it. If something sounds a little "off" we're going to think they same thing. But for us, "off" will mean creepy, weird and psycho killer.
Don't try so hard to be funny/witty. Sarcasm and wit don't come across well in the written word. So write that you have a "sarcastic sense of humor," but save it for our date.
Respond! When a girl reaches out to you and she's not what you're looking for, give the "no thanks" if you're comfortable. Then no one is sitting at home wondering if "he's just not that into you" we now know.
Be you! (but, don't forget all of the other tips in the process)
Be an active online dater. You can't just throw your profile up and hope your dream girl will swoon. You need to put in the effort to get what you're looking for.

Anything I missed? Happy online dating!

My BEST Date This Summer Has Been With...

2010-07-13T10:19:00.000-07:00

My mom.

(no, this isn't us!)

Yes, scary, but true! Last weekend we went to a street fair in Los Angeles. Our whole family got together to go. Both of my sisters are married and my parents are divorced, so my mom and I get paired off a lot when it comes to family functions... movies, holidays, you get the idea.

So, we all decided that we were going to go to the street fair together. I had already had a great afternoon with my sister and friend seeing Eclipse (in a theater where you could DRINK!) and was looking forward to a great evening with my family and a few friends. About 12 of us gathered at my mom's place for appetizers and cocktails and continued what was becoming a great summer day.

Around 8, we all rallied and headed over to the fair which was only a few blocks away. As we were walking over my asked if I would be her date for the night. Awe... cute! The next thing I know she bought my ticket for me! (And you know how many dates I have been on where I'm picking up the check.)

We had a great night. She bought me dinner, we had wine, talked about work, summer, friends, and pop culture (Team Jacob vs Team Edward and that damn Ali on the Bachelorette). Seriously, it was one of the best "dates" I have been on it a while.

The moral of the story (at least for me) is to not take your family for granted. They will always pick you up when you're down and remind you that you are loved. My mom knew exactly what I needed and delivered. Now, if I could just find a guy to do the same thing, I'll be in good shape!

The Geography of Online Dating

2010-07-07T13:13:00.000-07:00

As we know, different sites attract different people. But, what I didn't know is that this foray in online dating love is just a big geography game!

For example... while I have found that eharmony in Los Angeles is full of IT guys and techies, it apparently attracts a totally different kind of guy on the East Coast. Another observation? OK Cupid is crawling with "aspiring actors" and "filmmakers" in Los Angeles, but is a engineer's dream in North Carolina.

So, what gives? Are there just different guys out there who are willing to try online dating or are they looking for something more specific? Are "aspiring actors" just looking for their next meal in LA and are the Techies looking for someone to bring home to the family for the holidays?

I feel like I have a good grasp on the online dating game, but am stumped with this one. Is the key to finding love opening up my mind to a cross country romance? Remember, I think driving to Orange County from LA is a long distance relationship.

I need to know... what does each site offer you in your town? When we get more specifics, I'll add them to the map. As of now we have Peter Pans, Aspiring Actors/Filmmakers, Cowboys/All-American Men, Techies/Engineers and Ex-Frat Guys/Sports Fans. Am I missing anything?

Boys, don't worry, I'm happy to make a map for you. What's out there? Is Plenty of fish full of potential one-night-stands? Do the girls on OK Cupid not leave enough to the imagination? Spill.

Divorce and Facebook? A picture could be worth more than you think!

2010-07-06T15:48:00.000-07:00

A few weeks a got a call from my girlfriend telling me she had a "blog worthy" story. Now, she's married with two kids so obviously the story wasn't hers! She told me about our friend who just had her heart broken. She had been dating a guy for 6 weeks. The sleepovers were becoming regular and they were getting comfortable in their honeymoon stage. On dates he would even bring up things like if she wanted kids and asked if she could see a future with him.

Her future looked so bright, she had to wear shades! She has found a great guy who really liked her and wanted the same things she did. That was until he went on vacation. He told her that he was going to the East Coast to visit his family. He was only gone a day, when she saw his FB page and that he was not with his family, but with some other chick on a romantic vacation in Puerto Rico.

They had never discussed being exclusive, but it was something she assumed. Either way, it was the lies that ended everything, not the "cheating."

So, here we are, back to Facebook. I saw this article this weekend and couldn't help but blog about it. AP has gotten into the dating world too! The article is titled "Divorce Lawyers: Facebook Tops in Online Evidence." You can read the full article here, but here are the highlights.

"Oversharing on social networks has led to an overabundance of evidence in divorce cases. The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers says 81 percent of its members have used or faced evidence plucked from Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other social networking sites, including YouTube and LinkedIn, over the last five years."

And some of the things Divorce Lawyers have encountered:

Husband goes on Match.com and declares his single, childless status while seeking primary custody of said nonexistent children.
Husband denies anger management issues but posts on Facebook in his "write something about yourself" section: "If you have the balls to get in my face, I'll kick your ass into submission."
Father seeks custody of the kids, claiming (among other things) that his ex-wife never attends the events of their young ones. Subpoenaed evidence from the gaming site World of Warcraft tracks her there with her boyfriend at the precise time she was supposed to be out with the children. Mom loves Facebook's Farmville, too, at all the wrong times.
Mom denies in court that she smokes marijuana but posts partying, pot-smoking photos of herself on Facebook.

The best part is that attorneys now actually offer tips to FB users in case of a divorce! Tips include:

What you say (or type!) can be held against you.
Beware of your Frenemies (You never know who will take who's side in a break-up).
A picture may be worth... Big Bucks!
Use your privacy settings!

Yes, I know I'm still dating, not in a relationship and therefore not headed towards Divorce Court like Heidi and Spencer anytime soon, but this article not only made me laugh, but made me think.

The Debate Continues! What message is your "body type" sending?

2010-06-29T11:25:00.000-07:00

This has been an ongoing debate for about 3 weeks now, so I figure you can all duke it out in the comments.

As many of you know, I recently joined OK Cupid. On their site they give you the following options for body types... Rather not say, thin, overweight, skinny, average, fit, athletic, jacked, a little extra, curvy, full figured and used up (WTF? Used up? Who the hell would actually put that?).

A little info about me... I'm 5'5, healthy, work out at least 3-4 times a week, am a size 6 and a 34D. This is where the debate begins... I believe I am "curvy" ala Jennifer Love Hewitt, but it seems that curvy means something totally different in the online dating world. But, I do have curves that are real and not doctor altered.

As soon as I changed my body type from curvy to fit the emails and winks came flooding in. Was this putting me with more matches? Am I really fit or should I just be average?

The emails I received were hilarious... One read "Didn't your profile say curvy? You're PHAT, not FAT."

So... what category should I be in? Which will give you the most matches? What are guys looking for and does Average cut it in the online dating world? I need answers people... it might be time to change my body type again!

Will The Real Slim Shady Please Sit Down: Date 2

2010-06-24T09:35:00.000-07:00

Since Date 1 sucked so much, I was ready and excited for Date 2. The guy looked cute in his pics and had so far done everything right... he was coming to me, had set the time and place and confirmed that morning via email. Yay! A planner!

Lets call him Kyle... because he looked a lot like the character Kyle from the movie Road Trip! Again, NOTHING LIKE HIS PICS!!! In his pics he was scruffy, a little nerdy, but cute. In person he was SUPER skinny and gawky. I wasn't remotely interested in him physically.

We met for a drink at a local restaurant. As you can imagine, I was a little shocked when I walked up and saw Kyle standing there waiting for me. Hmmm... This can't be the guy that I have been chatting with!?

We grabbed a seat at the bar as I surveyed the restaurant... hot guys everywhere. I was in a Target Rich Environment with KYLE. Boo.

The waitress came over and I ordered a glass of wine. Kyle ordered Iced Tea. No!! Not Again! Apparently he had a big day tomorrow and said that if he had one drink he wouldn't get anything done.

As I sipped on my wine, Kyle and I chatted. He, too, wanted to know if he was what I was expecting. I responded with "for the most part!" but, I think he could tell I was still a little shocked. Like my discussion with Cameron, Kyle and I didn't seem to have much in common. On paper, we were a match, but in person he was brash and overly opinionated for a first date.

About a hour into to the date, I asked Kyle if he was hungry and if he wanted to share something from the Happy Hour menu. He told me that he had had a late lunch and wasn't hungry. GREAT.

About 20 mins later, after we had debated the importance of people becoming teachers in the U.S. (don't ask), I asked for the check (it was all of $8, that he paid for - thank you!!), and we headed out. I told him that I was starving and was going to head over to Whole Foods, which was across the way, to grab dinner.

Kyle thought that was a great idea and walked me there. Yes, he didn't want to eat anything at dinner, but had no problem walking me to a grocery store so I could get my own.

Fun times. I'm taking a break for the rest of the week from online dates, but hope the near future has something better to offer.

Will The Real Slim Shady Please Sit Down? Date 1

2010-06-24T09:04:00.000-07:00

I was proud of myself this week. By Monday, I had scheduled not one, but TWO dates. One was from eharmony and the other from OK Cupid. (BTW, I still believe Cupid need archery lessons stat. His aim blows!)

These dates had a few things in common...

1. Neither of them looked anything like their photos in person

2. Both dates lasted in the 90 minute range

3. I didn't have chemistry with either of them

But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Date 1: We'll call him Cameron as he looked a LOT like Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. In his picture he looked like a cute guy next door (it was a black and white, side view profile pic. I know, I should have known better!). I am NOT attracted to Cameron. At. All.

Cameron and I met for Happy Hour in Santa Monica. Santa Monica is about 30 mins from me and 2 mins from him.

Tip 1: Guys - come to the girls! Why should we have to come to you? We can drink more the closer we are to our own homes.

The minute I arrived Cameron couldn't stop telling me how pretty I was in person. I now think this is because we are on different dating levels.

Tip 2: Date in your dating level. Don't aim for the stars! Date someone who is your physical equal! Unless you have a lot of money or are famous and then all bets are off - especially in LA.

The minute Cameron and I sat down the conversation went like this...

Cameron: So, am I what you expected?

Me: Um, yeah, I guess. But, you definitely don't look like the original pic that is on your profile.

Cameron: Yeah. I've heard that from a few people. It's about 10 years old and from a friend's wedding.

Me: Hmmm... you might want to change that! *smiles*

Tip 3: All pictures on your profile should be taken within the last 2 years.

Cameron and I chatted, had a beer, ordered some sushi and continued to chat about our differences. I love sports. He does not. I love culture, art and musicals. He could do without. Then we started talking about our experiences in online dating. He jumped at the chance to tell me that he had another date set up for this week. Was he trying to make me jealous? My response was... "yay! Good for you! You need to see what is out there!"

94 mins later we were saying our thank you's and I was heading towards my car.

45 mins later I received an email on my iPhone from Cameron.

"You can tell right away if there's chemistry. So, what did you senses tell you? Be honest."

OMG. Seriously? If you have to send an email asking if we have chemistry it's obviously not there!

I responded:

"Hmmmm... That is kind of an awkward question! I think you're a really nice guy, but I have to admit I definitely didn't feel any chemistry and we don't have much in common. But, I really enjoyed meeting you and chatting. I have to say that you might want to update your profile a bit with a little more info about who you are. Then maybe you'll find the perfect match! What were you thinking? Please feel free to be honest back!"

Cameron:

"Yeah. I could tell we didn't have a connection. Too bad. I guess I'll go back to the well."

And now onto Date 2...

It's Me! Yes, my life is a PERIL OF THE WEEK!

2010-06-18T15:45:00.001-07:00

Check it out here.

After years of being on and off her favorite online dating site, a young attractive woman finally found a keeper. At least that what she thought. She named her new beau, “Tech Guy.”

The two had been dating for about four months. They enjoyed romantic dinners, wonderful day-outings and Friday movie nights on the couch. They were a true couple and things were going well.

Like many couples, they were definitely moving from the honeymoon stage into a real relationship. Tech Guy loved soccer and decided to take his date to one of the season’s big games.

When the two got to the game, they cuddled up under a blanket and cheered Tech Guy’s team on… until halftime. At the break, she wanted a snack and some hot chocolate, so she and Tech Guy headed towards the concession stand. The line was long, and her guy was getting antsy. After 15 minutes the line was moving, but very slowly. Her beau started to turn red with frustration. Finally a few minutes later, when they were only one person away from ordering. It went something like this…

Guy in line getting out his wallet to pay: “Oh no. We need one more hot chocolate and some nachos.”
Tech Guy: “Seriously? You just ordered and couldn’t remember that? Get the f&!% out of the way.”
Guy in line: “What?”
Tech Guy: “You had 20 minutes to figure out what you wanted to order and are now taking way too much time. Hurry up!”
Guy in line: “Dude, chill out.”

Tech Guy now went INSANE. His date had to step in to avoid a full blown fight and never got her hot chocolate. The two got thrown out of the game. As you can imagine, the relationship didn’t work out. It was a good date, gone bad. Concession stands and soccer fans are not high on her list for future online dates.

The Peril of the Week was contributed by My Life on Match and More

Thoughts!

Ok Cupid... Really? Lets have better aim...

2010-06-15T09:49:00.001-07:00

Dear Cupid,

Did you really shoot these people with arrows? Maybe the arrows you shot me with didn't have the love dust on them? Maybe I'm immune? Lets try to have better aim next time. Ok?

Thanks!

Emily

These are just two of the many RANDOM emails I got on Ok Cupid this weekend. Had to share...

Email 1:

OK, so hopefully you haven't erased this and are still reading. Truth be told, I wouldn't be surprised if you did, based on geography alone. Both you and I did put down "near me" as one of the main things to look for, right next to straight and single.

BUT, it's not every day that I find a 97% match with a fairly large sample size. So, like you said in your profile, you just gotta put yourself out there. You never know unless you try, you miss 100% of all shots you don't take, and all those other cliches are kinda applicable. I'd be remiss if I didn't make an overture.

So I have to ask:
1) DVR or TiVo?
2) Ever been to Nashville? It's basically LA/Hollywood for country singers. Every bar has live music, every night. Every waitress and waiter are aspiring music stars. It's pretty cool, and I'm not all that into country but was very much inspired by the vibe.

OK, that was random enough. Thanks for taking a break to read this far, and hope you're still interested, or at the very least mildly intrigued. Best of luck for whatever and whomever it is you're looking for, look forward to hearing from you soon!

This guy has no confidence! Not sexy. And... he's from a city almost all the way across the country. What part of within 25 miles didn't he understand? I think that there are places in Los Angeles county that count as a "long distance" or "geographically undesirable" relationship.

Email 2:

So Beautiful, I rate you 5 plus

I found you on OKC today and surprise me... how beautiful you are. just awesome... So, I decide to drop few word, when I read your profile and saw photos.
You don't have to tell others, we met somewhere else. met online is fine by me.
I love bottle of wine and add some cheese to enhance, while watching movies.
I love cooking at home or look for great food all over the places, even if I have to take trip to get it. I think I am confident, generous to anyone I do care. more like old fashion in some way.
I hope to hear back from you.

huh?

The search continues!

I'm EMBRACING technology

2010-06-11T09:57:00.000-07:00

I now have a Facebook fan page... it'll be FUN TIMES. Feel free to discuss your shittay dates, your online woes and the pictures that don't look like anything you met in the bar last night. I'll be there with you.

Join me here! www.tiny.cc/MLOMFB

Are "pseudo plans" the new way to stand someone up?

2010-06-10T20:33:00.000-07:00

Today was an interesting day... I got in a bitch fight with technology. I tried to switch the domain name from blogspot to www.mylifeonmatchandmore.com (it's now working! waddup!?) and in a flash all of the comments from two years of blogging disappeared. This was all happening as I was waiting, not patiently, for an email to come through about my date tonight.

I have been chatting with a guy on eharmony for a while (yes, again, I made it through the "communication stages" and felt like Atreyu finally making it to the Oracle in The Never Ending Story) and we had been emailing back and forth. He had emailed on Monday. He told me that he had gotten sick over the weekend, but was doing his best to be better by Thursday when we were supposed to "get together." As I do with most emails, I responded later that day saying, "Yes, Thursday still works. What's the plan?"

RADIO SILENCE.

Seriously? So, I woke up this morning wondering... "Do I have a date tonight?"

This got me thinking... are pseudo plans just another nice (but, not so nice) way to blow someone off? It makes a girl get her hopes up (along with her nails done) and then NOTHING. So, thinking I had nothing to lose, I emailed this am... "Hey there, I never heard back from you. What's the plan Stan?" (No, Stan is not his name, but we can call him that if you like.)

At 4pm (that's right people... 4!!!) Stan emailed an apology and asked if maybe we could get together sometime this weekend because he still wasn't feeling great. Oh, and PS. sorry to have dropped the email ball.

Again, I really feel like I have nothing to lose. What's the worst that's going to happen (besides getting cut up in little pieces and left in the woods by a crazed online dater!?)? I figure the worst is that I'll be uninterested and have to buy my own wine again. I'm 30... been there, done that.

So, the email game is back on. But, my question remains... Are the pseudo plans just a new way to "stand up" someone or are people just really that busy that they can't commit to something in advance? I hate that I'm a planner (my legs don't shave themselves!), but hope someday someone will love me for it.

I Don't Drink - Take 2. Introducing... Cheap Water Guy!

2010-06-08T15:00:00.000-07:00

Because I didn't learn my lesson the first time!

After the arduous task of going through the eharmony communication steps, I finally met one of my matches (we'll call him Water Guy) in person. We planned on meeting for drinks at a local restaurant. A few minutes before leaving, I checked his profile one last time for info... It was starring me in the face... I DON'T DRINK. Huh? Why did he agree to drinks?

I texted him immediately asking if he wanted to switch to something without alcohol... Starbucks? Maybe Pinkberry? Water Guy kindly declined and said he was on his way. A few minutes before we were supposed to meet Water Guy called... He was lost. Literally, he was around the corner and couldn't find the restaurant. Dr. Google? Calling for a consultation on the smart phone? You there? The date was definitely off to an interesting start!

Finally Water Guy arrived and we were met by the waitress. I ordered a glass of wine (he might not drink, but you know I do!) and he ordered WATER. Not bottled water, the water that they offer you when you sit down.

An hour later, after he had pitched me how great he and his family are the conversation was winding down and Water Guy was still drinking water (his glass had been refilled several times). This got me thinking... If I hadn't ordered wine we would have been kicked out of the bar, no? The bill came and Water Guy completely ignored it. I gave him one more try to redeem himself, but after 5 minutes I gave up. I paid for my wine, said thank you for the evening and left.

The whole way home I couldn't help thinking... 1. Aaron Karo would be ashamed of you and 2. I hope Water Guy has to pee the whole way home.

"I'm fantastic in bed" Marketing 101

2010-06-07T12:59:00.000-07:00

I got this email today and had to post (I have no idea who to accredit it to!). In my "offline" life I work in marketing and think this is the perfect marriage of my two crazy worlds.

You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's direct marketing…

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's advertising…

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you phone him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's telemarketing…

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink and say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's public relations…

You're at a party. A handsome guy walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's brand recognition…

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend. That's a sales rep…

Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's tech support…

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all those houses your passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout out at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's junk mail…

Ha!

Dating with Technology - The ONLINE Relationship

2010-06-04T12:54:00.000-07:00

This week I got an email from a girlfriend asking me what her ex-boyfriend was up to on Facebook. Seriously. They had done the Facebook "In a Relationship with XX" and now are experiencing the awkward aftermath of their exes being friends with their friends. Quite the Facebook pickle.

Technology is great. Thank God for small cells (although I did rock the Zach Morris cell back in the day and thought I was BAD ASS), pocket-size computers (yay, iPhone!) and texting, but sometimes it would be nice to get a sincere hand-written letter. Yes, I know I'm dreaming - shut up.

Without technology there would be no match.com, eharmony, Ok Cupid, Plenty of Fish, etc. but then I would also have to dress up and go out every night to meet someone! But, this is where things get tricky. You start with the wink, wink. You move onto the email. Exchange of phone numbers. BBMing and texting and THEN meet for a date.

Once you're finally dating you have the option to become Facebook friends. Girls... this is where I say... back away! Just don't do it. Do you need to be Facebook friends? I think this just opens up an opportunity for crazy online stalking. I.e. When his status reads "Out with friends" doesn't your heart skip a little beat wondering why you weren't invited and are there girls in this group of so-called "friends?"

Then... you have the infamous status change from "single" to "in a relationship." Unless you are sure this is the one, I reco leaving that status blank. Who wants to have to change it back and announce that you have broken up with your boyfriend OVER THE INTERNET? Really isn't a broken heart enough?

My non-boyfriend/online 30-something-year-old-man-friend (Aaron Karo!) wrote this in his latest book I'm Having More Fun Than You...

"The great irony is that these days we're so connected it's easier to end an offline relationship than it is to end an online one. We can break up, but we can't log off."

WORD. I'm glad to see we're on the same page.

Now, don't get me wrong, once I have his real email address I online and Facebook stalk until I know I won't end up dead on the side of the road somewhere after our first date, but after my first online break-up I decided I wasn't going to torture myself anymore and am just not Facebook friends with people I date.

The whole him being friends with your friends thing, is entirely another problem. Sometimes a little background knowledge is good, but your friends should know you well enough to tell you what you need to know like "I just saw on XX's wall that he moved to Guam so you can't run into him anymore, yay!" vs. "I just saw on XX's wall that he is engaged and his fiance is pregnant" (boo. bad friend... not cool).

Technology is only going to keep changing and we need to adapt our dating lives and style to stay sane. My sanity right now remains in check by being statusless.

Peter Pan in Never Never Land, You're a Dick

2010-05-27T10:05:00.000-07:00

Living in LA, you're bound to meet one of the many "lost boys" we have here in Never Never Land. One word of advice, just don't call Mr. Pan "Peter" to his face.

So... last Friday night Elle Taylor (fellow blogger, singleton and dear friend!), was visiting from out of town. We cheers'd to LA beach sunset with a bottle of champagne and hit the town for a good dinner.

We walked into a great restaurant that I frequent often and it was packed. While Elle hung out by the front door putting our name in, I zipped over to the bar where I saw two open seats. There were full waters at the bar and a guy in his early 30s standing near them, but the seats were open. Said Peter Pan and his lost boy friend were talking up the younger girls at a nearby table. The convo went something like this...

"Excuse me. Are you guys using these seats?"

"Um, why?" says Peter.

"My girlfriend and I wanted to grab a quick dinner."

"Who's your girlfriend?" He asked like he knew her from somewhere.

"Right there, by the front door. The cute one." I say while pointing to Elle.

"Let me consult with my friend" says Peter.

WTF? Seriously??? My eye rolls back in my head as steam comes out of my ears.

"What? Seriously?" I ask.

"Yeah. I think we're going to keep these seats."

Oh, no he didn't!

"Thanks, dude." I say as snarkily as possible as I walk away.

Elle meets up with me at the bar and asks me what happened. I retell the story as we turn into bitchy, PMSy, psycho paths.

Two minutes later, I run into the owner of the restaurant (whom I know and love) and he hooks us up with a table stat. Unfortunately, this table is the table that the girls were sitting at that Peter and his lost boy were talking up.

As they get up and we go to sit down, Peter comes back at me for more.

"We're leaving, you can have those seats now if you want them." says Peter.

"Yeah. No Thanks. We got a table."

"Did I do something to piss you off?"

"Seriously? You're a dick." I've gotten started and now I can't stop.

"What? I said you can have the seats."

"Yes, after you told me I couldn't, two seconds after you checked out my friend. Dick move."

Annoying Girl from table interjects to Peter, "It's your birthday, lets get out of here."

"Can I at least buy you guys a drink or something?" says Peter

"No, thanks. Peter Pan. We don't want anything from you."

"You don't owe them anything. This was obviously a misunderstanding."

"Yeah. No, it wasn't. Your friend here told me we couldn't sit in the seats he wasn't using after he checked out my friend. Not cool."

(Sidebar: Elle is gorgeous!) Elle is now laughing and ready to get my back if I have to take out Annoying Girl.

"Lets get out of here" says Annoying Girl.

"Happy Birthday! You have a great rest your night." I say as I fist pump Peter in the chest. Yes, I realize if I was a guy, I would've just gotten decked.

"Do you realize that you would have just gotten your ass kicked?" says Elle. "You called him Peter Pan to his face and then fist pumped him in the chest while wishing him a Happy Birthday. Bwahahaha! Well, cheers to us!"

Oh, liquid courage. How you continually steer me the wrong way!

The Love Den - If You Make It, They Will Come

2010-05-25T14:54:00.001-07:00

I was just looking at my room and remember chatting with my friends a while back about making my room more of a "hospitable environment" for men. A Field of Dreams of sorts... "If I make it, they will come" (in more ways than one!) type place.

I learned this lesson long ago... no matter what your interior design taste may be, women cannot have bedding that is too feminine. Ladies, listen up... the shabby chic floral print needs to go.

Below are a few examples that yell... "Yes, I lost my virginity in college, but we were both drunk. I now have my own place, decorated how I like it, but haven't had sex in two years." You can't have anything too retirement home or too barely legal.

Here are few examples of bedding that I think create an "I'm a big girl, have great taste and want some lovin'" atmosphere... (think unisex! Yes, the word has SEX in it, hint, hint.)

If you need floral, try something modern and organic like these.

Don't take my word for it, but I have made my room "fuck friendly" and they have "come." Tee hee!

Plane Guy Update

2010-05-19T10:12:00.000-07:00

Went on the first "date" last night, only I guess it wasn't really a "date!" Oh... the joys of dating.

The convo went something like this after about 30 mins of chatting... I couldn't help myself, but because of our conversation, it was the elephant in the room.

Me: So, I have to ask, is this a work meeting or a social outing?

Him: Hmmm... I was wondering the same thing. Why don't we go with a "getting to know each other" drink.

Me: Ok. Hey, at least you can write this off!

Him: I didn't think about that, but I guess I can! Lets talk some work.

Me: Grrrreat.

Drinks, which turned into food too, lasted about 2 hours. We talked about everything from family to work, etc. He then asked if I wanted to go to his cousin's birthday party with a few miles away. (Does he normally take colleagues to family functions?) It was only 8:30pm so I went for it.

I followed him to the party (a girl should always have her own car!) and we went in. This "party" was 6 people sitting around, drinking Charles Shaw waiting for the birthday boy to arrive. So, I did what I do in those situations... I found my gays and made myself comfortable!

The birthday boy never arrived, but a few hours later, after talking politics, art, and religion with a bunch of strangers, we were off. He walked me to my car, kissed my cheek and said we should do this again sometime.

Now, I'm worried... Are we getting together to talk work or go on a date?

We'll see if there is anything to stay tuned for!

The mind of 30-something-year-old-man

2010-05-17T17:08:00.000-07:00

I know what it is like in the mind of a 30-year-old woman because I am one. But, with all the Peter Pans living in Los Angeles, I thought I should pick up a copy of Aaron Karo's new book and check out this species myself.

Do you remember Aaron Karo? He was the guy that wrote Ruminations when he was in college? Funny anecdotal quotes about life, love and beer? I thought he was hilarious then and now he is just a wealth of knowledge.

There is a lot of incredible info coming from this 30-year-old-man-mind, so I plan on putting up a few quotes from Aaron and any other men who have something to share (just email me at mylifeonmatch@gmail.com).

Ladies (and Peter Pans), to start off this new series, I wanted to share a quote from "I'm Having More Fun Than You" (Aaron's recent book, you can get it here)...

"When the check comes, there should be absolutely no debate: I'm paying. Ladies, any guy who doesn't pay for you is fucking worthless. Any guy who offers to split the check should hand in his man badge and have his testicles confiscated at the door: he's done. If we make it a few more dates, personally I appreciate when the girl does the fake, reaching-for-her-purse move. I'm still paying, but I respect the fact that she is playing along. A few more dates and yes, I will let the girl pay. But, only if she insists. I know I've been spending a shitload of money on her the past few weeks. I also know she's spent a shitload of money on clothes, makeup, waxing (fyi. a cheap brazilian starts around $50), manicures, and other crap I can't even consciously perceive, but all of which collectively made me want to go out with her in the first place."

I love it. Thoughts?

I'm an ...Ist. I know.

2010-05-06T19:56:00.000-07:00

When you're a little girl you dream of Prince Charming. Thanks to Disney, they are all tall, dark and handsome. So, can you really blame me (or any other women out there for that matter) for wanting something similar? I say, no.

But, now that I'm older and supposed to be more mature, I have come to the conclusion and finally admit that I am an "ist." I'm an agist, heightist, jobist, etc. You name it and I have the "ist" for it.

If I meet someone in a bar and they're under 28, I roll my eyes and think "you're too young to date!" On my online dating profile I have a line in there that says, "If you are young enough for me to have babysat or old enough to be my dad, I'm not interested." Do you know how many men over the age of 45 seriously think I would go out with them?

I'm also a heightist. Yes, a heightist. I LOVE men over 6'. I feel safe and small and feminine. I love being able to hug a man and have my head hit his chest. I actually have the talent of knowing how tall most men are by where I hit them when we hug (with heels on and off!). That being said, if you're under 5'11, I move on. This is a problem. I know this is a problem. Do you know how many HOT men there are under 5'8 let alone 6'? Just watch Vampire Diaries as many of them are on there.

I'm trying to get over my "ist's" and am working on dating people I normally wouldn't have in the past. I've been told that if you can find 6 out of 10 things that you really want in your mate you're in good shape. So, we'll see what happens!

When I end up with a 26-year-old, blond, 5'6, actor who I'm madly in love with I'll be able to myself "I told you so!"

What kind of "ist" are you?

The Mile High Dating Club!

2010-04-29T14:36:00.000-07:00

I had the best first date I've ever last week... and it was with a man I didn't know I was going to meet.

I was heading out of town on a business trip and was traveling solo. As I was getting settled in my window sit a guy put his stuff down next to mine. We exchanged smiles and then I went back to my iPhone. (The middle seat was left empty for the entire flight. Fate? What are you trying to tell me?) When the flight attendant told everyone to put away their phones for takeoff I took the lead...

"So, when are you going to make the change?" I said.

"What change?" said plane guy.

"From the blackberry to the iPhone? I just switched and it was the best decision I've made in a while. It's like having a computer with you all the time."

"Well, until the iPhone is available on Verizon, I'm stuck. I live in a black hole and get almost no cell service. Verizon is the only thing that works."

"Black hole? Me too!"

And we were off... we talked nonstop for the next 3 hours. Unlike "real" first dates I've been on, nothing was forced and we covered almost everything from politics to family. We even brought up age...

"So, when did you graduate from school?" asked plane guy.

"2001. No need to do that math, I'm, 30" I replied.

"Haha! I'm 40, but feel more like 35."

"I'm feel more like I'm 35 too. So, I guess we're the same age." I responded. To which he then gave me a high five. HIGH FIVE! How funny, but kinda cool is that?

Plane guy was from the city we were going to so he wrote down a few site seeing suggestions and then asked for my number. He then watched as he insisted I put his info in my cell. (Sidebar: Does this mean I'm expected to call seeing that I have his digits now too? Guys, us ladies prefer to put the ball in your court and see what you do with it!)

I exited the plane thinking this was better than most of the first dates I've ever been on. I didn't dress up (I was in jeans and a T-shirt), I was totally open and myself and was flirty with no effort. It made me think that maybe I should just sit back and let fate go crazy with my love life.

We texted a few times that week and then both returned home to sunny LA. A week went by and I heard nothing. So, as many of the singleton men on twitter reco'd, I took charge and texted him.

There is one thing I'm concerned about... I've made all of the first steps. Texting, chatting, etc. Is this a good thing or bad thing?

Hot drink date is set up for this week... all via text. We'll see what happens. Stay tuned!

Attack of the Techies and Engineers!

2010-04-29T09:49:00.000-07:00

In my online quest to find true love, I recently decided to expand my dating pool and try eharmony. Now, morally I have an issue with the fact that eharmony doesn't "match" people of the same sex looking for love (Prop 8 = hate!), but I needed to set that aside for purely selfish reasons and see if my 1 TRU LUV was just on another dating site.

I don't think I'm looking for anyone unrealistic. As I have gotten older, I've gotten a little less specific as to what I want in a mate. Yes, I still have a few purely aesthetic needs like my future baby's daddy being over 6', brown hair, light eyes, etc. (that way we'll make cute kids!). But, there are also some honest to God necessities such as having a job, being somewhere between 30-40, athletic, etc. that, I think, shouldn't be too hard to come by. Right?

So, I joined eharmony about 2 weeks ago. If eharmony was a bar I would have just walked into the Consumer Electronic Show. That's right girls, I have been attacked by IT guys and engineers. And... even online they still don't know how to talk to girls. Maybe that's why eharmony has the extremely SLOW process of sending questions and must have's and can't have's back and forth so these socially inept men don't have to talk for themselves.

In 2 weeks of being on eharmony, 70% of the men I have been matched with have been in the "tech" field. I guess this is better than actors, but really? Boy next door guys? Hello? Where are you? (I can tell you they don't live next door.)

I figured I can't be the only one this is happening to so I did a little research. eharmony's chat boards are hilarious! This is what I found... "I've noticed that the majority of the matches eH has sent me are engineers. I wonder if there are just a lot of engineers on eH in general or if it has something to do with my answers to eH's questionnaire? I've met some of them in real life, but the one's I've met have been shy or quiet. I'm curious if that's been the case with other women using eH? Are most of your matches engineers?"

This string of comments goes on for days with women saying that most of the men they are matched with are in are techie, engineer types who are shy and passive.

I've come to the conclusion that if I'm going to find love on eharmony (which a few of my friends have), these boys are going to have to man up. Send some emails and practice being outgoing. Only time will tell! (And it will take time... those of you on eharmony know how long it takes to finally talk to someone in person!)

I'm not giving up hope on eharmony... yet...

Excuse Me... "Sorry, my friend is locked out of her house!"

2010-04-08T15:09:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's because I just got my new iPhone that I have a small obsession with all of the apps it has to offer, but this one is just hilarious (especially if you're an online dater!).

You know how you have a first date with someone and you just don't know how it's going to go, so you call your girlfriend and tell her to call you at exactly 7pm (right in between drinks and dinner) so you can bail if you need to? The app Excuse Me is ideal for this situation. Set the timer and a fake call will come in to "excuse you" from your situation.

Now, in the free version the voice is annoying and not in English, but you still have an excuse that was on time and free (not complaining here!). In the paid version (still only $1.99) the app allows you to designate who the fake call is coming from, so you really can make your white lie look real when you tell your date that you need to bounce because your girlfriend got locked out of her house. (Other similar apps are Fake Caller or Fake-a-Call - they all get the job done when you're in a pinch.)

I do think that phones, technology, online dating and apps are making our world just too damn complicated, but we need to jump in head first, right?

What does "I don't drink" on Match, really mean?

2010-04-06T10:52:00.001-07:00

Yes, I went on another amazing date that is blog worthy. First a little info about me and my drinking habits that will help you truly appreciate this story. I started drinking when I was in high school. I wasn't out of control, but definitely knew how to pump a keg and had mastered fooling my parents by 16. I was also fortunate enough to have a friend who didn't drink and therefore had a sober driver throughout my high school years.

In college I was in a sorority and continued my partying ways at every date dash, formal and Thursday night possible. On my 21st birthday I had 19 shots (followed responsibly by water consumption) and didn't throw up (kids, don't try this at home). Yes, I have eased up since. I have a job and with age, my hangovers have gotten so bad I have curbed the binge drinking. Now, that I'm 30, I have 2 glasses of wine and know I can't drive. But, that doesn't mean I don't love my wine. (My brother-in-law is in the wine business, so family dinners and an amazing zin go hand-in-hand.)

With that said, I am open to dating someone that doesn't drink. Maybe they are super healthy? Maybe they just partied too much in their younger years and have had enough? Either way, it's not a deal breaker for me as long as they are okay with the fact that they will have to drive me home after social events and family functions. Hey, my sister's husband didn't really drink when he met her and now parties up it with our family like a pro.

Now you know... I like my wine.

So, I met AA (ironically, those really are his initials. Maybe I should have seen the signs then!) on match. He was cute, we had great IM conversations and decided to meet in person after a few emails and chats. I am now aware that there were a few things I ignored... by reading his profile you could tell he was part of a "program." (Again, I'm okay with that!) Also, his friends in his Facebook and profile pictures were all very "diverse." Not a problem either, but another sign?

We decided to meet for brunch and I made a reservation at a cute place down by the beach. I saw someone that resembled AA in front of the restaurant... and again, my date doesn't look like his picture at all. (WHEN WILL I LEARN!?) All I can say is that his profile pic was a REALLY GOOD PIC.

Off to brunch we went. The date was going really well until we played the "getting to know you" game. AA started talking about his rough teenage years when he used to huff paint. Yes, you read that correctly. HUFF PAINT. Definitely not first date chat, but now I was intrigued and wanted to know more.

AA, shocked at his own openness, continued to tell me about how he was featured on a documentary about overdosing on heroine and then went on to tell me about the several rehabs he's frequented. At this point, I'm thinking, maybe he's not getting a love connection either and just feels like he wants to share his story with someone? But, the real thing I keep thinking is... "can someone get me a cocktail? STAT."

AA and I finish up brunch, but his story isn't over. I want more. What happened after the rehab stints? AA, how are you doing now? I was a junkie to his tale...

We decided to take a walk and get a cookie at a cute little bakery next store. Cookie in hand, AA tells me about how he conquered his demons when he was dropped off on skid row and had to detox while learning to live clean from people on the streets. I wanted to hug him and tell him how proud I was of him, but the story continued...

As a girl who grew up in California in the age of STDs, I wanted to know if he was "healthy." I mean shooting up for 10 years can spread some serious stuff, no? It seemed like we had touched on everything else, so I just blurted it out and asked. He told me that he, in fact, infected with hepatitis. I felt like I was being punked. Ashton where are you? Come on... what kind of first date is this?

We parted ways with a hug, I thanked him for a great brunch and IMed a few more times later that week. This date was a life lesson on many levels... 1. If they don't drink, they are probably not for me. 2. Yes, you can reveal too much on a first date and 3. There are some amazing people out there and we just have to give them a chance. Ooooh, lets not forget 4. I like my wine.

Ah, the Post High School Background Check

2010-04-06T09:57:00.000-07:00

There is something comforting about your high school years and being able to do a quick background check on your prom date (who you have most likely known since elementary school anyways...). Now, that I'm in my 30s, meeting someone online makes the background check a little more difficult. I know that both my male and female friends all google and/or Facebook their dates as soon as they have a name and email address. Profile pictures say a lot about someone, no?

Well, this new app takes the background check to a new level. It's called Date Check... and you can literally check someone instantly. Kinda creepy, huh? With only a name, digits, or an email address Date Check scours public records from Facebook to homeowner filings to sex-offender databases to confirm your dream date isn't wanted in three states. Yes, he may say he is a hedge funder when really is an out of work actor, but you win some and lose some right?

Now... the kicker. This app is free, but the checks are pricey! For $40, Date Check performs one of several types of searches, like 'Sleaze Detector,' which searches for a criminal background, 'Net Worth' provides details about a person's assets including property, and 'Interests' scours social networking sites for personal details.

Sometimes, maybe it's not so bad to just go on a "blind date" and see if the chemistry is there! Feel free to comment away. Do you Google, Facebook or even Date Check??

"I Can Do Better Than You!"

2010-03-17T12:11:00.001-07:00

I read this on The Huffington Post yesterday and had to blog about it. This is insane! Much thanks to Catharine Smith for writing about this! It brings the online dating world to a yet another new dimension.

Next time you meet Mr. Right Now from Match and that little nagging voice in the back of your brain is telling he's just not your caliber of hotness, snap a pic with your iPhone and post it up on CanDoBetter.com. Here, people will help you decide if you can, indeed, do better.

The thing that I don't understand is that site is calling itself a dating sight. Social Networking, fine, but dating site? Um, no.

According to CNN Money, 'Single men and women can upload pictures of a possible dating partner and get recommendations from users about their possible suitor.'

Again, I'm a bit confused. While I have a tendency for dating hot, yet emotionally unavailable men, isn't beauty in the eye of the beholder? For example, when I was 6 I asked my mom how ugly people got married. (Yes, I was already quite bitchy and turning into a Lindsay Lohan Mean Girl before my parents very eyes!) Despite my rude question, my mom told me that everyone has different tastes in who they are going to marry and that I probably won't like the same guys as my sisters or friends. Shocker! My mom was right. I love my brother-in-laws, but would I walk up to either of them in a bar? Probably not.

The quote from the CEO of www.candobetter.com really cracks me up though... "We understand singles are searching for quality, not quantity, and CanDoBetter.com increases the odds of finding a suitable dating partner."

In LA's dating terms... people will always think you can do better with the hot, out of work actor who has no money, is in his early 30s, can't go out a night because he is bartending and lives with 5 other guys in Hollywood, but will shun the cute, nerdy yet creative advertising guy who can afford his own apt and a nice dinner out.

So, if you really care what others think of you when you're walking down the street, this site is for you. If you care about who you are getting naked with, then I would pass.

When Match.com "matches" You with an Ex

2010-03-05T15:58:00.000-08:00

I know sometimes you think I might be lying to you, but all of these things actually do happen to me!

The back-story: In my mid-twenties I was dating an amazing man. He was 33, creative, gorgeous, tall, smart, fun - the list goes on. But, now that I'm in my 30s, I realize that he was dating someone 6 years younger because he wasn't ready for the next step (which most women his age were!). So, on my birthday and 8 days before my sister's wedding (do you see the signs??) he decided that he didn't like the direction our relationship was heading (we had been dating a year) and broke up with me. (To answer your question, yes, I attended my sister's wedding alone with everyone asking where my cute boyfriend was!)

About a year later, I was back on Match and checking out what else was out there... Funny thing, my Ex-Boyfriend was what was out there. So, I held my head high (shed a tear or two, come on, I'm a girl!) and kept searching.

Two weeks later I got this email in my Match.com inbox... "Hi E. Hope you're doing well. So, Match says we're 97% compatible! How's it going for you?"

At this point, I literally jumped up from my office chair (when else are you online dating?) and ran to dish with the girls down the hall. Seriously, you dump me a week before my sister's wedding and on my BIRTHDAY and you send me THAT???

So, that night I put on my big girl pants, had a few glasses of wine and responded with... "Damn that 3%."

Match compatibility has to do with height, religion, drinking and hair (or lack there of). I think they might need a new scale (that is nothing like eHarmony's!) And the search continues!

Do I Look Like Craigslist?

2010-02-01T17:28:00.000-08:00

2010 has kicked off to a great start! Both Elle and I have been dating (and tweeting!) away, and have a lot of fun stories to share. But to kick of the new year, here is just one of the those "REALLY???" moments.

Last week I got an email to my Match.com inbox. Always excited when I see that light on my blackberry blink red, I read the email first thing in the morning. This is how I kicked off my day...

"I know this may sound weird, and I am little embarrassed to take this approach, but I am hopeful it will have two results. 1) Find some good friends in Los Angeles and 2) Find a nice place to live in Los Angeles by the Spring. I feel very fortunate in my life to be given all so many opportunities and successes. Two weeks ago I was promoted to a Sr. Vice President of a Fortune 500 company. The catch is that I own a home far away and have been commuting everyday. My new office is in LA. The drive isn't ideal, so I found a good friend to lease my home and I now am looking for a place to rent near my office. Because you live in Los Angeles, I am hopeful you might know some people looking for a roommate.

I am in my late 30s, fit, clean, easy going, active, outdoorsy. Like to hike, bike, run, ski... I don't surf, but I want to learn now that I am moving to LA. Did I say that I like to live in a clean home? If you might know someone looking for a roommate or a has a place for rent, please let me know. I also look forward to meeting you and hopeful we can be friends."

How does one even respond to this? "Check out westside rentals and craigslist?" If he's in his late 30s, he should know how to find a new apartment right?

And the dating game called my life continues!

Is 30 the new 50?

2009-12-30T09:56:00.000-08:00

This is what is currently winking at me...

This is what I would prefer to be winking at me!

As many of you know, I recently turned 30. I love being 30. My twenties kinda blew. Lots of man drama and no wedding ring, so I entered my thirties with a "This is my decade!" attitude. Unfortunately, the men on match.com do not feel the same way. So, I ask you... is match only for women in their twenties?

I think a study should be done on online dating in your twenties and thirties. I got to experience firsthand what happens from the last week you are 29 to the first week you are 30. Cute guys in their thirties no longer even list you as something they are looking for. Most 35-year-old men are looking for girls between 25 and 29. Damn, I used to be one of them! Now, I fall into a new category... The men between 45 and 65 who are looking for a younger piece of ass.

Have you seen It's Complicated yet? I am not interested in the Lake Bell role who has to sleep with Alec Baldwin. I don't care how much money is at stake. Ewww...

So, the rules of online dating are changing for me. I no longer can sit around hoping to get emails and winks from people I'm actually attracted to. Now, I have to WORK at it. Yes, I spend a good 30 minutes a day now crafting emails, winking away and trying to talk men my age into thinking I'm not that much older than I was a few months ago. Hello? I still get carded!

I'm back on Match (Elle is too!) and am positive I'll have some great stories for 2010. The winking grandpas will no doubt be a post soon!

UPDATE! Blackberry Messenger is NOT an OK form of communication

2009-10-26T17:26:00.000-07:00

UPDATE from Tall Guy. 6 weeks passed. I'm beyond OVER IT. But, apparently Tall Guy is not. So, during a relaxing night of Gossip Girl and trying to find the real-life Ted from How I Met Your Mother, I get a message via Facebook. "Friend Request: Tall Guy"

Seriously? You can't talk to me over the phone, but you want to be Facebook friends? Um, no. So, I ignore. A fews days later the texting begins...

Tall Guy: Do u not want to be my facebook friend :( ?

Me: Nope. Look? You have my number. You can always CALL and ask me out. (yes, I know I'm being kinda lame here, but honestly. This is getting to be ridiculous.)

Tall Guy: I want to see you again.

Me: Then, pick up the phone, call me, and ask me out. I'm around next week.

Tall Guy: Ok! :)

Yes, smiley face turned around in that convo! Go me!

A WEEK later... now, I'm just effing with him. I'm not desperate and don't need to go out with someone who obviously isn't into me. This is beyond annoying. When someone likes you they call. I'm not 15 anymore and I have a cell. It's not like he has to worry about my dad answering.

Me: Shocker, you didn't call.

Tall Guy (seconds later): Here's the deal: I'm attracted to u - and want to see u again. So, I will call u. Right now I'm at the gym. But if u will give me another chance...

Me: One more chance, don't eff it up.

Update: It's been another 2 weeks. No call. Ah, the life of dating. Girls, I know you're jealous.

You Are In For A Treat! Ah, Duck Boy. (Elle Taylor)

2009-10-22T14:36:00.000-07:00

After years of friends and family suggesting that I try online dating, I finally relented. I decided to try eHarmony because I thought that it was a more "serious" online dating website. I'll admit I was drawn to the promised matching on 29 dimensions of compatibility. I figured I'd give it a try. What did I have to lose?!? Over an hour later, I had filled out the exhaustive personality profile questionnaire and was ready to rock and roll. I had tons of fun building out my profile, posting photos, and selecting my Must Have, Can't Stands. Let's get started! My first matches were average, at best. After a few days I came across a cute guy who was a little old for me (38 is the top of my age range) but seemed well-rounded and funny. We hit it off right away and pretty soon we were exchanging emails regularly. We decided to meet up at a sports bar to catch the Niner game and get to know each other over a couple of beers.

I was excited but a little nervous. Online dating can be awkward -- like blind dates, you just don't know what to expect.

Let's call him DB, as in, Duck Boy. DB and I met up at the sports bar only to find that it was jam packed. Everyone and their mother was out to watch the game! Major wrench in the gears. So there we were, standing outside the bar awkardly trying to come up with Plan B. I threw out the idea of an Irish pub a few streets over that most likely would be playing the game. He nodded, then said, "why don't we go to this little French Bistro instead?" I did my best to mask my confusion. The "French Bistro" he mentioned, is a high end restaurant, specializing in French wines. How did we go from beers at a sports bar while watching the game, to a high end French restaurant? Did I miss something? "Umm, sure that sounds good." And off we went.

We were the only two people in the restaurant besides the bartender and as I expected they didn't have TV's broadcasting the game. To add insult to injury, we both ordered beer on tap -- remind me again why we're here? We got to talking and right away I felt like I was being interviewed. He was peppering me with questions like: What is the best quality you have to offer in a relationship? If you could make one change today that would drastically improve your quality of life, what would it be? Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Do you want kids?

Whoa.... he needed to slow it down. Significantly.

It wasn't a conversation that flowed naturally. It felt formal, serious, and too structured for my taste. After we finished our first beer, he asked if I was hungry. We agreed to share an appetizer and I excused myself to go to the ladies room while he perused the menu. Upon my return, he informed me that he took the liberty of ordering something for us. I was a little annoyed that he ordered something without asking what I liked, but figured that he probably ordered something benign. About 10 minutes later the bartender walks up to our table holding a wood cutting board. I immediately thought, mmmmm cheese, a natural assumption considering it's a wine bar/restaurant. (I love cheese) However, I thought it was a little weird because cheese and crackers don't typically pair well with beer. Little did I know! As the waiter approached our table he said, "Allow me to present, the duck board." Come again? Duck board? What if I was a vegetarian? What if I didn't like duck? I completely zoned out as the waiter described the 5 different kinds of duck arranged beautifully around the board.

What was a girl to do? I take pride in my openness to try new things so I decided to make the best of it.

I raised my glass and said "Well, here's to my first duck experience!" He looked at me as if I was from Mars and replied "You've never had duck? Oh it's fabulous, you're in for a treat." -- it was as if I had just told him that I've never had chicken. I said "No, I haven't, but there's a first time for everything." To be a good sport, I tried the duck meatloaf, sausage, and bacon. I decided against the pate and confit. To be fair, the duck meatloaf wasn't that bad but in general, duck is not something I ever plan on ordering for myself.

My head was spinning with questions. Why here? Why did he order a duck board? Was he trying to test me? Was he desperately trying to impress me by showing me that he was worldly and appreciated 'the finer things in life?' If so, it wasn't working. He was too intense for my taste and was definitely giving off the "I'm ready to settle down" vibe. I thanked him for the date and we parted ways. He said he'd love to do this again soon, I smiled and waved goodbye with no intention of getting together for Date #2.

Overall it was an ok date, despite the unexpected foray into the duck realm and pointed questions about the quality of my life or where I see myself in 10 years. 10 years? I don't even know where I might be next year! Stay tuned...

Introducing... Elle Taylor, fellow online dater

2009-10-22T14:03:00.001-07:00

Exciting news! I've brought on a co-pilot! Elle is also a serial online dater. Having experienced eHarmony, Match.com and more, she has too many stories to not be blogging. So, please welcome her to mix. She is 30, lives in Northern California and is still looking for Mr. Right (although has some great stories with Mr. Right Now.)

Farts and Relationships

2009-10-01T15:00:00.000-07:00

From the movie Love and Other Disasters. Not the best movie, but this clip tells it like it is. "Relationships are best measured by farting."

"I Just Don't Feel Connected to You" says, Limp Dick

2009-09-30T14:19:00.000-07:00

By far, one of my favorite Match.com stories ever! And yes, this is ALL TRUE!

About a year ago, I met an amazing guy on Match. He was cute, funny, had a good job, met my minimal requirements, etc. Lets call him "Dick," as in Limp Dick.

Dick and I had our first date at a local dive bar. It was empty when we arrived. We chatted for an hour over Stellas and hit it off. Within the next 12 hours Dick texted me that he had a great time and wanted to hang out again.

Before I knew it, we were BBMing all day and were chatting constantly. Dick also had a twisted, but funny, sense of humor and would send me ecards saying things like, "You're someone I could really see myself sleeping with sober." I was thrilled that he felt like he could be himself around me.

Date two was sushi (he paid!) and a little make out session. We had great chemistry! Yay!

Date three, in week three of us knowing each other, was very relationshipy. He asked me to go to a friend's play with him. I met him at his house and from there we went to dinner and then to the play. Afterwards we hung out with his friends at a local bar. Back to his house for another PG makeout session and then I headed home. Again, great chemistry. He was a very passionate kisser, pulled hair, bossed me around. It felt great to be girly.

Then came date four. By date four I was wondering why Dick hadn't tried any major moves on me yet. Did he not want to sleep with me or was he being that nice guy who wanted to wait? Ah, being a woman dating is tough. If someone doesn't want to sleep with us immediately we either think they are gay or don't like us. But, if they jump us, we think they are just trying to get us into bed. I get that we can be confusing!

Date four was right before Valentine's Day. We had only been hanging out for a few weeks so I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I thought I would keep it low key and made him dinner at my place. It was a "school" night, so he came over after work around 6. We ate dinner and then he said he had to get home to pack, do laundry as he was leaving for the weekend. Bummed and confused again, I walked him to his car and said goodbye. Before he left he gave me a Valentine's Day card and candy. Super sweet card, nice guy, with a funny edge, I thought that this relationship definitely had potential.

Then, came date five. Ah, Date five. A date that will go down in history as one of the weirdest dates in my entire life. We started off the night at a great little italian bistro. There we shared a bottle of wine and caught up on the week. He told me that he was getting off Match and thought that maybe we could be exclusive. OMG. I was thrilled!!

After dinner, with stars in my eyes, we headed back to my place. On the way in he stopped by his car and grabbed a backpack. When I asked him what was in it, he said, "clothes and stuff for tomorrow. I was thinking we could get naked tonight."

WOO HOO finally on the right page!

We headed to the house and into my room. Within a few minutes we were fooling around and clothes were flying. Unfortunately, something else was not even at half mast. So, I went downtown to assess the situation... was it all the wine we had? Hmmm...

After 90 seconds down there with nothing happening I looked back up at him. He had the look... Ah, uh, uh, huhuhuhuhu... and he came. Soft. After a 90 second BJ, Limp Dick came.

Shocked, I didn't know what to say. Has anyone else EVER heard or seen that happen? My response, "Wow, I must be good!"

I headed off to the bathroom to clean up and take a moment after what just transpired. WHAT. THE. HELL. JUST. HAPPENED???

I got back to my room, and Dick was sleeping. Well, I'm glad he's resting comfortably! I proceeded to watch a movie and rerun what had happened over and over in my mind.

So, at 6am the next morning, still shocked and unsatisfied, I tried for round two. Eff this, I am getting something out of this!

I pounced on him like a lion on her prey. Still, NOTHING. It was semi-soft, but was still not something a girl could work with. And then while naked and trying my best to make the most of the morning, this came out of his mouth... "I just don't feel connected to you."

I literally started laughing. "You don't feel connected to me? You looked pretty connected to me last night when you came after the 90 second blow job." Yes, I know I'm mean, but I was pissed. He was blaming this on me??

Dick: "I think I'm gonna go." He packed up his back pack and sent an "I'm sorry. I wish I was more into you" text.

I went back to sleep for a few hours and then called EVERYONE I knew asking if this is normal and if they have ever heard of being able to come while soft. I even Googled it. It remains a mystery, but at least I'm confident in my SKILLZ.

He was back on Match.com the next morning and we were still a 100% match.

The Drive That Was Longer Than The Date

2009-09-22T11:48:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you need to put yourself out there and see what happens. Well, I did that and it ended up costing me 3 hours in the car that I will never get back.

Back in March I thought I would expand my Match search to include Orange County. For those of you who don't live in LA, Orange County is not too far in miles, but is far when it comes to traffic. 20 miles = 45 minutes. However, there are some VERY cute men in Orange County and if it means I'm going to fall in love, what's a little time in the car?

I started emailing with OC guy in February. After a few weeks of emailing, we decided it was time to bite the bullet and meet in person. I should have thought twice when he recommended that I come to him, but you live and learn!

We decided to meet at an OC sports bar and watch some college basketball games around 7pm. He lived 10 minutes from there... I know I'm dumb, please don't point it out! I left my house in LA around 5. Seriously, 5pm. I gave myself 2 hours to get there. I figured if I got there early I could always do some shopping before we were supposed to meet.

At least I know LA well! It took me exactly 2 hours to get there! By the time I arrived, my ass was asleep and my make-up looked like it had been on my face all day. Stressed and annoyed, I cleaned myself up and headed into the bar.

Hmmm... I looked everywhere and wasn't seeing the person I had been emailing. So, I took out my phone and texted OC guy to see where he was. Yup, he was in the bar and I just wasn't recognizing him. MAYBE, because he didn't look anything like his photo. Well, I'm sure he looked like that when the picture was taken, but that had to have been a good 8-10 years ago. Now he had less hair, a few more pounds and an "interesting" sense of style.

I'm there and do not want to get back in the car, so we sit down at the bar for a drink. I order a beer and OC guy orders a beer and dinner. Wait? Dinner? Again? At this point it is 7:15. I'm hungry, kinda pissy from the drive and my slight disappointment from the person sitting next to me, so I order something to eat.

THANK GOD FOR MARCH MADNESS or I wouldn't have lasted another 10 minutes. We eat, chat a bit and even after lots of emails realize that we don't really have much in common let alone any chemistry in person. Now, for those who know me, know I can talk to a wall if it will listen, so it's very rare to be in a position where I have nothing to say. In this case, I had almost nothing to say and turned my attention to the many TV screens of amazing basketball games. I love March Madness - Cinderella stories, last minute buzzer shots, college guys with amazing arms, etc. I digress...

As the game we were watching came to an end, I looked down at my watch. WHAT? How can it only be 8pm? What am I going to say to his guy? So, I did what any girl would do, I went to the bathroom to devise a plan. I called a girlfriend asked for advice. I even texted an x-boyfriend who lives in the OC to come rescue me, (un)fortunately he wasn't home and couldn't help me out. I finally made my decision - He only lived 10 minutes away, just call it a night.

So, that's what I did. By the time I had gotten back to the bar he had paid for dinner and asked it I wanted another drink. Since I had to drive all the way back to LA, it was the perfect out. No more drinks and we're in a bar - lets call it a night! So, at 8:15pm I climbed back into my car and headed back to LA. It only took me 50 minutes to get home and I got to tell 3 different girlfriends about my night. Ah, the drive that was longer than the date.

I'm still interested in dating OC guys, but they either have to meet me halfway or come to LA.

Girlfriends Should Be Hotter (Than You!)

2009-09-17T16:59:00.001-07:00

NOTE: I have been a girlfriend before, thank you VERY much.

This one still shocks me. In my hours of match profile surfing, I came across a really cute guy. Tall, dark and handsome, early 30s, and lived within 20 miles of me (yes, any specific standards I once had - funny, nice, has a job, likes his family, etc. - have all gone to shit now that I'm of child rearing age. Don't judge me).

According to his profile he has just moved to LA. "Perfect!" I thought. "I will be his guide!"

We emailed a bit via our match inboxes and then exchanged personal email addresses. This is when it gets good - the Facebook, Google and MySpace stalking can begin! You can tell a lot about someone by their "real" profiles. These profiles are generally much more honest than their match.com profiles, so you get a better understanding of what kind of person you might be meeting. After one Google search of his personal email address, the nickname, Aspiring Model Man, was born.

Aspiring Model Man, was just that. Another guy from out of town who moved to LA to become a star. According to his profiles, he was in his mid 30s, had left a job he hated, an education he never finished, and everything he loved somewhere on the east coast, to fulfill his dream of making it big in Hollywood.

Now, having lived in Los Angeles most of my life, I have come across several wanna be actors, models and more. Go to any bar, restaurant or "invitation only" party in LA and they are the hot ones serving you your drink, passing appetizers or turning people away at the door. Unfortunately, it's just not something I'm interested in dating. I'm 30. I have a job. I know what I want to do with my life and I'm looking for someone to share it with me.

So, in an effort to not hurt his feelings, I pulled the "radio silence" card. Meaning, I pretty much just stopped answering his emails. I just wasn't interested. A few weeks later, I got an email from him.

"r u evvvvvvvvvvvvvvvver going to ask me out?" (I'm not kidding. That's exactly what it said!)

A few hours later I responded... "Here's the thing... I actually like it when men ask ME out. Also, I know you said you were in sales, but after a little online search saw that you're trying to be a model! I think that is awesome, but after being in LA and knowing a ton of people in the industry, I'm really looking for someone who is outside of that field. Ya know? I hope you don't think I'm a huge bitch, but I'm really hoping to find a real relationship and am looking for someone who truly is my match. Good luck with everything!"

Within two minutes, I got this response back, "yikes. i wanted a date because i really dont have many friends. if i wanted a girlfriend she would be way hotter than you."

At least I got a good laugh out of it. It is called MATCH.com, right?

I'm going out tonight and heading to a wedding tomorrow. Hopefully I'll get some good stories our of it, or better yet, a match!

The Online Dating Inbox!

2009-09-14T16:10:00.000-07:00

One of the things I love about online dating are some of the very brave emails you receive. While I'm much more inclined to wink away, I give major props to the guys who send an email to say hello. I have, however, received some emails interesting emails over the years as well.

One guy sent me an email telling me what a bitch I was for only looking for a Caucasian "match." As you know on Match.com you are looking for your "match." I kinda like geeky, athletic, white guys. Don't get me wrong, I find men of many ethnicities hot, but I have decided that someone who is a mix of Ted, Barney and Marshall (How I Met Your Mother on CBS!) to be perfect for me.

As you know, online, the email is your first impression. So, the introductory email can be a bit scary!

Here's one that I received recently.

"Hello!

I hope you are fine and doing well, I look at your profile and really sound interested you look so pure I mean your look show that you have pure soul with lots of attractive in your appearance. If you are interested to know each other I would be so lucky really. I am new here in the area and would like to start new valuable serious strong friendship and let's see what can be there further..... whatever it was the kind of relation we may start it I hope it never be out the respectable and valuable relation which may create a very strong great relation or if no way at least let a wonderful memory stay till forever each one feel he/she add something useful to the other one. All I hope whatever it was even if it did not go further than this email I hope I let at least a nice trace."

huh? First impression? Ummm..., but an A for effort?

So, what should you say in your first email to a stranger that you're hoping will become more? This is your once chance and you don't want to mess up.

In the past few months I've gotten a lot of "UR CUTE. EMAIL ME BACK." and "You look like fun, wanna chat?" Is that their blanket "what's your sign?" line or are they being serious? So, now that I'm 30 and only men 45+ seem to be checking me out I'm going to be bold and start sending some emails of my own. I'll keep you posted!

Later this week I'll be posting the "If I wanted a girlfriend, I would've reached out to someone hotter" story. Oh yes, these stories are TRUE. :)

The Guy Who Forgot His Wallet

2009-09-10T13:00:00.001-07:00

I met "No Wallet Guy" (NWG) on Match.com this year. Again, he wasn't really my type, but I've been trying to date outside my type, since obviously still single at 30, my "type" doesn't seem to be working for me! We emailed a few times and his profile seemed nice. A few things to note on his profile... He said he was an engineer and 5'10. Back to those "facts" later!

We finally find a time to meet and decide on drinks at a nearby high-end sushi place. I arrive 5 minutes early and don't see the guy from the profile anywhere. Then, a man about 5'7 comes up to me... "Emily?" OH SHIT.

As we venture inside the restaurant I head to the bar for our "drinks" and he heads to the hostess. WHAT??? Yes, NWG had made reservations. I quickly realize that drinks is turning into dinner.

As we sit down for dinner, NWG orders an $18 glass of wine and a platter of sushi. While waiting for dinner to come I learn a few more things about NWG that he wasn't forthcoming about on his profile. He has an identical twin (I have a ton of twin friends, but think identical twins are kinda weird). He is an engineer, but happened to forget to mention that he is an engineer in the Coast Guard. Wait, did I mention he is clearly under 5'10?? These are not bad things, but more things I was surprised by.

We continue to chat and things just seem to be going downhill faster than Jack and Jill. We have almost nothing in common. He doesn't own a TV (the only thing going thru my head is, how does he keep up with what's going on between Meredith and Derek let alone watch Sunday football??). He hasn't seen a movie in over 3 years (You DIDN'T see 500 Days of Summer???). He is into "extreme activities" like mountain climbing and camping. Extreme camping to me is having to crash at a friend's house and sleep on a full size Aero Bed.

So, after an hour of painful chit chat and LOTS of sushi the $100 bill comes. (I had a beer and 6 pieces of sushi.) I offer to pay for half seeing there is not way we are EVER going out again. He says thanks and then starts getting flush and antsy...

"Oh My God. I'm so embarrassed. I changed my pants before I left and think I forgot my wallet."

Me: "Hmmm... Ok. I'll get it."

Him: "Wow. Thanks."

Did he think we were going to leave without paying the bill or wash dishes in the back to cover it? Two minutes after I sign and pay for dinner I announce that it is time for me to get going. NWG walks me to my car and says we should get together again soon. Sure...

Oh my way home I call my mom and tell her my horror story. She responds with "WHAT? Is he going to pay you back? Oh no, Emily! Do you think was a scam? He picks up girls online to go to dinner with and forgets his wallet for a free meal! You were used!" I calm her down and just chalk this up to a BAD date. One of my guy friends said that he would be more likely to leave home without his pants than his wallet on a first date. Unfortunately, he wasn't the one I was on a date with. No pants would have meant no dinner or drinks!

The next morning I get an email in my inbox from NWG! It reads "Thanks, again, for dinner last night; I had a real good time. We talked quite a bit about family, I am always a little verbose around that topic. I was wondering what ur plans are for the weekend. I don't have too much going on; Let me know if your up for something."

I was in shock! Did he really want to go out again? I would have been mortified and hid in my house for a week. So, I responded (I'm DEAD serious. This is what I wrote word-for-word)

"Hi NWG,

Thanks for your email. While it was great meeting you, per our conversation at dinner, I definitely don't think we have all that much in common. I’m much more of a pop culture girl, while you enjoy more extreme hobbies.

Also, while I know you didn’t mean to forget your wallet, the date was really expensive and I blew my weekend budget on our dinner. As a small business owner I'm on a really tight budget. Of course, I wasn't expecting you to pay for our date (hence me asking if we could split it), but I also wasn't expecting to pay for the whole thing either.

Good luck with your search. I’m sure you’ll find someone who is a perfect match for you."

10 minutes later, this was his response, "Thank you for your honesty, I do apologize about the dinner/wallet issue. I would like to take care of my portion of dinner. I appreciate that you dealt with it gracefully. However, I don't think you should take the hit. If you would let me give u cash 50 60 bucks I would like that. "

Now, I'm at a crossroads. Am I that bitchy girl who asks for money back or do I just not respond and end the whole thing now?

I was peer-pressured I tell you! The girls in my life "made" me respond and later that day NWG dropped off a card and $60 in cash to an undisclosed location which was not my house. The card said it all. It was a hallmark card that read "Congratulations on finding the one!" NWG wrote on the inside "Not a match. Good luck with your search!"

In the end he redeemed himself and is really a nice guy. Major props for the funny card and the cash! But, I chose to go home and start match.com surfing again.

Blackberry Messenger is NOT an OK form of communication

2009-09-09T08:48:00.001-07:00

Anyone who has seen "He's Just Not That Into You" and who is currently dating, knows that there are far too many forms of communication in the dating world. There is instant message, blackberry messenger (bbm), texting (and sexting!), email (personal and your online dating inbox), your cell, work and home phones and of course an actual card (I think I have gotten 2 of these in my entire life from someone I've been dating and one was written by the florist). So, you have to be careful about what road you're okay taking when you start communicating with someone. I usually am okay with email an the occasional text/bbm if that person has called in the past and doesn't have a fear of picking up the phone.

I recently went a few dates with a guy (we'll call him Tall Guy - he is 6'4 and all legs) and we met on eharmony. We chatted on the phone a few times, emailed and had now gone on 2 dates - one at Pinkberry and one a fun Japanese place. After these dates, I had decided it was okay to accept him as a bbm contact. BIG MISTAKE. After 2 weeks of him not asking me out again, but feeling the need to check in via bbm, our messengering conversation went something like this...

Emily: Hey - so here's the thing and I'm just gonna throw it out there... I know ur busy, but I like it when guys call and chat and ask me out on dates. So, if you wanna hang out again lemme know. Bbm is good for "hi" but a call is better :)

Tall Guy: :( I'm sorry!

Emily: You don't have to be sorry. I get it... technology makes dating too confusing. I just havn't heard from u besides bbm in a while so wasn't sure what u were thinking

Tall Guy: I understand what u mean.

Emily: I'm just not big on having to make the effort all the time. I'm looking to get wooed - at some point :)

Tall Guy: I've been in a work bubble this week and last and have been anti social. Your the second girl to make me realize that.

Emily: I just always figured if someone liked me they'd want to see me, but again, I'm not really sure if that's the case

Tall Guy: Well I would definitely love to see u again! and catch up on the phone too.

Emily: Good! :)

Emily: U have my info - call me when u have a time u want to ask me out. Cool?

Tall Guy: I will. I have NOTHING work related over the weekend.

Emily: I'm actually crazy busy this weekend. But, I'm around next week. Cool?

Tall Guy: Ok. We'll definitely do dinner next week.

Emily: Sounds good. Talk soon :)

Tall Guy: Thanks:). Talk to u later.

Emily: Nite :). Sorry to get all girly on u

Tall Guy: I like your style;)

Emily: :). Nite!

Tall Guy: Gnite

Yay! He's gonna call and we're going to go out again!

Another 2 weeks fly by with radio silence and I figure I have nothing to lose and shoot him a text saying, "Hey, bummer I never heard from you. Hope all is well!" Hey, it was worth a shot, right?

He responded a few hours later... "I thought you blew me off." I officially give up. SERIOUSLY? I was actually really bummed by this too - he was cute, fun and really nice in person.

The lesson learned from this experience? Make them call you and only text and bmm when you have something short and sweet to day. Every date just gets you closer to the "one" right?

FB Stalker and Tweet, Tweet!

2009-09-08T19:55:00.001-07:00

You can find me here!

My Life on Match & More on Facebook!

I'm also on twitter @mylifeonmatch. Maybe I'll tweet while I'm a date? I've texted for help before, so tweeting can't be any different, right?

Match.com - The Game!

2009-09-08T11:19:00.001-07:00

When I first jumped on the online dating train, I was nervous. Nervous to have my photo and info out there and nervous that I would meet someone, they would be a crazy killer and I would be drugged and chopped up into a bunch of pieces. So, one of my friends suggested we turn it into a game. I LOVE games and am very competitive. GAME ON.

He and I were both on Match so we broke things up into a point system.

You wink at someone - 1 point (cannot count for more than 25% of your total score)
Someone winks back at you - 1 point (cannot count for more than 25% of your total score)
Someone of the same sex winks at you - 2 points
Someone you would actually want to go out with winks at you - 2 points
Someone winks at your from a different country - 3 points (you cannot have winked at them first to receive full points. PS. This has totally happened to me. A 65-year-old man from Japan winked at me. I did not wink back. But, EXTRA POINTS!)
Someone who is old enough to be your parent winks or emails you - 1/2 point (ewww!)
Someone emails you - 1 point
Someone emails you with no grammar or spelling errors! (Those of you who are online dating know this is very rare!) - 2 points
Someone emails you who you actually want to go out with - 3 points
You exchange "real" email addresses! - 3 points
You go on a Match.com date - 5 points
You go on a 2nd date with someone you met on Match - 5 points
You date someone off Match.com for longer than 6 weeks and then break-up. No points, but the other player pays for your new subscription so they have someone to "play" with!

The first one to 100 points owed the other one dinner. Duh, I won. I was winking and sending emails like it was my job. I also went on some very interesting dates. Don't worry - those stories are coming this week. Fun times, get excited!

"I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he?"

2009-09-07T15:30:00.000-07:00

This is the prefect quote to begin my blogging life documenting my life on Match.com and more. Oh yes, I have been on eharmony too!

So, just a little something to live by since I started watching Sex And The City during it's HBO years. Charlotte York sums it up perfectly, "I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he?"

A little about me... I have amazing friends. Now, almost all of them are married and have kids. When I was 15, I thought I would be married and have my 2nd kid by the time I was 30. Well, I just turned 30 - still single, still dating and still looking for Mr. Right. I'm sure he's out there, but in order to find him I have to get out there too. Hence, online dating. It's like the bars of the 21st century. Someone "winks" at you online it's like someone saying "hi" to you in a bar. Someone sends you an email? It's like them asking if they can buy you a drink. The best part is in both cases you can either ignore them or go with the flow. I've decided to make it fun and try to see what happens. I used to have a type, but the older I get, the more I'm thinking my type probably isn't what I should be looking for.

So, get ready, some good stories are coming your way and some better ones are being made everyday. And, if you have a great online dating story to share, send it my way at mylifeonmatch@gmail.com and maybe I'll post it.